Chicago

nothing worse than a wrecked home.”

That night she didn’t go to bed. She tossed and turned on the sofa until she came to when she heard Danana performing ablution for the morning prayer. She recalled what had happened and reflected on it: her father and mother were the ones who loved her most in this world and yet they were both strongly against the idea of divorce. Could she be mistaken? Could she be rushing to conclusions and ruining her home, something she would possibly regret when it was too late? She recalled the word divorce, and for the first time it sounded strange to her and frightening. For the first time divorce seemed to be something mysterious and tragic, like death or suicide. Images of divorced women she had crossed paths with came rushing to her mind. A divorced woman was one who had failed to keep her husband, who was suffering loss and distress, who was a burden on her family and friends, who was chased by all kinds of men because, not being a virgin, she had nothing to lose. She was a woman whom people pitied and accused in many unstated ways. She did not want that image for herself and she had to respect the advice of her parents because they had more experience than she and because they wanted nothing for her except happiness and a good life. Besides, she had never married before and had no experience with men (except light, casual attraction to some college classmates that never went beyond lengthy telephone conversations). What did she know? Couldn’t it be that most women suffered like her and just stuck it out to keep the family together? Didn’t her mother say explicitly: “This intimate relationship we women consider just a matter of duty, and after having children we might forget it completely”? Couldn’t it be that her mother, like her, had suffered in bed and yet was able to love her father and have children with him and go on living with him for many years? Wouldn’t it be better for her to reconsider her relationship with Danana?

True he was greedy, a miser, and only cared about himself, but didn’t he also have some good qualities? Was all he did just evil? To be fair, she had to admit that he was pious, had a sense of humor, and often, during those rare moments of peace and contentment, made her laugh with his sarcastic similes and comments. Her husband had his good and bad points like everyone else in the world and she had to remember the good as she did the bad. Marwa spent the night thinking, and in the morning she got up, took a bath, performed her ablutions and her prayers, and when she looked at her face in the mirror, she felt she had changed, that her features were showing signs of determination. She felt she was beginning a new, different Chapter in her life. She heard her husband’s footsteps and deliberately stood close by and said with a smile, “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Danana replied in a lukewarm tone of voice, realizing that his wife had rejoined the fold. He decided to take his time before taking her back, in order to teach her a lesson so she wouldn’t deviate again. She went on in an apologetic, placating tone, “Would you like me to fix you breakfast?”

“I’ll eat at school.”

“I’ll make you some eggs with basterma, quick.”

“Thanks.”

Danana played hard to get for a whole day, and then he showed signs of relenting after delivering a short speech. “Your father called me yesterday. Thank God he is a good and pious man, and I am saying that just for the sake of the truth. I told him what you have done and I said that I used my shari‘a-sanctioned right to discipline you within the minimum boundaries. Anyway, Marwa, for the sake of Hagg Nofal, I have forgiven you this time, but I am warning you, good woman, not to listen to Satan’s evil temptations. Take refuge in God away from Satan, who deserves to be stoned, perform your prayers regularly and fear God as you tend your husband and your home.”

Life between the two of them went back to what it used to be. In fact, it was much better. Marwa started to show interest in her husband and was sweet to him. She cooked his favorite dishes and waited to eat with him and had long conversations with him. The change in her was so great it astonished Danana himself and confirmed his idea that women were mysterious beings full of contradictions and that it was impossible to fathom their reactions or deep desires. Marwa did all she could to get along with her husband and seemed to be playing the role of the contented wife quite well. Even their encounters in bed, which had often tormented her, she was able to cope with in a creative way. As soon as Danana fell upon her with his erection, the moment she felt his feverish panting on her face as he tried to kiss her and as his saliva mixed with the bitter taste of tobacco reached her mouth, and as she felt his heavy paunch pressed against her belly causing her to feel almost nauseated — at that moment that had often tormented her, Marwa learned to close her eyes and forget Danana. She would concentrate first on banishing his picture from her mind, then she imagined that she was embracing another man: handsome, attractive, and exciting.

In time, Marwa was able to assemble a group of secret lovers, all of whom she slept with in her imagination: Rushdi Abaza, Kadhim al-Sahir, and Mahmud Abd al-Aziz. Even Dr. Said al-Daqqaq, professor of general finance at Cairo University Business School, who was universally admired by all the female students; Marwa had him in bed more than once. Thus imagination provided her with a novel and effective way of overcoming her physical problem. The whole thing even turned into a delightful secret game. As soon as she sensed Danana’s impending attack, she would wonder: with whom am I going to sleep tonight? Rushdi Abaza already had his turn, twice. That’s enough for him. Oh, how I miss Kadhim! As she kept doing that she got so thoroughly caught up in the act that she feared her tongue might let slip the name of her imagined lover in front of her husband, resulting in a major scandal. As soon as she felt Danana letting go of his disgusting warm pleasure inside her she would run to the bathroom, her eyes almost closed so that she wouldn’t lose the fantasy, and then continue to arouse herself to orgasm. Those were Marwa’s attempts to adapt, endure, and live. She began to accept life with Danana as it was and not as she wished it to be. And here a question might arise: Wasn’t it strange that Marwa should go from one extreme to the other so quickly? Was the advice of her parents enough to push her to the bosom of Danana, whom, only a few days earlier, she couldn’t stand to see? To answer yes would not be a complete answer. There was a deep, hidden feeling that impelled her to win Danana over with all her might: not out of love, of course, nor out of fear of the fate of divorced women, but because her parents’ warning had caused her great confusion. So she wanted to give her marriage the best possible chance. If she succeeded she would be happy, but if she failed she would not blame herself and her parents would not be able to blame her. Hence her attempts to win her husband over, despite their strong persistence, had a phony celebratory aspect to them, like two lawyers on opposite sides, or two tennis players who had just finished a very close match, shaking hands. Marwa treated her husband in an excessively nice way as if making her parents her witnesses so that in the future they wouldn’t rush to judgment and accuse her of wrecking her home. Her new behavior, despite its affectionate tenderness, also had the smoothness of a trap. Danana felt that instinctively and realized that the battle between them was still raging, even if it had taken another form. So he was reserved in what he said to her or did with her.

Danana, however, did not have any surplus energy because the final warning that Dr. Dennis Baker had given him had caused great turmoil in his life. The old man did not leave him any choice: he had to submit the results of his research within a few days, otherwise he would ask to be relieved of supervising him. Were that catastrophe to happen, it would put an end to both his academic and political future. He had to act fast or else everything would be lost. How his enemies would gloat if his research were terminated! Those who hated him would rejoice at the news: Did you hear? They took away Ahmad Danana’s scholarship because he didn’t finish his research on time. Haven’t I told you? He’s always been a loser!

Danana spent several days in his office at school. He locked himself in from the morning until the evening. He didn’t open his door to anybody and didn’t attend lectures or classes of any kind. Three days passed that way until last Wednesday when a unique incident in the history of the department of histology occurred, which people recounted in different ways, some of which were exaggerated. What was certain was that at about one o’clock, after lunch break, Dr. Baker was busy conducting some experiments while humming softly on account of the small bottle of white wine that he had had with lunch. He was preoccupied, with the utmost concentration, with testing a new photograph of some nerve cells that he had taken with the electron microscope. He came to at a sudden knock on the door. In his hoarse voice, without raising his head, he said, “Come in.”

The door opened and Danana appeared, carefully carrying some papers. Baker looked at him and, remembering what had happened between them, frowned and said in a not-too-friendly tone, “How can I help you?”

Danana laughed, as if he had just heard a friend tell a joke, and said, “Dr. Baker, why are you treating me so harshly?”

“Tell me what you want. I don’t have time to waste with you.”

Danana sighed then moved two steps forward and extended his hand with the papers toward Baker, his face looking like someone about to give a surprise. “Please.”

“What’s this?”