And Baby Makes Two

directed.

I reached for the snacks. “I don’t know how much longer I can last,” I confessed. “I really miss him.”

“My mum hasn’t had a boyfriend since my dad left five years ago,” said Shanee. “She doesn’t seem to mind.”

“That’s ’cause she’s old. It’s different when you’re in your prime.”

Shanee started filling the glasses with juice. “Physical exercise,” she decided. “You should take up cross- country running or some—”

I looked over at her. She was staring at me with her head to one side, as though she’d just noticed I had four arms or something.

“What?”

Shanee gave herself a shake. “Nothing.” She turned back to the glasses. “I was just wondering if those were the jeans you got at Brent Cross with me in September?”

I put the biscuits and the crisps on the counter. “Yeah. Why?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. They look different.”

I tugged at the waist. “They shrunk,” I told her. “She can’t even wash a pair of jeans without ruining them.”

“That must be it…” She glanced over and smirked. “Or did you hit the Christmas goodies a little hard?”

“God, no! I hardly ate the whole time. I was lovesick, remember?”

Shanee was still studying me like I was one of her science project plants. “Your face looks fatter.”

I picked up the crisps and two of the glasses.

“It’s all the kissing,” I assured her. “The muscles swell.”

I didn’t feel like sitting with my mother the moaner, so I spent most of that night in my room, pretending to be doing my homework while I listened to the radio and imagined me and Les going away together on holiday in the spring, to celebrate our six-month anniversary. To Ibiza, or Greece, somewhere hot and romantic. We found a secluded cove where no one else ever went. The water was as blue as a swimming-pool and the sand was as soft as feathers and as white as Nivea. We put our blanket near the water. I unhooked my bikini top and lay on my front while Les knelt over me, rubbing sunblock into my back.

But I couldn’t fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes and tried to stop thinking about our holiday, I’d see Shanee looking at me with her head to one side, telling me my face was fat.

As soon as I heard Hilary snoring next door, I crept into the living-room to watch telly. I didn’t like lying in the dark on my own. It made me nervous. I’m a person who likes light and noise.

There was a pretty funny film on Channel Five. Funny enough to take my mind off my fat face for a while. Normally, I get something to eat or drink while the ads are on, but after what Shanee said I didn’t dare go near the kitchen in case I really was gaining weight. I was sitting there, humming along with the jingles the way you do, when the Tampax ad came on. This girl all in white was running around in the sunshine.

Yeah, right, I thought. Like she never leaks even a little…

And that’s when it occurred to me that I hadn’t had my period yet that month. I tried to shove the thought away, but it kept coming back.

I know it sounds mad that I had no idea when I’d last had one, but it isn’t that mad. It wasn’t always regular. Sometimes it was late, or I missed a month if I was dieting or if she was giving me a really hard time. It’d never bothered me if it didn’t come when it should. But then it could never’ve meant that I was pregnant before.

I was still sitting there, staring at the screen, thinking about the last time I’d had my period when the film came on again.

Not this month so far. Not in January. Not in December.

That can’t be right, I told myself. That’s three months. It can’t have been three months.

I concentrated on December first. My period usually came towards the end of the month. But at the end of December I’d gone to Les’s that night when no one was home, and I hadn’t had my period then.

I tried January next. I must’ve had it at the beginning of the month, instead of at the end of December, that’s why I’d forgotten.

But I hadn’t forgotten. At the beginning of January, Shanee and I took her sister Mabel to the water slides as a birthday treat. We’d gone in the water. I didn’t use tampons; I couldn’t have gone in the water if I’d had my period; everyone would’ve thought they were in Jaws.

I sat very still. I couldn’t be pregnant. You can’t get pregnant the first time, everybody knows that. I had living proof that it takes more than sticking a penis in you to make a baby straight away. My sister Dara had to be on her nine millionth time and she still wasn’t pregnant. But if I was pregnant it had to have happened the first time, because we’d only ever really done it once. Plus, I hadn’t had an orgasm, and I was pretty sure that you couldn’t get pregnant without one. Besides, I wasn’t throwing up every morning, was I? No, I wasn’t. I felt absolutely fine. I didn’t want to eat gherkins and chocolate ice cream either. I only cried when I argued with my mother. And my breasts weren’t bigger. I didn’t feel pregnant: I felt like me.

I tried to remember something – anything – from our sex education classes that would give me some clue about being pregnant. But I could only remember one thing: always use a condom.

Pink or Blue, I Love You

“I don’t see why I have to be the one to buy it,” grumbled Shanee. She had her stubborn face on. It made her look about six.

“Because nobody would think for a second that you might be preggers, that’s why,” I said again. “They’ll think it’s for your mother.”

Shanee grunted. “It might’ve been helpful if you’d thought for a second that you might get pregnant.”

“Well, I didn’t,” I snapped. “I made a mistake.”

Shanee was still looking stubborn.

“And what if Mr Arway in the chemist’s says something to my mother?” she demanded. “What then?”

“Oh, for God’s sake.” Shanee was really beginning to get on my nerves. “What’s he going to say?” I asked. “‘Hello, Mrs Tyler. Was the pregnancy test positive?’” I gave her a shove. “Just go, will you? It’ll be fine.”

I pushed, but Shanee didn’t budge.

“I’m embarrassed,” she announced. “What if Mr Arway doesn’t think it’s for my mother? What if he thinks it’s for me?” Everybody thought Shanee was so sweet, but she could have a really mean glare when she wanted to. “You can bet your trainers he’d say something to her then.”

This was a little harder to argue with, since it was actually one of the reasons I wasn’t willing to buy the pregnancy test myself. I didn’t want the old cow to find out before I was ready to tell her.

“No, he wouldn’t,” I said reasonably. “Chemists are like doctors and priests. They aren’t allowed to just blab out your personal secrets to anybody who comes down the street.”

“Lucy Tyler isn’t just anybody,” said Shanee stubbornly. “She’s my mother.”

“I’ll tell you what,” I said, thinking quickly. “If it makes you feel any better, we’ll catch the bus down to Oxford Street and you can buy it there.”

The glare was replaced by a look of suspicion.

“You could buy it there, too,” said my best friend since forever.

“No, I couldn’t. Don’t you get it? If I buy it, they’ll be able to tell I’m the one who thinks she’s pregnant, because I am. But they won’t with you. You’re innocent. It doesn’t matter if anyone thinks you could be pregnant because you can’t be.”