the carts on the island looked the same, but he could identify his because of the baby seat with the pink-and-white cushioning. His family was still here.
He went up the steps and the hostess, recognizing him as a local, pointed to the table where his family was seated. He hurried over and pulled out a chair next to Graciela. They were close to being finished. He noticed that the waitress had already left the check on the table.
“Sorry I’m late.”
He took a chip out of the basket at the center of the table and dragged it through the salsa and guacamole bowls before shoving it into his mouth. Graciela looked at her watch and then pierced him with her deep brown eyes. He weathered it and got ready for the next one which he knew was surely coming.
“I can’t stay.”
She loudly put her fork down on her plate. She was finished.
“Terry…”
“I know, I know. But something’s come up. I have to go across tonight.”
“What could’ve possibly come up? You’re off the case. It’s Sunday. People are watching football, not running around trying to solve murders that they’re not even asked to.”
She pointed to a television mounted in the upper corner of the room. Three talking heads with thick necks sat at a counter with a football field behind them. McCaleb knew that the day’s game would determine the Super Bowl contenders. He couldn’t care less, though he did suddenly remember he had promised Raymond that they would watch at least one of the games together.
“I have been asked, Graciela.”
“What are you talking about? You said they asked you off the case.”
He told her about discovering Bosch on the boat that morning and what he had asked McCaleb to do.
“And this is the guy you told Jaye probably did it?”
McCaleb nodded.
“How’d he know where you lived?”
“He didn’t. He knew about the boat, not where we live. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“I think I do. Terry, you are going too far with this and you are going completely blind to the dangers to yourself and your family. I think -”
“Really? I think -”
He stopped and reached into his pocket and pulled out two quarters. He turned to Raymond.
“Raymond, are you finished eating?”
“Yeah.”
“You mean yes?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, take these. Go play the video machine over there by the bar.”
The boy took the quarters.
“You’re excused.”
Raymond hesitantly hopped down and then trotted into the next room where there were tabletop video games that they had played before. He chose a game McCaleb knew was Pac-Man and sat down. He was not out of McCaleb’s sight.
McCaleb looked back at Graciela, who had her purse up on her lap and was taking money out and putting it down on the check.
“Graciela, forget about that. Look at me.”
She finished with the money and pushed her wallet back into the purse. She looked at him.
“We have to go. CiCi has to take her nap.”
The baby was in her bouncing chair on the table, one hand grasping the blue-and-white ball on the wire.
“She’s fine. She can sleep right there. Just listen to me for a minute.”
He waited and she put a conceding look on her face.
“All right. Say what you have to say and then I have to leave.”
McCaleb turned and leaned close to Graciela so that his words would be heard only by her. He noticed the edge of one of her ears poking through her hair.
“We are heading toward a big problem here, aren’t we?”
Graciela nodded and immediately the tears came down her cheeks. It was as if his saying the words out loud had knocked down the thin defensive mechanism she had constructed inside to protect herself and her marriage. McCaleb pulled the unused napkin out from beneath his silverware setting and handed it to her. He then put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her toward him and kissed her on the cheek. Over the top of her head he saw Raymond watching them with a scared look on his face.
“We’ve talked about this, Graci,” he began. “You have it in your head that we can’t have our home and our family and everything else if this is what I do. The problem is in that word ‘if.’ That is the mistake here. Because there is no ‘if’ here. It’s not ‘if this is what I do.’ It is what I do. And I’ve gone too long thinking otherwise, trying to convince myself of something else.”
More tears came and she held the napkin to her face. She cried silently but McCaleb was sure people in the restaurant had noticed and were watching them instead of the television above them. He checked on Raymond and saw the boy was back to playing the video game.
“I know,” Graciela managed to say.
He was surprised by her acknowledgment. He took it as a good sign.
“So then what do we do? I’m not talking about just now and this case. I mean, for now and forever. What do we do? Graci, I am tired of trying to be what I’m not and of ignoring the thing inside that I know is what I am truly all about. It took this case to finally make me realize it and admit it to myself.”
She didn’t say anything. He wasn’t expecting her to.
“You know I love you and the kids. That’s not the issue. I think I can have both and you think I can’t. You’ve adopted this one-or-the-other attitude and I don’t think it’s right. Or fair.”
He knew his words were hurting her. He was drawing a line. One of them had to capitulate. He was saying it wasn’t going to be him.
“Look, let’s think about this. This isn’t a good place to talk. What I am going to do is finish my work on this thing and then we’ll sit down and talk about our future. Is that okay?”
She slowly nodded but didn’t look at him.
“You do what you have to do,” she said in a tone McCaleb knew would make him feel guilty forever. “I just hope you’ll be careful.”
He pulled himself over and kissed her again.
“I’ve got too much here with you not to be.”
He got up and came around the table to the baby. He kissed her on top of the head and then unhitched the chair’s safety belt and lifted her out.
“I’ll take her down to the cart,” he said. “Why don’t you get Raymond?”
He carried the baby down to the cart and secured her in the safety seat. He put her bouncing chair in the rear storage compartment. Graciela came down with Raymond a few minutes later. Her eyes were swollen from the crying. McCaleb put his hand on Raymond’s shoulder and walked him to the front passenger seat.
“Raymond, you’re going to have to watch the second game without me. I have some work I have to do.”
“I can go with you. I can help you.”
“No, it’s not a charter.”
“I know, but I can still help you.”
McCaleb knew Graciela was looking at him and he felt the guilt like the sun on his back.
“Thanks but maybe next time, Raymond. Put on your seat belt.”
Once the boy was safely in, McCaleb stepped back from the cart. He looked at Graciela, who was no longer looking at him.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. And I’ll have the phone with me if you want to call.”
Graciela didn’t acknowledge him. She pulled the cart away from the curb and headed up Marilla Avenue. He watched them until they were out of sight.
