sake!'
He shook his head and turned into the parking garage for the conference center. 'It's a different type of creativity. Regardless, you almost make me wish I was back at the beginning, trying to get it started. I know you're full of uncertainty, Emma, but that's part of the excitement. Don't fear uncertainty: see it at as the world of possibilities that it truly is. You have everything in front of you-enjoy the journey.'
Emma stared at him, her concern for herself forgotten. 'Jeez, Russ, you make it sound like you're too old to do something new yourself. You're only thirty-six! If you want to start a new company or try something different, why don't you? You've got enough money to take time off and do what you want, don't you?'
Russ parked the car, then sat silent, staring forward.
'Couldn't you do that?' Emma asked.
'Do you know, I've never seriously thought about it.'
'Well, think about it!'
He reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. 'Not tonight. Tonight is your night. Let's go show them who you are.'
Emma grinned. 'Hoo rah! Super Emma has entered the building!'
He raised a brow.
She laughed. 'C'mon, coach. Game time.'
Russ watched with pride and a strange sense of distance as Emma schmoozed with city officials, railroad reps, and architects. She'd given her presentation with only a few quavers of the voice, finding her footing once she started explaining her concept for the train station. Hers was not the flashiest, most expensive display, but in Russ's eyes it looked to be one of the best. There was a pleasing cohesive-ness to her design, each detail, angle, and curve feeling as if it was an inevitable choice that was meant to be. It was satisfying. It was right. It was probably more innovative than the city would go for, but genius shone through her design.
Emma met his eyes across the crowd of people. He smiled and gave her thumbs-up, encouraging her to keep schmoozing. She smiled back, her eyes sparkling, her cheeks flushed.
She was beautiful, full of confidence and joy, at long last stepping into the life she'd been seeking.
A stabbing sense of loss hit him, making him clench his jaw against the sudden, unexpected pain.
It was time to let her go.
Chapter Seventeen
Emma pulled off her high heels and tossed them onto the futon. 'I was brilliant!' She twirled in the middle of the apartment. 'Wasn't I? You can't deny it! Three business cards, I got! Lookee, three!' She stopped spinning and waved her three fingers at Russ. 'They all want to talk to me about a job!'
'You were amazing,' Russ said.
Emma heard something in his voice and a frown pulled between her brows. 'You okay?'
He sighed, and Emma felt a twinge of apprehension as he sat on the futon, moving her shoes to the floor and patting the space beside him in invitation. 'We need to talk.'
Emmas heart dropped into her stomach. They were not the words that anyone in a relationship wanted to hear. 'About what?' she asked, wary, not moving any closer to the futon, as if staying away from it could prevent him from saying what he was about to.
He patted the space next to him again. 'It's not bad. Come, sit down.'
After looking him over with a suspicious eye, Emma sat down gingerly on the edge of the futon. 'What is it?'
He took her hand between his own, and for a moment Emma's heart fluttered. Was he going to propose?
He sighed again, and rubbed the back of her hand. Emma's fluttering thoughts landed back on the ground. Proposals didn't start with heavy sighs.
She wrapped her fingers around his and squeezed. 'What is it, Russ?' she asked more softly.
'Emma, these past weeks have been some of the most surprising and memorable of my life. They've been an utter delight, and I don't just mean the sexual aspect.'
'But?' she filled in.
'But your life is moving on now. You're soon going to have the job you've been seeking for so long, and when that time comes, I think you should focus on it entirely. I think we'll need to end our arrangement.'
A dark coldness spread in her chest. She'd thought the same thing, but hearing it from his own lips made it real, and that reality hurt.
'You said that you didn't have anything bad to say,' she said. 'You lied.'
He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against him, leaning back until they were snuggled together on the futon. His hand stroked her back. 'Oh, Emma. Change is never easy, nor in this case is it bad. You're achieving your dreams, you're stepping into the life you've planned for years. How can that be bad?'
She felt tears tighten her throat. It was on the tip of her tongue to say, 'Because I've fallen in love with you.' But if he felt as she did, then he would have to say the words first. 'Do you know, when I first blathered to you about thinking it would be great to be a man's mistress, I didn't really mean it. I didn't think it was something I would ever have the nerve to do.'
His hand on her back stopped its stroking. 'Then why did you agree?'
She laughed softly, the sound thick with unshed tears. 'Because I was horny and you're cute and I kind of liked you, even though I didn't think you were at all my type. I was shocked when you asked me, you know. I really hadn't figured you for that type of guy.'
A laugh rumbled in his chest, and he squeezed her. 'What a pair. It's a miracle this ever happened. That day that we agreed to this arrangement, I wasn't even asking you to be my mistress. I'd meant to ask you to be my cook. The conversation was almost over before I realized you'd misunderstood me.'
Emma pushed away from him so she could see his face. 'You're kidding.'
He shook his head.
Emma felt nothing but surprise, and then a trickle of embarrassment started, turning quickly to a flood of humiliation. She covered her face with her hands. 'Oh God! Oh God, oh God.' A thought struck her, and she dropped her hands, glaring at him. 'Why did you agree to it, once you figured out what I'd been thinking?'
'I didn't want to embarrass you. I was going to pretend I'd changed my mind and call it off.'
'But you didn't. Why not?'
'Because you'd already agreed, and I couldn't resist the temptation. I found you… intensely attractive, and I liked you, even while thinking you were completely not my type.'
'So when you asked for something big on Fridays to carry you through the weekend-'
'I meant a casserole.'
Emma slowly closed her eyes. She had sold herself to him for money, when that had never been his intention. And in so doing, she had sold away her chance to have a normal relationship with him.
She hadn't cared about that at the time. But now, looking into the future, she saw what a vast distance lay between where she was now and where she might have been if she hadn't jumped to conclusions, and if Russ had been clearer in his word choice. He might have seen her as a potential partner for life, if she hadn't insisted he see her as paid sexual entertainment.
'Emma?'
She opened her eyes and tried to smile. 'I want to be mad at you, but I know I have myself to blame.'
'I shouldn't have told you.'
She shook her head. 'It's a lesson I won't forget.'
'Emma, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone through with it. I never would have, if I'd suspected you would feel this way! But you seemed so eager.'
Emma looked down at her hands. She
