Mardock Scramble

“About half a year ago.”

“What do we have on her at the moment?”

“We have footage from the courtroom and photos,” said Boiled. Welldone took out a pile of photos from the case and passed them around.

“Wonderful! So—what is it exactly that you want?” asked Welldone. Boiled didn’t answer, and Welldone looked back at him silently.

“This was the real target all along, wasn’t it? The five doctors were just the amuse- bouche, and this is the main course. So what is it that you want with this girl?”

“Nothing. To have the target annihilated completely. Give me the nothingness that’s left after her life has disappeared.”

When Welldone heard these words his face turned into a broad smile. “Thus spake the ultimate fetishist! It looks like in Mr. Boiled we’ve happened across our ideal partner.”

“The time limit is three days. We can’t wait any longer than that. The moment it looks like you’re not going to complete your mission in time, we’ll terminate the contract on the spot.”

“Don’t you worry, Mr. Boiled. The pack of hounds that you’ve chosen—Bandersnatch—are the best hunting dogs in the business.” Welldone was now a bundle of pure desire.

Boiled rose from his seat.

When he left the ship he headed straight for the car park without looking back.

The new moon was sharp as a razor, shining down its blue light over the gatehouse.

“Any luck, sir?” It was still the same young security guard on duty. He ran Boiled’s card through the system again. “Anyhow, good luck with the case, sir.”

Boiled nodded in silence.

He set a course for the East Side.

05

“It’s completely unacceptable! Beyond the pale!” Oeufcoque was pointing his finger and—unusually for him— yelling furiously. “An absolute ‘no way’! No questions asked. Have you got that, Balot?”

–I’m sorry, don’t get mad at me! I’ll never lift you up by your tail again.

“I don’t even like discussing it! It’s like my whole person is being judged and found wanting. Just leave my tail alone in every way, please.”

–I’m sorry. I’ll do that. So please stop being so angry?

Oeufcoque lowered the finger he was pointing at her, and eventually his hips followed suit with a thump.

He was on the palm of Balot’s hand. She was using her other hand to hold a bath towel to her chest.

“As long as you understand, it’s okay.”

–I didn’t realize it would upset you so much.

“I don’t know why I got so angry myself.”

–You’re still angry.

“Yes, but it’s fine. I’ll stop taking it out on you.”

–Why don’t you just keep it hidden in your pants? Why do you have a hole on purpose so that you can stick your tail out?

“I think I just asked you to drop it!”

–You also said you’d stop taking it out on me.

“You need a full account, is that it? Very well, then. Out of the many designs of pants that there are, my favorite design happens to have a hole in the—” Oeufcoque cut himself off for a second, throwing his arms in the air out of frustration. “That bloody Doctor, saying things like Don’t you think those pants make your backside look big, or Be careful where you park that thing, it needs warning lights—he’s given me such a complex about my magnificent tail!”

Balot did her best to stop herself, but in the end she couldn’t help bursting out into silent laughter.

“Don’t laugh at me, I’m begging you…” Oeufcoque pleaded with a pathetic expression.

This only made her laugh even more. She doubled over, holding her towel to her stomach now.

“Anyway, shouldn’t you be thinking about your own clothes rather than worrying about my pants? Unlike me you don’t even have any proper hair on your body. You’ll catch a cold if all you wear is a single towel.”

Balot’s whole body was shaking along with her laughter, but she managed a small nod.

“And the Doctor’s waiting for us too.”

–Can you wait for me, though? I’m in pain. I’m laughing too much.

“Still laughing? Well, I’m so delighted that I could be of service in this way—I’m glad I amuse you.”

–Stop sulking.

“I’m not sulking!”

–Of course you aren’t. Sorry.

Balot wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and kissed Oeufcoque on his tail.

“Was that a peace offering? Very well, I accept. Now, considering the real and present danger facing your health, let’s move on to a mission to acquire appropriate clothing for you.”

–Thank you.

Balot stood up and let her towel fall to the floor. She lifted Oeufcoque up carefully with both hands and snarced him with feeling. Oeufcoque, with his usual squelch, melted in Balot’s hand and widened and slithered to cover her whole body.

Oeufcoque wrapped the stark naked Balot from top to toe. A black bodysuit covered her from her fingertips to the ends of her toes. Both of her palms were stuck together, as Oeufcoque couldn’t turn into two things at once.

Balot peeled her hands apart with the gentlest of motions. Savoring the sensation of the bodysuit— comfortable, flexible, tight—she went to take a peek at herself in the mirror.

She was a little disappointed.

–It’s not very stylish.

“Maybe not, but it is heatproof, coldproof, shockproof, pressure-resistant—and can magnify your snarc. Oh, and there’s a zipper at the back, so please use that to take me off when I’m turned out.”

–Doesn’t it come in any other designs?

“You can modify the design as you like, all you have to do is think about it—but let’s not get bogged down with the trivial stuff just now.”

–You get bogged down with trivial stuff like your pants, Balot answered back as she put on her boots.

She left her room and headed toward the elevator. The giant building, the former mortuary, was in fact full of rooms that were formerly used as morgues—and, therefore, despite the size of the place, not much of it was serviceable as living quarters.

Balot used the elevator used for goods arrivals to head down and got off at the underground garage, where she noticed a number of gasoline-fueled cars.

The red convertible was there too.

–Did you make these cars yourself, Oeufcoque?

“Yup, apart from the license plates, the gas, and a couple specialist patented parts. Took me the best part of the month to make a single vehicle. I’m very meticulous about my designs—it’s the artist in me.”

–I wish the artist in you was meticulous about the designs for my clothes.

“Uh…sure, well, let’s focus on our training for now, that’s our first priority.”

They entered into the garage proper, and by one of the walls they saw the Doctor, piling up some complicated-looking machinery.

He smiled as he saw Balot come toward him.