Priced to Move

Boooring. “That’s okay. I don’t have a burning desire to know about golf.”

“Too bad.”

No way. “You asked me to tell you, and I’m going to tell you. Rubies are corundum, the red variety. All the other colors of corundum are known as sapphire—”

“Are you kidding me? First the goofy garnets, then the dirty diamonds, and now you’re telling me that rubies equal sapphires? Are you sure you know what you’re talking about?” I clench my jaw. At the rate I’m going, my dentist is going to retire to his own private South Pacific island off my cracked teeth. “Yes, I’m sure I know what I’m talking about. I have a BS in geology, and a certificate from the Gemological Institute of America that tells all who care to know that I’m a master gemologist.”

“You’re pretty proud of your pedigree.”

“Aren’t you?”

He shrugs. “I have a BS in meteorology, and I played football for the Buckeyes.”

“For the who?”

He gapes. “You don’t know who the Buckeyes are?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I knew.”

“Ohio State has one of the best records in college football history.”

That’s his pedigree? Football?

Okey-dokey. “I . . . see.” Better get back to business. “Anyway, I do know gemstones. And rubies and sapphires, both, are corundum, the second-hardest natural mineral known to science. The hardness of corundum comes in part from the strong and short oxygen-aluminum bonds. These bonds pull the oxygen and aluminum atoms close, and that makes the crystal not only hard but also very dense, even though it’s a mineral made up of two relatively light elements—”

I quit. He’s asleep. So much for wanting to know about rubies.

When the flight attendant comes around with earphones for the movie, I figure I might as well watch whatever they’re offering. Hopefully it won’t be football. Or golf.

Score! It’s a romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon. I can use a good laugh.

But it seems all the upheaval of the last month and a half has really done me in, and I doze off soon after the movie starts . . .

“Now children,” Max says, “in my right hand is a football, and in my left a golf club. They’re both for jocks, but the football’s for the sweatier ones.”

“Mr. Magnificent?” a little girl with red hair asks. “Are you one of the sweatier ones?”

Max blinks. “Well, I’m one of the stronger ones.”

Her hand shoots up again. “And do you hit the football with the golf club?”

“You mean, you can’t tell that football and golf are two different sports?”

She shrugs. “I like rocks. . . .”

Something explodes in my ears. “Aaack!”

“Are you okay?” Max asks.

“Rocks are fine . . . er . . . I mean, I’m fine. It’s the movie. Something happened, and it was loud.”

“I’m surprised anything startled you awake. You were out, and you sleep like . . . well, like a rock.”

“Takes one to know one. You were out pretty hard too. Did you watch the movie after you woke up?”

“No. I’d missed too much of it, and I brought reading material.”

I glance at the book in his hands—Jewelry & Gems: The Buying Guide. “No way! You’re reading Antoinette Matlins? The world’s leading gem author?”

“I figured I’d better learn something about the stuff we’re selling. And you’re right. Rubies do equal red sapphires equal rubies.”

“Has anyone ever told you you have a weird way of saying things?”

“And this is coming from you?”

“Are you implying that I talk strange?” I woke up for this? “I’m tired. See you in Bangkok.”

But no matter how hard I try, I can’t doze off. My eyes want to open and watch Max the Magnificent read what’s known as the “Unofficial Bible” for diamonds, pearls, colored gemstones, gold, and jewelry.

Who’d a thunk the jock would care?

Bangkok is hot. Literally.

Since we’re in the capital of Thailand only long enough to change flights, I take the chance to head outside while we wait for our flight to be called to board. But the closer I get to the doors, the less I want to go out into that sauna.

I’m a little disappointed. After all, when am I going to get another chance to see Bangkok?