day. As we walked shakily and in great thirst down to Oakland, where I had to start work at one o'clock, I asked a few innocent questions about the sister whose bed I'd slept in the night before, and he recounted the above story, albeit differently. Arthur later embellished it for me. Since Anna had recovered her sight completely after emergency surgery, Cleveland could now concentrate on the small details of being a lonely fifteen-year-old, and he made it, by dint of his genius for telling a story, a very funny story, and I laughed despite the pain in my head.
That night I took Phlox to dinner at the Elbow Room, but my stomach still felt frail and I ate only spinach leaves while I watched her put away a bowl of chowder, a heap of tortellini, and a pretty little dish of ice cream.
'We'll only be gone a few days,' I said. 'Absence makes the heart grow fronds, as my father says.'
'But why can't I come?' said Phlox. 'It's because Arthur hates me. Right?'
'No, it's because I hate you.' This did not go over well. 'Come on, Phlox, no one hates you.'
'Do you love me?'
'Like the big time,' I said. 'Look, it's just me and Cleveland and Arthur. Crude jokes, poker games, sports talk, boozy sentimentality-you know, boys' stuff.'
She frowned. I knew I was being too flip, but I felt lousy, and more than that, I think, I wanted to get away from her; to pause for a moment. I'd heard, somewhere in the past couple of days, the stealthy entrance of creepiness into my unsecured summer, a faint creaking of the woodwork, and I felt as though I ought to lie very still, not draw a breath, and listen for the something that might be there, for the next telltale footfall.
11. Searchlights and Giant Women
Next morning before sunrise, I sat in the backseat of the old Arning Barracuda, wiping flakes of doughnut glaze from my lips and struggling to appreciate the negligible effects of a single cup of coffee. Cleveland and Arthur sang along with an old John and Yoko cassette and pointed out the windmill-shaped restaurants, the car dealerships surmounted by giant plaster statues of bears and fat men, the gunshops and gospel billboards, that were the beloved landmarks on the way to Fredonia. I sang 'Hail, Freedonia,' from the Marx Brothers movie. I hadn't driven a long distance since coming, with all my belongings, from Washington to Pittsburgh to start school four years before, and had forgotten how much I enjoyed lying across the backseat of a car with my hair hanging out one window and my feet out the other, watching the phone poles pass, listening to music, the engine, the wind passing over the car.
After we'd been twice through the Lennon and I'd slept, apparently, through Cleveland's other cassette, there were only the sounds of the Barracuda and of Patsy Cline on the radio, coming in faintly from somewhere, and it was eight o'clock in the morning, and I watched happily the backs of my friends' heads. We pulled into a Stop amp; Shop for more coffee, and then I felt like talking; I asked how long, exactly, had they been friends?
'Nine years. We met in our first year at Central Catholic,' said Cleveland. 'We found ourselves what you might call together apart.'
'He means that everyone else hated us,' said Arthur.
'Speak for yourself,' said Cleveland. 'I simply noticed that we weren't like any of the other boys in that excellent school.'
'Central always looks to me like Santa's Castle,' I said.
'We weren't like any of the other elves,' said Arthur.
'Arthur, here, already had, I believe, some vague notion of the perverse and sinful sexual longings that would shortly make him as un-Catholic as one might conceivably be-'
'And Cleveland was already drinking a six-pack of beer a day, and smoking cigarettes and marijuana. And reading every book on the
'Yeah. Say, isn't it too early for this discussion? Couldn't we save it for such time as I am drunk enough to ignore it and fall asleep mid-reply? That reminds me,' he said, and without slowing he swerved the car off the small state highway and we stopped in the deserted parking lot of a grocery store, where Cleveland got out and went around to the trunk.
'What's in the trunk?' I asked Arthur, who yawned, stretched, and turned to face me, looking pink and unshaven.
'Oblivion,' he said. 'Oblivion is in the trunk.'
Cleveland climbed back in with a six-pack from the cooler, and by the time we reached the house on the lake, he was well into his second green aluminum fist of Rolling Rock, and though his driving hadn't really fallen apart yet, I was glad we weren't going any farther. The road grew narrow and crooked, the trees grew denser, and to our left I began to make out, through rare gaps in the pine and sycamore, strips of silver lake, and the striped awnings of distant houses; soon we came to a gravel drive, to a cluster of rusted mailboxes like a row of tumbledown tenements, their red metal flags hoisted and falling at all angles. As we pulled, gravel popping, into the driveway, Cleveland stopped the car, threw it into park, and got out.
'I'm going to walk, ' he said. He slammed the door and set off, carrying a can of beer. Arthur and I sat a moment, watching him shamble toward the empty house, something determined yet wary in his tread. The engine began laboriously to idle. Three or four minutes passed. Arthur put his feet up on the dashboard.
'Well?' I said.
'He always does this,' said Arthur. 'He'll be back.'
'You mean we just sit here and wait?'
'Can you drive?'
'Can't you?' I scrambled over the seatback and settled in behind the steering wheel, which was warm in just two places, as though from the heat of Cleveland 's hands. 'You really are a relic,' I said.
'There have always been people willing to do my driving for me,' he said, shrugging, as I put the car in gear. 'People like you.'
Although Cleveland had said that his father visited it every other weekend, the summer house looked long abandoned. It was white wood, trimmed in blue, with a veranda that ran all the way around and a white rowboat rotting on its wild front lawn; this lawn, weedy and filled with gnats, began at the edge of the lakefront beach, surrounded the house, and then ended abruptly in a sagging, vine-covered slat fence at the treeline, as though it could barely withstand the encroachments of the forest around it-indeed, here and there amid the weeds, packs of saplings and even young trees were closing in. One of the front steps had come unnailed, the paint peeled from the white columns of the veranda, the bench of a broken porch glider dangled by a single chain under the wide front window, and standing on the threshold, I felt keenly aware of all the vacations that had been passed here over the last half century, all the ghostly cries of 'A hummingbird!' 'A meteor!' all the bitter sighs and campfires of a dozen vanished families.
When I came into the dark, cedar-smelling house, Cleveland was standing in the living room with his back to me, looking at a photograph framed over the fireplace. I came up behind him and looked. It was a picture of himself at the age of fifteen or sixteen, an angelic smirk on his face, eyes bright, hair long and of a lighter color; already he held a can of Rolling Rock in one hand, a cigarette in the other, but there was something different in this characteristic pose, something enthusiastic, gloating; and the smirk was that of a novice who had only just learned the Secret and couldn't quite believe that it was so simple. In the picture he looked handsome and nearly famous, and looking at him now, big and scarred and immobile, I saw, for the first time, what Arthur and Jane must have seen when they looked at Cleveland: diminution in growth, loss through increase, a star that has passed from yellow to red. Perhaps I read too much into this photograph, but Cleveland 's reaction to it soon confirmed my own feeling. I couldn't help but say, 'Gee, Cleveland, you look really terrific in this photo.'
'Yes,' he said. 'I was happy.'
'Was it summertime?'
'Uh huh. Here at the lake.'
'Doesn't summertime always make you feel kind of the way you look in this picture, though?'
'Sure,' he said, but I could tell he said it only to humor me, and his tone more honestly said: Not anymore;
