Crossroads

I pick up my coffee mug and push away from the table.

“You two eat. I’l be on the porch.”

Frey gives me a weak smile, and I know it was the right decision.

I take the same old porch chair that I’ve occupied how many times since we arrived? Each time I sit here, it seems there’s a new question to puzzle out.

This time I’m the puzzle. Sani said I would see him again. I am no closer to a resolution now, though, than I was twenty-four hours ago.

Sani said I would see him again. If Sarah never presented my petition, how did he seek me out? Why did he?

The sun rises higher in the sky, reminding me of the first time Frey and I saw the house and Mary Yel ow Bird. I thought her an Indian princess. Now she and her sister are dead. No storybook ending here. Greed and disrespect for her own heritage brought about Mary’s death. Nothing supernatural or otherworldly about it.

So, could I have found the answer if I’d been mortal? Or would the bone charm have ended my life the first night I was here?

Everything that’s happened since I became vampire, everything I’ve accomplished, everyone I’ve saved or harmed, has been because I am no longer human.

But the price. My family living across the ocean. My business partner put in danger twice. No chance of a relationship that lasts longer than it takes to have sex or feed.

Stephen. Too soon yet to see if we can make it work. And if we did—

Twenty mortal years.

If I married, could I bear a child? Or would the stress on my body from the transformation back to mortal make it impossible? Certainly, if I were able to conceive, I would not live to see my grandchildren. Would my enemies in the vampire universe launch their attack on the mortal world knowing I was no longer able to confront them? Would they seek revenge on my family?

What legacy would I leave?

A world of terror? No less crime or injustice? A world stil threatened by Chael’s lust for power?

Sani said there have always been those asked to sacrifice personal happiness for the greater good. Could I real y be one of those? I know my shortcomings. I’m rash, impulsive, quick to judge. I lack the wisdom of the shaman. I’m not pure of heart. I stumble through each crisis blindly. One step at a time. If not for my family, for my friends, Frey and David and Tracey, I doubt I would have survived this last year.

But if not for me, if not for vampire, they might not launcurvived, either.

It comes in a flash of insight.

Vampire and I complement each other. When I need strength and courage, she is there. When she needs compassion and restraint, I am there. We are two halves of a whole.

I gaze out over the land, now dazzling under a blinding summer sky.

Sani said it — I have been wrong to worry I cannot serve as a protector and live life as a mortal. Isn’t that what I’ve done this past year? I’ve walked the tightrope between two worlds and hopeful y, both are better for it. Oh, there are problems that stil need resolving. David and his flickering memories of a night under the spel of a vampire. Harris and his blossoming curiosity about me.

But when did problems ever disappear completely?

My family is safe. I have friends like Daniel Frey who know and accept the vampire. Human friends who know and accept Anna Strong. And now, Stephen.

There is only one way I can protect them al.

And perhaps make up for some of the damage I have caused.

I have my decision.

CHAPTER 48

THERE IS MOVEMENT AT THE EDGE OF THE

PROPERTY. A soft blur of gray moves behind rocks. Then the blur takes shape and steps into the open.

A wolf looks up at me with calm, intel igent eyes.

A thril of eagerness, of anticipation courses through me.

Sani’s messenger.

Wolf comes closer. Not threatening. Her eyes shine into mine. She stops at the edge of the porch, waiting. I come down to meet her. She brushes under my hand until it rests on her back.

The ground tips and begins to spin.

A vortex of sight but no sound. A sensory barrage of color without shape. A rainbow gone mad.

Colors fade. The spinning slows, stops. Wolf is gone.

I’m standing in the middle of a circle. Alone.

Vision clears.

Not alone.

Al around me, twelve ancients sit, their solemn faces reflecting wisdom, understanding, knowing. They are naked except for loincloths of leather, beaded and tied with thongs.

Their faces and bodies are old, creased with age, but exuding vitality and warmth. They each hold a long, slender stick carved with symbols — a tree, a mountain, a stream.

Others I don’t recognize in my ignorance.

For I am more aware of my ignorance than I have ever been. I am humbled to be in the presence of such power. We are not in the cave. I don’t know where we are. It’s open ground and al I see around us is earth and sky.

In the center, Sani. He rises, takes a step into the circle, squats back down, motioning for me to do the same.

As before, I fol ow his example, folding my legs under me.

“You have made a decision,” he says.

My heart thuds with sudden fear. Not for what I am about to ask, but because I have so little right to ask it.

“What is it?” His gentle face reassures me.

“I wil not ask for ortality to be restored. Not for me.”

He catches the subtle nuance of my last words. “What are you asking?”

“I ask that Sarah be returned to her son. She is dead because of me. I can face any chal enge. I am adult and vampire. There is a little boy who lost his mother and aunt. If I can lessen his pain, I wil bear the consequences.”

“The consequences?”

“Grant me twenty years. I wil do al in my power during that time to rid the world of those vampires who would destroy it. I wil make sure my successor is like me — a protector. I ask nothing else.”

Sani is silent. Probing his heart — or mine? I can’t tel. He lets nothing show in his expression.

Final y, he says, “It is always sad when young ones die.

Mary betrayed her sister and tradition. Her al iance with George Long Whiskers led to their deaths. Whether or not you were here, they would stil both be dead.”

“No. They would be alive if I hadn’t persuaded Frey to bring me here.”

“Can you be sure?”

“Does it matter? I am sick that John-John is alone.”

Sani takes my hands in his. “I cannot grant your request.

Sarah has been buried in the Navajo way. She has traveled this path. That you would ask in her name is a tribute to your spirit. I know your fears for the boy, but he wil not be alone.”

I close my eyes for a moment, sadness overwhelming me.