She rolled her eyes. “Oh, how quickly you put me in the past. Fine. Tell me. I need to know.'
I pulled myself together slightly. “Okay, it's not about you, it's her. It's Lynn. I'm in love with her, Bev. I went through three sessions with her and felt like shit for not coming clean with her, so I did, but only after she admitted she wanted more than what we do here.'
“Go on.” Even brown eyes can look cold sometimes.
I nodded. “I revealed who I was and that I knew her. She was upset at first, but I promised I'd go away and leave her alone. She calmed down and we talked and decided to continue the relationship. But she has a problem with the risk associated with multiple partners and asked me to give this up. I agreed.'
“Oh, so I'm risky all of a sudden?” she snarled.
I sighed. I didn't blame her for her anger. “No, it's not about you, even though she doesn't know about you and me. She realizes I've been having sex with total strangers, including herself. So we both did STD panels, and we're clean.'
“Does she love you?” Bev asked, suddenly looking plaintive, and less imposing and angry.
“I don't know. She hasn't said. But I told her just last night.'
“Well, I love you, too!” Bev exclaimed. “Doesn't that mean anything?'
“Of course it does. But you can love me only so much and in one way. Come on, Bev, you have a spouse and a brand-new kid at home. You can't be there for me. They depend on you,” I reminded her. I remembered well how shocked I had been to discover this after several weeks in the dungeon, and had just barely been able to snatch myself back from the abyss of falling in love with the magnificent Teutonic dominant. After that, I had concentrated on the sexual aspect of our relationship and blocked out everything else. It hadn't been easy and I was proud of myself for having compartmentalized it all so neatly. Then Lynn showed up and I had felt free to become totally involved with her.
“But… you know Marta hates this stuff. I'm only allowed to come here and do this to keep from annoying her,” Beverly reminded me.
“I remember you explained how disappointed you were when she finally told you she could never do this, and it drove you here. Is that what you mean?'
“Yes, and while I do it with anyone who pays, I thought we had a bond. A special one.” Now it was Bev's turn to cry, and I decided to join her.
I stood up and went behind the desk, shoved the chair back and sank on Bev's lap. “I love you, Bev, I really do, and I probably would have loved you more if there had been room. But you have a spouse, and you don't need me. Lynn needs me more than she can even admit to herself. She's seriously flawed and tremendously lonely. I can love her regardless. There's room for me in her life that you just don't have.” I put my arms around my former lover and we just bawled like babies.
“Shit. I'm always gonna love you. You know that,” Bev sniffed. “If I had met you first, there'd have been no Marta, and no Juan-Samuel.'
“I know, and I don't blame you. I'll always love you, too.'
“If she ever doesn't want you, come back to me,” Bev said. “Come back.'
I looked into her enormous brown eyes, now red with crying, and we kissed deeply. It tore my heart in two.
When we finally broke apart, I said, “You'll always be my special friend, Bev. I mean, if you'll have me as a friend, I'll always be here for you.'
“Yes, let's be friends,” she agreed. “Life is too hard without friends.'
“Thanks. You're the best,” I said, getting up. “I have never licked better leather.'
She laughed at that. “Be good and be happy. I'll be all right, and I wish you the best with her. This won't be easy,” she cautioned. “Lynn didn't get that way overnight, and you won't easily convince her to love you if it's not something she's inclined to do.'
“I know. But this is my big chance for a truly compatible lover. I have to try.” I picked up my check. I had to go before we ended up crying all night.
“Stay in touch,” she said.
“I will. I know I'll need advice,” I promised.
And after another ten minutes of tears in my car, I was able to drive home.
Chapter Thirteen
Sunday Lynn had me over for brunch, which was her excuse to spend several hours with me but still get rid of me in time to prepare herself for the week ahead. She had shown me her calendar once and she did more things in a week than I did in three months. I was amazed to discover she taught a graduate course one night a week on the Lakeland campus of the mega-university near Tampa.
“Should I call you ‘Professor?'” I had teased.
“No, actually, ‘Professor’ is a title and not a form of address,” Lynn lectured pompously.
“Yes, dear, I know that,” I said acidly. “I was looking for another way for you to dominate me.'
Her eyebrow went up. “Oh, do I need one?'
“No, you scare me enough as it is,” I admitted with a grin. Then she distracted me with some delectable body part and I had forgotten about it.
Now we were on the lanai beside the pool and she had several chafing dishes on the table. Gourmet cooking was her hobby, and like everything else she did, it was perfect.
“You know, what we did at school was fun, but we really shouldn't take any more chances,” she began after she served the crepes.
“I know, and it's okay. I figured it was a one-time thing. You can't break a window every week,” I agreed.
“I'd like to.” Lynn gave me a sultry look. “I'm looking forward to being put through my paces today.'
“What would you like?” I asked. “Anything particular?'
“I liked when you made me polish your boots with my pussy,” she said, flushing.
“I think that can be arranged,” I said. “I'm sure you need to be punished.'
“I always need to be punished,” Lynn said to me. “I'm a very, very bad little principal,” she said, and then she threw back her head and laughed, because she thought she was the best educator on the face of the earth.
So did I, but her ego needed no further stroking. “You're mean and cold and cranky and impatient. And I love you,” I reminded her.
“Will you love me more the meaner I am?” she asked sweetly.
“It depends. If you happened to be standing over me with your boot on my throat, I probably would. Got any boots?” I asked casually.
“Nothing with heels. Riding boots. Like those?” she asked, doing suggestive things with her lips and a slice of melon.
“Actually, I'm quite partial to riding boots,” I said as my heart rate speeded up. It was what I missed most since leaving the dungeon and my sessions with Beverly.
“I'll keep that in mind,” Lynn said. “Since I'm the real dominant, I know I have a responsibility to put you in your place once in a while.'
“Yes, ma'am, please do.'
“I will, but today is my day. Today you will use me until I scream for mercy. I mean, you will, won't you, Jane?” Her voice took on a pleading tone.
“Be careful what you ask for,” I said with a grin.
“Will you hurt me?” she wondered.
“Yes.'
“Humiliate me?'
“Yes.'
“Make me beg?'
“Absolutely.'
