Voortrekker Monument had been built. To the left side of Magazine Hill was a separate fenced area, which his plans told him was the army's firing range. Directly ahead, the crown of Magazine Hill was covered with tall and heavy pine trees, rich green, and he could see buildings in the shelter of the trees.
He made his estimates.
He tried to judge the distance from the floor of the valley to the crown of Magazine Hill. He tried to see where he could lie up if he were ahead of schedule, over which ground he could hurry if he was late.
He thought it could not be more than two hundred yards from the crown down the hidden tree-covered slope to the walls of Beverly Hills.
He turned his back on Magazine Hill and walked to the far side of the Voortrekker Monument to see down below where the car would be left. It was a hell of a distance to come back. More than a mile. His own thought… that in the chaos after the attack he and Jeez would be better on the scrub hills on foot than immediately into a car, but a hell of a way for all that.
In the line between Magazine Hill and the Ben Schoeman Highway was another stony outcrop. He saw the summit of it had been shaped.
'What's that?'
'Skanskopfort. Built to protect Pretoria, historic monument, colonial cannons and that crap.'
'Lived in?'
Jan shook his head. 'It's just a museum, and an army store.'
Jack walked again to the steps. He stood in the morning sunlight. He gazed again on the slope of Magazine Hill, the slope that he would climb that evening.
They went to Ros's car. Jan drove back to Pretoria.
In two heaps, Jack's possessions were laid out on the floor.
In one heap was his suitcase and his coat. He had told Jan to dump them from Ros's car, once they were on the way back to Johannesburg. The other heap was what he would take with him that night. There was the metal tube, and the prepared Cordtex equivalent and safety fuse lengths, and the two charges for the windows, and the shotgun and the ammunition, and the wire cutters, and the rope and the bent metal hook that was lashed to it, all to be carried up Magazine Hill.
The bedroom door opened.
Ros had taken the ribbon from her hair. She had washed the make-up from her cheeks and her eyes and from her lips.
She was ice calm, pale, matter of fact.
'Lose yourself, Jan.'
Jan looked at her, blinking, not understanding.
'Just get rid of yourself. Lose yourself.'
'What for?'
'Because I tell you to.'
'Where to?'
'Go and check the other car, make sure it isn't being watched, walk the streets, anywhere.'
Ros came to Jan and took his arm and kissed him on the cheek and led him to the door. She opened the door and pushed him out through it.
She closed the door. She came to Jack. She reached for his hand. She might have been leading a child. She led him into the bedroom. He thought she might have been crying while he had been at the Voortrekker Monument and looking over Magazine Hill. She did not look into his face. She was clumsy with her fingers as she unbuttoned his shirt, slid it away across his shoulders to let it fall from his arms. She knelt in front of him and lifted away his shoes and peeled off his socks. She reached up to unfasten his belt and to ease down the zipper. She was kneeling as she pushed her light sweater up and over her head. Jack stood in his nakedness and watched her. He knew he loved her. He loved every part of her scrubbed clean body. She stood to step out of her skirt. She drove her pants down to below her knees.
Jack reached for her, he felt the loveliness of her. She stepped back from him. A slow sad smile. She took his hand, she took him to the bed.
She broke. She pushed him hard down onto the bed. She came down onto him. She was sobbing her heart to him.
She tore at the skin on his back with her nails. She hurt him as she bathed him in her tears. She was stretching apart over him, reaching for him, guiding him, driving onto him.
'You cruel bastard, Jack, for coming into my life… for going out of it.'
18
She lay beside him, and her cheek rested on the centre of his chest.
She could feel the steady rhythm of his heart in her ear.
She thought he was at peace. With her fingers, with her nails, she made shapes and patterns amongst the hairs of his chest. She formed the letters of his name, she wrote amongst the hairs of her love for him. The curtains in the room had been open when she had taken him to the bed. She could see that the skies were darkening now over Pretoria, and she could sense the thickening of the traffic on the streets below the window. She hated the coming of the evening. She felt a safety with this man as they lay against each other, damp warm and loving safety. There was a safety when his arm was around her, his hand over her breast. She knew that she could not hold him in the bed, she had seen the way that a few minutes before he had shifted his hand from her stomach to look down at the face of his watch before returning his hand to the place of pleasure and comfort. She knew that when the hour hand had trickled and the minute hand had rushed that he would leave her. She acknowledged that on this evening, on this last evening, that she played the role of second best. She accepted that she was secondary to the work of the evening that would start when he leaned across her, kissed her, pushed her back onto the pillow, and left her bed. She thought that she had helped him. Her friends had told her that the first time was awful. Ros van Niekerk, happy in her moist heat, safe with a man's hand over her breast and with his fingers over the flatness of her stomach, thought it was not at all awful. He hadn't used anything, she hadn't used anything. Not an act of gratification, not an occasion when adults who knew their minds discussed the merits of pills and coils, a time for soft urgent loving between two young people who would part when the hand of a watch had run its hour. She thought she did not care about the consequences of his not having used anything, of her not having used anything.
His hand moved.
She felt the aloneness of the skin on her stomach. She felt his fingers climbing the slow length of her body, and brushing the nipple of her breast. She opened her eyes. She saw that he looked at his watch. She hated the watch.
'How long?'
'Just a few minutes.'
'I can't keep you?'
'You knew you couldn't.'
'To have found something precious, and to lose it…'
'Something wonderful to remember, Ros.'
Jack kissed her, closed her eyes with his kisses. With his tongue he ran over the nostrils and the fresh lips of his girl.
So calm. As if when he left her he would go for an evening walk, a stroll that was without danger.
She clung to him. Her arms were around his neck, her breasts were forced against the jutted strength of his jaw.
'Please, no hurting yourself, Ros.'
