Kitty's Greatest Hits

“Right, the big question. Like, why are we here, what’s the point to life, that sort of thing?”

“I’m curious to hear what you think about it.”

“That’s my line.” Kitty sounded put out.

“Are you going to tell me?”

She sighed, a hiss over the radio. “All right. I’ll bite. Here’s what I think, with the caveat that I may be wrong: I think we’re here to make the world a better place than we found it. I think we don’t always deserve the cards that we’re dealt, good or bad. But we are judged by how we play the cards we’re dealt. Those of us with a bum deal that make it harder to do good—we just have to work a little more is all. There’s no destiny. There’s just muddling through without doing too much damage.”

Jake admired Kitty: She was so down-to-earth and practical and yet inspiring, all at the same time. All she really wanted was for people to stop feeling sorry for themselves, get off their asses, and make their lives better. She made it sound like anyone could do it.

It was almost enough to inspire him get off his ass and make his life better.

“Hmm, that’s very nice,” the vampire said, and the condescension in his voice made Jake fume, gritting the back of his teeth in frustration. Easy for him to be arrogant.

On a whim, he picked up the phone and dialed. Kitty was always telling her listeners to do something—here he was, doing something.

“All right. I know you’re just trying to bait me. Why don’t you come out and say what you want to say.”

The caller’s attitude got even worse.

“You talk about us, vampires and lycanthropes, like we’re afflicted. Like we have a handicap. And I suppose if your goal is to pass as human, to blend in with society, then it is a handicap. But have you ever thought that we are the chosen ones? Fate marked us, and we became what we are. We are superior, marked by destiny, and one day we will rule the world…”

Jake gripped the edge of the counter until the plastic cracked. He let go, startled. Cheap crap. And the guy on the radio was still talking. This was the glorified stereotype, the reason why some people actually wanted to be vampires. This was all those stories of elegant men and women, hundreds of years old, stalking the night like predators—such a sexy picture that made. Made it sound like you’d actually get something good out of the transformation.

The guy didn’t say anything about what happened when you got your throat ripped out in the back alley of a convenience store. Jake never saw what did it—a piece of shadow broke away from the night and swallowed him, and he remembered thinking this was it, he was done, and he’d always meant to go back to college and finish that last semester, and now he never would and what a waste it all was. He’d woken up freezing cold, in a dark room, and had assumed it was hell, and you didn’t just go to hell for being bad—you went there for being nothing. But no, it wasn’t hell, not like that. The thing that attacked him transformed him, saved him, because he thought it would be funny, and then abandoned him.

Oh, please let his call get through so he could rant at this guy.

The phone rang. Three rings, four rings. She wouldn’t even pick up the phone. But at least it wasn’t busy …

After five rings, someone answered. “You’ve reached The Midnight Hour.”

Then it happened so fast. He talked to a guy, a screener, gave his name, what he wanted to talk about, “That guy who said he knew Byron made me so mad,” was what he thought he said. The screener told him to turn his radio off—and the show, Kitty’s voice, piped through the phone.

Oh my God, oh my God—

“Well, thank you for the public service announcement.” Her voice dripped with her trademark sarcasm. “I’m cutting you off now, you’ve had a little too much ego tonight. Next call—ooh, I think I might have a debate for us here. Hello, Jake? You’re on the air. What do you have for me?”

If he still had a heartbeat, it would be racing. As it was, he was afraid he was going to swallow his tongue. He had to remember to breathe so he’d have air to speak. He sucked in like a bellows and almost choked.

“Um, Kitty? Oh, wow. I mean—” Stupid! He was an idiot. Get it together. “Hi.”

“Hi. So you have a response to our esteemed vampire caller.”

Remember how angry he was. He had to get this off his chest. “Oh, do I ever. That guy is so full of … crap. I mean, I really want to know where I can get in on some of this vampire world domination action. ’Cause I’m a vampire and I’m stuck working the night shift at a Speedy Mart. I’m not top of any food chain.” His blood—borrowed blood, weak blood—ran hot, burning to the tips of his ears. He probably looked almost human right now.

“You’re not part of a Family?”

He almost laughed. “If it weren’t for your show I wouldn’t even know about Families.” He wouldn’t know what he was missing. He would just think that he’d been dealt the shittiest hand imaginable: working the night shift at Speedy Mart for all eternity.

He felt calmer, getting it out. He’d kept this a secret. This was the first time he’d said out loud, I’m a vampire.

Kitty said, “I know this is personal, but I take it that you were made a vampire under violent circumstances, against your will.”

“Got that right. And if destiny had anything to do with it, I’d sure like to know why.”

“I wish I had an answer for you, Jake. You got one of the bad cards. But since you and I both know there’s no destiny involved, you have a choice on what to do about it.” Her voice was friendly, comforting. He wasn’t going to get reamed for being whiny. You have a choice. But what could he do?

“I really just wanted to tell the other side of the story. My side. That guy wasn’t speaking for all vampires. Thanks for listening.”

“That’s what I’m here for. I’m going to move on to the next call now, okay? Good luck to you, Jake.”

And the line clicked off. Just like that, it was over. Good luck. Was luck anything like destiny?

The bell on the door rang, and two women came into the store. They were college-aged, dressed in sweats, their hair up in ponytails. They giggled and looked a little dazed. They were probably on a road trip, driving all night, and stopped for sodas and snacks to keep them awake. Sure enough, one headed for the refrigerator section and the other to the chips aisle.

He tried to say hello to them as they walked past, but they didn’t hear him. Or they ignored him. Either way, he felt like an idiot.

He could hear their heartbeats from across the store, and sense the warm trail their bodies left in the air as they moved. Fresh blood. Beautiful. He tried not to stare.

He wasn’t going to attack them for blood or anything. He appreciated the company too much for that. Maybe they’d smile at him when he rang them up. Maybe he could think of something clever to say—without sounding creepy. Have an actual conversation. So, where are you girls headed? No, that was creepy. Stalkerish. Nice night we’re having …

He leaned on the counter and tried to look friendly.

That was another thing: Vampires were supposed to be so seductive, having this uncanny ability to lure anyone they wanted into their clutches. But he looked at these girls and clammed up, got all nervous and sweaty- palmed, like any other geeky kid. He wouldn’t be seducing anyone.

Maybe he was too new a vampire. He’d only been at this a few months. Maybe he just needed to practice. Smile. Work on the smile. And saying hi—warmly, but not too eagerly. The girls were still in the back of the store, giggling over something. He tried to see them in the convex security mirrors, but no luck.

Man, this sucked. How much of a loser was he when becoming a vampire didn’t even make him cool?

He tapped a hand on the counter, adding another crack, and told himself to stop fidgeting.

The bell rang again, making him flinch. He straightened from the counter and looked. A man walked in, and the hairs on Jake’s neck tingled, all his muscles tensing. The guy wore a heavy coat with the hood pulled over his head—in the heat of summer. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets. The right one had a bulge larger than just