me?”
“It’s a small town.” I shrugged. “I asked someone.”
“And they just… told you?”
“I was persuasive.”
It was awkward, and neither of us seemed to know what to say. Part of me fully expected to continue standing there while we caught up like old friends on everything that had happened in our lives since we’d last seen each other. Another part of me expected her husband to pop out of the house any minute and either shake my hand or challenge me to fight. In the silence a horse neighed, and over her shoulder I could see four horses with their heads lowered into the trough, half in shadow, half in the circle of the barn’s light. Three other horses, including Midas, were staring at Savannah, as if wondering whether she’d forgotten them. Savannah finally motioned over her shoulder.
“I should get them going, too,” she said. “It’s their feeding time, and they’re getting antsy.”
When I nodded, Savannah took a step backward, then turned. Just as she reached the gate, she beckoned. “Do you want to give me a hand?”
I hesitated, glancing toward the house. She followed my gaze.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “He’s not here, and I could really use the help.” Her voice was surprisingly steady.
Though I wasn’t sure what to make of her response, I nodded. “I’d be glad to.”
She waited for me and shut the gate behind us. She pointed to a pile of manure. “Watch out for their droppings. They’ll stain your shoes.”
I groaned. “I’ll try.”
In the barn, she separated a chunk of hay and then two more and handed them both to me.
“Just toss those in the troughs next to the others. I’m going to get the oats.”
I did as she directed, and the horses closed in. Savannah came out holding a couple of pails.
“You might want to give them a little room. They might accidentally knock you over.”
I stepped away, and Savannah hung a couple of pails on the fence. The first group of horses trotted toward them. Savannah watched them, her pride evident.
“How many times do you have to feed them?”
“Twice a day, every day. But there’s more than just feeding. You’d be amazed at how clumsy they can be sometimes. We have the veterinarian on speed dial.”
I smiled. “Sounds like a lot of work.”
“They are. They say owning a horse is like living with an anchor. Unless you have someone else help out, it’s tough to get away, even for a weekend.”
“Do your parents pitch in?”
“Sometimes. When I really need them. But my dad’s getting older, and there’s a big difference between taking care of one horse and taking care of seven.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
In the warm embrace of the night, I listened to the steady hum of cicadas, breathing in the peace of this refuge, trying to still my racing thoughts.
“This is just the kind of place I imagined you’d live,” I finally said.
“Me too,” she said. “But it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be. There’s always something that needs to be repaired. You can’t imagine how many leaks there were in the barn, and big stretches of the fence collapsed last winter. That’s what we worked on during the spring.”
Though I heard her use of “we” and assumed she was talking about her husband, I wasn’t ready to talk about him yet. Nor, it seemed, was she.
“But it is beautiful here, even if it’s a lot of work. On nights like this, I like to sit on the porch and just listen to the world. You hardly ever hear cars driving by, and it’s just so… peaceful. It helps to clear the mind, especially after a long day.”
As she spoke, I felt for the measure of her words, sensing her desire to keep our conversation on safe footing.
“I’ll bet.”
“I need to clean some hooves,” she announced. “You want to help?”
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted.
“It’s easy,” she said. “I’ll show you.” She vanished into the barn and walked out carrying what looked to be a couple of small curved nails. She handed one to me. As the horses were eating, she moved toward one.
“All you have to do is grab near the hoof and tug while you tap the back of his leg here,” she said, demonstrating. The horse, occupied with his hay, obediently lifted his hoof. She propped the hoof between her legs. “Then, just dig out the dirt around the shoe. That’s all there is to it.”
I moved toward the horse beside her and tried to replicate her actions, but nothing happened. The horse was both exceedingly large and stubborn. I tugged again at the foot and tapped in the right place, then tugged and tapped some more. The horse continued to eat, ignoring my efforts.
“He won’t lift his foot,” I complained.
She finished the hoof she was working on, then bent next to my horse. A tap and tug later, the hoof was in place between her legs. “Sure he will. He just knows you don’t know what you’re doing and that you’re uncomfortable around him. You have to be confident about this.” She let the hoof drop, and I took her place, trying again. The horse ignored me once more.
“Watch what I do,” she said carefully.
“I was watching,” I protested.
She repeated the drill; the horse lifted his foot. A moment later I mimicked her exactly, and the horse ignored me. Though I couldn’t claim to read the mind of a horse, I had the strange notion that this one was enjoying my travails. Frustrated, I tapped and tugged relentlessly until finally, as if by magic, the horse’s foot lifted. Despite the minimal nature of my accomplishment, I felt a surge of pride. For the first time since I’d arrived, Savannah laughed.
“Good job. Now just scrape the mud out and go to the next hoof.”
Savannah had finished the other six horses by the time I finished one. When we were done, she opened the gate and the horses trotted into the darkened pasture. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but Savannah moved toward the shed. She had two shovels in hand.
“Now it’s time to clean up,” she said, handing me a shovel.
“Clean up?”
“The manure,” she said. “Otherwise it can get pretty rank around here.”
I took the shovel. “You do this every day?”
“Life’s a peach, isn’t it?” she teased. She left again and returned with a wheelbarrow.
As we began scooping the manure, the sliver of a moon began its rise over the treetops. We worked in silence, the clink and scrape of her shovel a steady rhythm that filled the air. In time we both finished, and I leaned on my shovel, inspecting her. In the shadows of the barnyard, she seemed as lovely and elusive as a wraith. She said nothing, but I could feel her evaluating me.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked.
“Why are you here, John?”
“You already asked me that.”
“I know I did,” she said. “But you didn’t really answer.”
I studied her. No, I hadn’t. I wasn’t sure I could explain it myself and shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
Surprising me, she nodded. “Uh-huh,” she acknowledged.
It was the unqualified acceptance in her voice that made me go on.
“I mean it,” I said. “In some ways, you were the best friend I’ve ever had.”
I could see her expression soften. “Okay,” she said. Her response reminded me of my father, and after she answered, perhaps she realized it as well. I forced myself to survey the property.
“This is the ranch you dreamed of starting, isn’t it?” I asked. “Hope and Horses is for autistic kids, isn’t it?”
