but you’ve been brainwashed by the taniwha?’
‘The what?’ I asked.
‘Them,’ Mother said. She was deep in thought and I could not read her expression at all. Her calmness was weird, almost unsettling.
‘Then again, why are we taking so much time to convince you?’ Pagan asked. ‘Bit solipsistic, isn’t it?’ Everyone just looked at him.
‘Try and remember you’re talking to a bunch of squaddies,’ I suggested.
‘There is only me,’ Mudge said as if it was a revelation.
‘We are all playthings of your imagination,’ Morag said to him with mock earnestness.
The levity wasn’t working. We’d fractured their world too badly.
‘Okay, so I’ve got a question,’ Mother said. We looked at her. ‘So what?’
‘I don’t understand,’ Pagan said. I didn’t either.
‘What difference does it make? The Cabal pulled our strings, made us fight for sixty years. Nothing we can do about it now.’
‘ Utu,’ Tailgunner said quietly.
Mother turned to him. ‘Really? How’s that going to work then? Look, I agree with you about our ancestors, our spirituality, but the fact is we’re not mythical heroes out of the past. We don’t have anything like the resources to fight, and doing it on principle is a shitty reason for us all to finally get killed.’
‘Because it’s the right thing to do.’ I was surprised that I said it. And after I said it I realised how hollow it sounded.
‘Well, I congratulate you on being able to afford such a keen moral compass. Again, I don’t want to die for a principle. Particularly as I don’t think it matters to us what war we’re fighting or who’s in command. It’s not going to change things for us and the end result is exactly the same,’ Mother said.
‘But we changed things,’ Morag said. There was almost desperation in her voice. ‘People can see what’s going on now. The Cabal can’t do those things any more.’
‘Really? Is anyone trying to subvert your god yet?’ Mother asked. She read the answer in Morag’s miserable expression. ‘Things getting better for the poor?’
‘These things take time,’ Pagan told her.
‘The powerful and wealthy are always going to fight for what’s theirs. You expose them and they find another, more subtle way to get what they want.’
‘So why fight them?’ Merle asked.
Mother flashed him a look of contempt.
‘Survival. I grew up in Moa City. For more than half my early life the place was under siege. Now I found out we did this to our-fucking-selves? And now we’re scrapping over the wreckage of humanity. Fuck that. This has got nothing to do with us. We’ll sit this one out.’
‘And starve to death,’ Merle pointed out.
‘And do what we have to,’ Mother continued. ‘Because when the smoke clears I’ll bet my left tit it won’t make the slightest bit of difference to any of my people.’
‘That’s what they want us to think and do. To give in, to forget about our personal responsibility…’ Mudge surprised me, but it was similar to what he’d said on Atlantis. Underneath the drugs and lust for adrenalin Mudge actually believed this stuff.
‘I guess it’s more comfortable on Earth?’ Mother asked rhetorically. ‘Because here idealism is pretty much a luxury. We have other priorities. Democracy’s been a joke for years. Why should I care which fucking faceless military dictatorship I live under? I’m still fighting and dying for some other fucker. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.’
‘We were doing something,’ Morag said. Again she sounded desperate.
I could see where Mother was coming from to a degree, but I think we’d pulled her world down around her ears and now she was going to do the same with our accomplishments, if you could call them that.
‘Really? Get here on your own? Finance your own gear? Or were you sent? Who sent you? Because I’m willing to bet it was just a different flavour of government or military power broker, playing another version of an old game.’
‘What if it’s not dictatorship this time?’ Pagan asked. ‘What if it’s slavery?’
‘Are you just saying that or have you got any evidence?’ Tailgunner asked.
‘It’s a suspicion. Operators sent before us returned brainwashed and you said yourself that when you lose people you get compromised almost immediately.’
‘That’s a reason to hide -’ Mother started.
‘And starve.’ Merle wasn’t getting off that point.
‘- not fight.’
‘Well that’s your choice, isn’t it? You either fight, hide or surrender,’ I said.
Big Henry and Dog Face bristled at the word surrender. These guys might be street-bred scavengers, brawlers, thieves and survivors, but they had pride.
‘I’ve known Rolleston for a long time. You surrender, you’ll get used or killed. You hide, you’ll starve, or if you raid for supplies then sooner or later he’ll get round to hunting you down when you become a big enough pain in the arse. Besides, if you’re going to fight for supplies you may as well just fight. You ask, why fight? Survival. The rest is window dressing to provide a little bit of hope for motivational purposes,’ I said.
Mother stared at me. Finally she gave a humourless laugh.
‘See, that’s a language I understand,’ she told me.
It looked like I’d found a way to motivate her.
Strange walked out of the darkness and lay down next to Mother, her head in the older woman’s lap. Mother started stroking the girl’s long dark hair.
‘So can we see the fragment of Demiurge?’ Pagan asked.
Tailgunner opened his mouth to reply.
‘Not so fast,’ Mother said. ‘What do we get?’
‘What the fuck is wrong with you? Have you not been listening?’ Merle demanded angrily.
I was smiling. I liked this woman. Her survival skills were keenly honed. I could see why they looked to her.
‘What do you want?’ I asked.
‘Help,’ she said. She had not liked saying that.
‘Supplies?’ I asked.
She nodded.
‘You’re taking her seriously. We can take this bit of Demiurge any time we-’ Merle started.
I turned on him. ‘That’s enough. If we can take from the enemy, deny them supplies, fuck with their infrastructure, than that’s part of our remit here. We also need more intel. You don’t like that, you think you’re better off on your own, then fuck off.’
It was a gamble. He could just leave, and we needed him, but I couldn’t have him questioning everything like this. Chinese Parliament or not, he was proving disruptive. Not to mention it was fucking wearing. He was angry. I could see that. Bruised pride. Politics was so tiresome. I was a little worried he might try and kill me. There was more than a possibility he was capable of succeeding. I could see his point. We weren’t the well-oiled machine he was used to; also he was a solo act, used to doing things his way. But we were making this up as we went along, out of necessity. The whole thing was a juggling act and he needed to help or leave.
Mudge turned to him. ‘Merle, I think you need to wind your neck in a bit or this just won’t work.’
Merle opened his mouth to respond angrily.
‘Merle,’ Cat said.
I turned round to look at her. She was still on guard, cradling her gyroscopically supported railgun. Merle didn’t say anything. He just nodded and relaxed.
‘You help us; we’ll help you,’ Mother said.
