Duckling Ugly

I found it both comforting and unsettling. It was good to know I was loved before, but now I wanted to be loved more.

Momma sat down beside me and touched her hand to my forehead. 'Cara, you're burning up.'

'It's just exhaustion,' I told her. 'I'll sleep it off.'

She looked doubtful, but she let me be, promising to check in on me during the night.

My body was aching, and I knew that whatever this illness was, it wasn't something that anyone could do anything about. I closed my eyes and felt myself falling into a troubled, fevered sleep, from which I was afraid I'd never wake up.

When I finally opened my eyes, I was in Abuelo's mansion, standing in his grand reflectorium?but Abuelo wasn't there. I was alone. Then I heard an unexpected voice.

I will make it my business to be there when your destiny comes calling.

It was Miss Leticia! I turned to see her right in the center of the room, seated at her little garden table, with a pot of tea.

'Come, child,' she said. 'Tea's waiting. Drink it before it gets cold.'

'But... but you're dead.'

Miss Leticia laughed and laughed. 'Not so dead that we can't have a nice visit.'

I sat across from her, knowing that this had to be a dream, but also knowing I wouldn't awake until we had had our little visit.

She poured a single cup of tea, but it was clear as water, and when I looked into the cup, it was swirling with colors, like the northern lights.

'Hurry,' she said. 'Drink your destiny before it's too late.'

I picked up the cup and looked down into it, but the water was gone. Instead it was full of mud. Mud swarming with worms. I tried to drop the cup, but my hands wouldn't move.

Miss Leticia sighed. 'My, my, my,' she said. 'Will you look at that. Nothing more rancid than ruined destiny Y'still gotta drink it, though?and the longer you wait, the worse it'll get.'

Then she was gone, the wormy cup was gone, and I was alone, surrounded by Abuelo's many mirrors, reflecting my beautiful face.

One mirror wasn't beautiful, though. One mirror showed me the ugly girl I had once been. This dream mirror held that awful reflection and was strong enough not to break. Then a second mir­ror showed my old face, and a third. Soon half the mirrors showed me as I once was, while the other half showed what I looked like now. Slowly I walked toward one of the offensive mirrors, and with each step, I felt hotter and hotter, my fever growing?more than just fever, I felt anger as I looked at that horrible face.

'How dare you come back!' I told it. 'After all I've been through, how dare you show your ugly face around here.'

'There are worse things than being ugly,' the nasty reflection said, but I wasn't going to listen to a thing it said. It had no con­trol over me.

'I'm stronger than you!' I told it.

It didn't answer me?it just waited to see if I truly was. And so I closed my eyes and reached to the core of myself, pulling up all the strength I could muster.

It wasn't enough. I could feel myself losing the battle. I knew I had to pull strength from somewhere else, but how could I? Suddenly the answer came to me.

'I am not ugly!' I declared out loud. 'Not inside, not out.' And I began to summon strength from beyond myself. 'B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.'

Spells and spelling. Words. My words. They had the power. 'R-A-V-I- S-H-I-N-G.'

I could feel strength coming to me now. I was drawing it from the room around me!

'S-P-L-E-N-D-I-F-E-R-O-U-S.'

Beyond the room, I was tapping into the earth itself.

'G-L-O-R-I-O-U-S.'

It felt like flood waters spilling into an empty vessel. 'G-R-A-C-E-F-U-L.'

A powerful energy filled me, and when I was full to the brim, I opened my eyes. Then I spelled my final word to my hideous reflections.

'D?'

I pushed the ugliness away with all the force of my soul, and?

'I?' —one by one those mirrors changed, until every face I saw was a face of absolute beauty.

'E!'

A beautiful face everywhere I looked. I had killed the ugliness. I had won! I had won!

I woke to the grating sound of my alarm clock, and turned it off. It was morning, and my fever was gone. There was a stench in the air, though. It was faint, it was foul, and I couldn't quite place it. I got out of bed and did what I always did since the day I'd gotten back. I caught my gaze in my mirror, tossed my hair until it fell into perfect place, smiled that million-dollar smile. I thought about the dream. No cup of worms for me! I had beaten the illness, Marshall would recover, I would get over Gerardo. Things would be fine. I went out to join my family for breakfast.

The smell was worse in the rest of the house, reminding me of the roadkill that had once filled my room. 'What is that god­awful stench?' I asked as I walked into the kitchen.

'What stench, dear?' Momma said.

She was at the sink, washing dishes, and Vance had his nose in the refrigerator. Only Dad was sitting down, the paper open wide in front of him.

So I sat down across from him, and when Dad lowered the newspaper, what I saw made me scream.

At the sound, Momma dropped a glass, and it crashed on the floor.

'Cara! What in God's name?'

Exactly what I thought. What in God's name? Because the face before me was not the one I'd known yesterday. My father's teeth, always a little bit yellow, were practically green now, and twisted in his head like tilted tombstones in a forgotten grave­yard. His nose hooked miserably to one side. And he had a Ne­ anderthal ridge on his forehead.

I looked at Momma for an explanation, but what I saw there was even worse. Hollow gray cheeks, eyes too close and sunk deep in their sockets, a dangling piece of skin on her neck like a turkey, and tufts of blond hair so thin you could see her pink peeling scalp.

I gasped and put my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming again.

Nothing more rancid than ruined destiny.

'Honey, you don't look right,' said Momma. 'Have you still got a fever?'

I could only shake my head. How could I begin to explain?

When Vance turned to me, I wasn't looking at my brother. What stared back at me from the fridge looked more like a rat than a human being. Those front teeth of his that had always had the slightest of overbites now stuck so far out of his mouth he couldn't get his lips around them.

'What's up with her?'

'Look at yourselves!' I shouted. 'Don't you see?'

Momma turned to Dad. She squinted her sunken eyes and said, 'Honey, you really should shave before you go off to the car lot.'

'Shave?' I said. 'Shave?!'

I stood up, and the chair behind me fell over.

'You gonna eat that waffle?' said the rat boy in my brother's clothes.

I bolted out of there, running through a trailer park twice as decrepit as it had been the day before. What was it that kept them from seeing the change in one another? I couldn't explain it any more than I could explain the transformational power of the fountain. Then I thought of my dad, and his old TV shows. Strange hair, ugly clothes, weird talk, all of which had been per­fectly normal in a certain time and place.