so.
She drew a deep breath, crossed to her desk, seated herself behind it, switched on her terminal, and pretended to be studying the document upon it, then waited.
Precisely one hundred and twenty seconds from the moment she'd given him the instruction, MacGuiness opened the cabin hatch.
'Your Grace,' he said, 'your visitor is here.'
There was something peculiar about his voice, and something even odder about his emotions, and Honor looked up sharply.
'Hello, Honor,' her visitor said, and she shot up out of her chair.
'Hamish!'
She never clearly remembered stepping around her desk. She just was, and then she walked straight into his arms.
She heard a thump behind her as Samantha vaulted from Hamish's shoulder and flowed across the carpet. She tasted Nimitz's awakening and sudden delight as his mate's mind-glow reached out to him, and then Hamish's arms were about her, and hers were about him.
'Hamish,' she repeated more quietly, almost wonderingly, letting her head rest on his shoulder.
''Salamander,' indeed.' Hamish's deep voice was more than a little frayed around the edges, and his arms tightened. 'Damn it, woman-can't you go anywhere without somebody trying to kill you?!'
'I'm sorry,' she said, never opening her eyes as she tasted his very real worry. 'I'm sorry, but no one could have seen this one coming.'
'I know, I know,' he sighed, and his embrace loosened at last.
He put his hands on her upper arms, holding her back at arm's length, and looked deeply into her eyes. He lacked her own empathic abilities, but once again, she tasted that echo of a treecat bonding between them, and she knew she could no more conceal her innermost feelings from him than he could conceal his from her.
'Poor Honor,' he said, after a moment. 'Love, when we got the initial dispatches, Emily and I-' He broke off, shaking his head firmly. 'Let's just say we didn't take it well. I wanted to come straight out here personally, but I was afraid of the attention I might have drawn. But then you fired Mandel, and I decided the hell with the attention I might attract. I know you, Honor. You wouldn't have brought the hammer down that hard on him unless he was a complete and utter idiot and you felt an overriding urgency to get someone competent to replace him, or unless you were really, really hurting. In either case, I needed to be here.'
'I suppose it was a bit of each,' she admitted, stepping back and linking her arm through his. She urged him across the cabin, and the two of them sat side by side on the couch, leaning comfortably against one another.
'I am hurting, badly,' she said quietly. 'Not just over Simon. Not even mostly over him, in some ways. Tim-'
She broke off, biting her lip, her vision misting, remembering how vehemently she had rejected Mercedes Brigham's suggestion that perhaps she should be thinking about filling the hole in her staff Mears death had left. But no admiral was required to have a flag lieutenant, and Honor refused to replace him. It might not be the most rational decision she'd ever made, but she had no intention of changing her mind.
'I'm hurting,' she repeated. 'And I will be, for a long time. But I honestly believe that it was mostly because he was such a square peg in a round hole.'
'From the tone of your dispatches-and, frankly, his report to Pat Givens-I sort of figured it was something like that,' he said. 'Although, I understand Mandel really does have a reputation as an effective investigator.
'I don't doubt he does,' she said. 'In fact, tobe scrupulously fair, which I really don't want to, I imagine he really is very good at what he does... under more normal circumstances. But in this instance, he's simply not the man for the job. Maybe he's too experienced. It's like... like he's got some sort of tunnel vision. He knows what he knows, and he's going to focus in on that and get the job done without any distractions from amateurs who don't know their ass from their elbow about criminal investigations.'
Hamish quirked one eyebrow at her language.
'You are pissed,' he observed.
'Frustrated,' she corrected. 'Well, and maybe pissed off because he made me so frustrated. But he wouldn't believe me when I told him Tim was being compelled somehow, and he wasn't ready to believe Nimitz was smart enough to recognize what was going on-assuming a 'cat really had any sort of telempathic ability in the first place- or to tell anyone anything sensible if he could recognize it.'
'Jesus, he managed to step on all your sore toes, didn't he?'
'Just about,' she admitted, smiling faintly at the humor in his voice. 'But he was so fixated on the notion that my sense of guilt was making me believe the best about Tim that he wasn't paying any attention to what I was telling him about what really happened. And he wasn't about to change his mind, either. I could tell.'
She tapped her temple with her right forefinger, grimacing wryly, and he nodded.
'I figured that was what it was. And I imagine from what you're saying you weren't about to tell him you'd sensed what was happening?'
Honor simply snorted, and he chuckled without much humor.
'Frankly, I'm just as glad you didn't. I'd like you to go on holding that little ability in reserve for as long as you can. Let people think Nimitz is the one doing the sensing. It never hurts to be underestimated in some ways.'
'I know. Not to mention the fact that I don't want people to think I'm some sort of mind-reading, privacy- invading freak.'
'Um.'
Hamish gazed into space for a few moments, then looked back at her.
'I don't doubt a single thing you've said,' he told her, 'but I've got to tell you, I viewed the same footage from the bridge visuals.' His face tightened. 'It scared the shit out of me, too, even though I knew you hadn't been hurt before they ever showed it to me.'
He shook his head, jaw muscles bunching for a second, and she slipped her arm around him and squeezed tightly.
'But the point I was going to make,' he continued more normally after a couple of heartbeats, 'was that watching what happened, I can see why someone who didn't realize how you can get inside somebody else's head would discount the possibility that Lieutenant Mears was trying to stop himself. He moved so fast, Honor. So smoothly. As if he'd not only planned out what he was going to do, but actually rehearsed it ahead of time. I don't know if you really realize sometimes just how fast your own reflexes are, but you killed him just fractions of a second before he would have killed you. And I don't think anyone else could have done it, trick finger or not.'
Honor looked down at her gloved left hand.
'I know it was fast,' she said. 'If I'd had even a fraction of a second more warning-if I'd been able to do more than just shout Simon's name-we might....'
She stopped and made herself inhale.
'I'll always wonder if it would have been better not to shout,' she said, admitting to Hamish what she wasn't certain she would have been able to admit only to herself. 'Did I distract him? Did I make him look at me, in exactly the wrong direction, when he might have seen something, noticed something?' She looked into Hamish's eyes. 'Did I get him killed?'
'No.' Hamish shook his head firmly. 'Yes, you may have distracted him, but distracted him from what? From watching a young man he'd seen literally thousands of times walk into Flag Bridge on a perfectly legitimate errand?' He shook his head again. 'Not even a Grayson armsman would have expected anything like this, love.'
'But he was my friend,' Honor half-whispered. 'I... loved him.'
'I know.'
It was Hamish's turn to squeeze her, and she leaned into his embrace.
'Nonetheless,' he went on, 'the fact that you had to so little warning suggests a couple of things to me.'
'Such as?'
'First, there's no way he was a Peep agent. He never could've concealed that from you-or Nimitz-for this long. Second, whatever happened to him, he hadn't been personality adjusted.'
'Why not? I mean, why can you be so confident of that?'
'Partly because Mandel, however pigheaded you may've found him, was right. Adjustment takes time-lots of
