As soon as Jack pulled away, Lily scooted to the opposite end of the couch. She hadn’t felt another woman’s lips on hers since Charlotte’s, and the feel of Jack’s lips made her ache for Charlotte’s kisses.
But there was something else, too. “Jack, I’m not ready...”
“I know. I ought not to have done that. It was just that I couldn’t make the words come out right, and I’ve always been better at doing things than saying them. I know you’re not ready yet, Lily. You’re a widow in mourning — I understand that. I guess what I’m trying to say is...if you ever decide you’re ready, then I’m ready, too.”
Lily’s head felt as if it might explode from being so full of fear and sadness and confusion. She hadn’t even been allowed a decent period of mourning before she had to worry about losing her daughter.
Then there were the numerous pressures of maintaining a fake marriage, the hearing that was coming up sooner than she liked to think about, and now this. “Jack, I can’t even think about this right now. I still love Charlotte—”
“And you always will. I understand that. But I don’t think Charlotte would want you to spend the rest of your life alone ... to bury yourself right along with her. Once the hearing is over, Lily, you’re gonna have to take a little of the time you’ve been using to think about Mimi’s needs and think about your own.”
Lily choked back a sob. “Once the hearing is over, I might not have my daughter.”
“That’s true. But even if you don’t, you don’t have to be all alone.”
“Well, thank you for saying that. You’re—”
“A good friend? I know. And if that’s all I can be now, I accept that. I just had to let you know, Lily. I had to tell you because the other mornin’, when I woke up knowing you were in my house ... the house was a lot happier place because you were in it.”
Lily’s emotions were scattered all over the place. She felt simultaneously trapped, terrified, and touched.
Jack rose from the couch. “I know you’re not in a position to make any promises, Lily. I just wanted to say my piece, and I reckon I’ve said it.”
“Yeah, I guess you have.”
“There’s just one more thing, though. I wanna make sure this isn’t my imagination. When our eyes meet, when you look at me...there’s somethin’ there, isn’t there?”
Lily thought of the first time she saw Jack — the moment she realized Jack was a woman. She thought of Jack’s hands working to heal a wounded animal, of Jack rolling on the floor playing with Mimi. As much as she’d like to, there was no denying it. “Yeah,” she said, avoiding eye contact. “There’s something there.”
Jack flashed a wide grin. “I didn’t think it was my imagination. I guess that was all I really wanted to know.” She headed toward the door. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I’ll go now.”
Lily knew that Jack wanted her to tell her to stay. But Lily was ready for Jack to leave. She had reached emotional overload, and all she could think about was curling up in a fetal ball in the womb of her bed. “Good night, Jack.”
“Good night.”
In her bed, Lily cried because Charlotte had died before Lily had finished loving her. She
