work.
I was the juniormost fellow with the fixed smile. There was a spirit of generous welcome, the spirit of one- of-us and how-many-kids and letVhave-lunch. I wanted to be bound to the company. I felt com-plicit with some unspoken function of the corporation. I stayed late and worked weekends. I corrected my foot-drag step. I heard my own voice and saw my smile and earned an office at the end of the hall, where I wore a crisp gray suit and grew stronger by the day.
It was a long run through a narrow draw on the last day of the conference and we jostled for space, Sims and I, just beginning to forget the tremor in the fives and the way the room spoke to us, and I thought this is when we get the aftershock, after we forget the shock.
The first part of the run was a monologue that Sims delivered with a veteran's artful zest and he stopped talking only to take deep breaths or blow sweat off the edge of his upper lip.
'The thing about raw sewage,' he said. 'You treat it with loving care. You route it through bar screens way underground. And pump it up to settling tanks and aeration tanks. And you separate it and skim it and nurse it with bacteria.'
He went through the process in lushest detail, stroking certain words, drawing them out, oozy, swampy, semisolid, thick, slick, sludge.
'Because this is your medium now. A tarlike substance with a funky savor to it.'
What gusto he managed to salvage from our punishing run, eyes wide and voice strong-he made it sound like a personal attack.
'One crew leaves, they have to press-gang another.'
He pulled ahead of me and I caught up and we went hard past the golf course in the bright clean heat.
Later we drove back together and went directly to the campus, our Los Angeles headquarters, a series of bridge-linked buildings with mirrored facades, high above a freeway, and I could see it all shatter in slow motion in my mind.
A cobbled road took us past ponds and blond sculpture and cinnamon trails for jogging.
'You see these buildings breaking apart and coming down?'
He looked at me.
'You don't think this is what we're supposed to see when we look at these buildings?'
He wanted nothing to do with this idea.
'You don't think it's a new way of seeing?'
We walked along hallway mazes fitted with electronic gates that Sims opened by inserting a keycard in a lockset. This was the smart new world of microprocessors that read coded keys. I liked the buzz and click of the card in the lock. It signified connection. I liked the feeling of some power source accessible to those of us with coded keys. In the elevator he spoke his name into a voiceprint device, Simeon Branson Biggs, suitably sonorous, and the machine lifted instantly to three.
We sat in his office.
'Nobody dies here. I get blood pressure readings right down the hall. We have exercise rooms. They measure my body fat and tell me what to eat in grams and ounces.'
He lit a cigar and looked at me through the skeptical smoke.
'People come to work in tennis shoes and blond beards. Play tennis and volleyball. I go to sleep black every night and come back white in the morning.'
He wore shoes we used to call clodhoppers, great heavy things with squared-off toe caps.
'You believe in God?' he said.
'Yes, I think so.'
'We'll go to a ball game sometime.'
'And you wait for a sludge tanker to come and get it. Honey buckets, they're called in the Northeast. The tanker dumps the sludge in the ocean. Like you take a dump in your own home. One hundred and six miles from the Jersey shore, legally. Or less, illegally.'
'Interesting.'
'Interesting,' he said. 'Isn't it?'
'Yes it is.'
'Never thought about it, did you?'
'I thought about it a little.'
'Never thought about it. Say it.'
'I thought about it vaguely maybe.'
'Vaguely maybe. I see. That's well put. Perfect really.'
A delta-wing plane nudged the sun and vanished in the dizzy ozone, climbing dreamily.
'But how is it my medium?' I said.
We ran through the gulley, over the stony surface.
'This is what you and I. And all of us here. Fundamentally deal with. Over and above. Or under and below. Our stated duties.'
'You're saying all waste.'
'That's what I'm saying.'
All waste defers to shit. All waste aspires to the condition of shit.
We poked and elbowed, jockeying for advantage, and Sims blew mist off his upper lip.
'How are things at home? Things all right at home?'
'Things are good. Things are fine at home. Thanks for asking.'
'Love your wife?' he said.
'Love my wife.'
'Better love her. She loves you.'
We went a little faster and he took off his cap and hit me with it and put it back on.
'But this ship thing,' I said.
'This ship thing is a dumb rumor that builds on itself.'
'The ship is a running joke.'
'The crew keeps changing. You know that?' he said. 'They change the crew more often than they change the name of the ship.'
He laughed and hit me with his hat.
He was waiting for Chuckie Wainwright. The broad-backed work of the waterfront went on around him, a sense of enormous tonnage and skyhook machinery, tractor-trailers crooking into marked slots and containered goods stacked on the decks of tremendous ships, you almost can't believe how big, and the what-do-you-call, the booms of dockside cranes swinging cargo through the mist. And farther out in the bay an aircraft carrier easing toward the Golden Gate, sent on its way by a mongrel fleet of small craft and three fireboats spritzing great arcs of water like a champagne farewell.
Marvin checked his watch for the tenth time in the last hour. He stood near a transit shed where he was safe from the action. He resembled a gentile lost in a fog, wearing a suede touring cap and a double-breasted raincoat with epaulets, gun flaps, raglan sleeves, he knows these terms from years in dry cleaning, broad-welt pockets, belt loops, sleeve straps and so many buttons he felt dressed for life.
He carried a telescopic umbrella enclosed in a sheath that belonged to a different umbrella, he has kelly green inside sky blue, not that it mattered to anyone but his wife.
Sims had calls to make and mail to read. I spent some time with other people and then took a taxi to my hotel-I'd be here for a couple of days. And the taxi driver said something odd. We were driving along. I didn't know where we were. You come to a city and you go where the driver takes you-you go on faith. And he said something either to me or to himself. He was an old guy with nervous hands and a catch in his voice, a half gasp like a splice that wasn't working.
He said, 'Light up a Lucky. It's light-up time.'
Neither one of us had a cigarette in hand or showed any sign of reaching for one. Maybe he was just recalling the old slogan, idly, reciting the thing simply because he'd thought of it, because it had shot to mind out of some nowhere in the memory, but it was odd and unsettling.
