All of it was possible and Garner was enjoying that possibility immensely.
With luck, he might get killed.
The pipe came around to Garner, at last. Fingers vibrating like tuning forks, he took his hit. He felt the rush; saw the room's colours drain and swirl around him; heard a humming in his ears. Then it was over.
He stared at the pipe in surprise as Gretchen pulled it from his hands. 'Not mucha hit,' he muttered.
'You gotta good hit,' Hardwick said, absently picking at fuzz on the mattress, inspecting it between his yellowed fingers to see if it were a fleck of cocaine. Tweaking.
'No… I…' Garner shook his head. The rush had been brief and superficial. The next one, he knew, would be even less powerful. He'd never smoked crack before tonight, but in the old days he'd shot heroin and cocaine, slammed it into his mainline, and he knew what to expect from coke. A high, then a down, then a smaller high, then a deeper down, then a smaller high yet, then an even deeper down…
He wasn't feeling great, now, but still, he was stoned. Stoned and numb, which was right where he wanted to be. Constance seemed like a strange dream. An aberration in his life. Constance and the years of ministry. He had taken up the past seamlessly; he was back where he belonged, on the streets, burning himself up like a smoldering cigarette butt.
He waited impatiently for the next hit. It finally came but it wasn't much and he said so.
'What it is, we don't have the good shit,' Hardwick said. 'I can git it though. You front me two hunnerd, I bring you somethin' like a quarter ozzie.'
Gretchen was shaking her head at Garner, but he fingered two hundred dollars out of a shirt pocket – he had the rest of his money tucked into his shoe – and passed it tremblingly to Hardwick. 'Just do it fast.'
'Need to borrow your van, bro,' Hardwick said, shooting Gretchen a warning look.
Garner stared at Hardwick. The room swam around him. 'My van? I don't know, man…'
'Hey – I leave you my I. D., and you in my place here, this is where I live, man, so you know for sure I'm comin' back.'
'Oh yeah.' That seemed to make sense. Sure. Yeah. He passed over his car keys and Hardwick was up and out the door.
'Motherfucker,' Gretchen said. 'I hope that wasn't all your money.'
Santa Monica
It came to Constance suddenly, on a balmy early evening, with the sunlight turning the smog into a sluggish light-show at the horizon.
She could run away from Ephram. All she had to do was suffer enough. And what would that mean? Misery. He'd shoot her full of hurt.
So what? She looked at her maimed hand; the bandages over the stump of her missing finger. He'd cut off her finger and she hardly felt it. She was disfigured, and she didn't care. She could take it. Anyway, what could be worse than this seesawing between ecstasy and the steel rods?
She was sitting on the back stoop of the place he'd rented, looking at the wasps making dabbing motions with their bodies at the rotting lemons in the corner of the backyard. They didn't seem to want the lemons but couldn't quite leave them alone.
Maybe they get sweeter when they're rotten. She looked at the fence. The gate in it.
Ephram was in the shower. He'd be distracted, though she knew he was monitoring her somehow. But he couldn't be following her too closely. He hadn't punished her for these thoughts…
'Go on,' she said. 'Let him.'
She stood up and started toward the gate. It was just across the yard but it seemed to take a long time to get there. Then she'd reached it, fumbled at the latch, pulled it open, stepped into the alley -
It came like black lightning. Negative lightning from the negative constellations, from the hidden cracks in the sky, searing through a thousand light years to seek out the mote that was Constance, smashing into her head, scorching down her spine, exploding in her gut. She felt as if her intestines had exploded and blasted shit throughout her.
She screamed and staggered but kept going.
Constance!
She was in a gravel alley. The mouth of the alley and the street were about forty yards to the left. She staggered that way – and then her legs stopped working. She fell, paralyzed.
He'd reached into the motor-controls of her brain. He'd stopped her cold. She was lying on her face, with the lower half of her body turned into a granite statue, shivering with sickness and pain.
Then it lifted. It was as if the wing of an angel had come between her and the pain. It was gone. The feeling in her legs returned. She felt no hurt but for the sting of a scrape where the gravel had dug her knee.
All right, Constance. You dirty little whore. Go. You don't love me anyway. You never loved me. Go. Run away. Enjoy…
The words echoed in her head – and then faded. She got to her feet. Was he really going to let her go? She jogged off down the alley. She got to the corner. She had no money – wait, she had a dollar in change, in her jeans.
A dollar was enough for the city bus that came trundling along the boulevard toward her, as if eager for a long-anticipated rendezvous.
Hollywood
She knew this was the Sunset Strip, in Hollywood, and that the crowd standing in line outside the rock club was there to hear some headbangers. She could hear some band inside thundering away. It was about eleven p.m. and getting dark, and she was hungry and tired. That's about all she knew. She'd called her dad's house, using his credit card number, and some boy answered, 'Garner residence.' And she'd asked, 'Who're you?' He said his name was James and he was house-sitting for Mr. Garner and she told him, 'This is Constance. I just wanted to tell dad I'm okay and uh, I'm… Uh…'
Then she'd hung up. She wasn't sure why. Why didn't she tell him where to find her? Why didn't she want her dad to find her?
She thought about the cops, again. But she was a murderer. Even though Ephram had forced her, she had murdered people, she had cut them up and tortured them to death, and if she turned Ephram in the cops would get her too. They'd never believe she had been forced to do all those things. They'd never believe her about how Ephram had done it. And how could she prove it? She couldn't.
Of course, she should at least turn Ephram in anonymously. Stop the killing. They'd be looking for any lead at all on the Wetbones killings. They'd check out the call.
Why couldn't she do that? She could make the report for free, by calling 911. What was stopping her?
She churned inside. Her emotions in such turmoil she couldn't move, couldn't turn this way or that. But one feeling came up, more stridently than any other. It took her a while to recognize it.
'No,' she said aloud. 'No, forget it, no.'
She shook herself out of the stuck feeling, and walked up the line of headbangers. Not sure what she was looking for.
She found it, though: she picked them out easily. Three boys, who'd clearly come here without girlfriends.
Boys with fantastic, feathery, multicoloured haircuts and leather jackets; badges pinned between the spikes on the black lapels, military insignia, anything official-looking enough to be both glittery and out of place. 'Hi you guys,' she said, stopping near them as if she'd been about to walk by but had only just noticed them. 'Didn't I meet you, like, somewhere in the Valley at that girl's party? What was her name?' She kept her maimed hand in her jacket pocket.
'Oh – Olivia?' one of the boys said. He wore dark glasses and fingerless black leather gauntlets. Spiked belt, like the others, and spiked straps slung around his snakeskin cowboy boots.
'Yeah,' Constance said. 'I think her name was something like that. Olivia. I was kind of drunk.'
'Oh wow,' the taller, blond one with the big adam's apple said. Buying the lie completely. 'I think I remember you. Are you, like, the chick that fell into the pool?'
'Yeah. That was me.'
'Oh dudette,' said the smallest and, judging from his slack mouth and dull eyes, the stupidest one of the three. He had black hair and zits and eyebrows that grew together. 'You don't rully get stoned unless you like fall
