Carol had finally come to terms with her new job and was at peace with herself. The first time she took off her clothes in front of Fernando, when she felt his cold hand touching her bare body as he prepared her for the shoot, she was crushed by humiliation; she felt dizzy, as if she were going to faint. With time, however, her aversion diminished and she began to get used to it. She said to herself: Fernando is gay; he is not aroused by a woman’s body; actually he might be disgusted by it. Why do I feel awkward when I bare myself before him? Isn’t this my job and his job? Would I have felt ashamed if he were shooting my hands or feet? Isn’t this a paradox? Aren’t my breasts part of my body, like other parts? My feeling of shame is a result of remnants of ancient, inherited ideas that consider a woman’s body private property that can only be used after permission is granted by her father or her husband. These are just cock-and-bull stories. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I am an actress, using my body to express myself before the camera, no more and no less. What’s so shameful about that? Besides, did I have any other choice? I couldn’t have turned down this job. I couldn’t stand causing more troubles for Graham, who loves me and loves my son and has endured endless hardship for us, and in return, I gave him nothing but misery. A person might endure poverty when young, but to have to bear it after sixty is really a tragedy. Moreover, what has little Mark done? His father refuses to support him.
Thus she convinced herself and calmed her doubts. She hid the truth from Graham. She told him that she’d found a job in radio commercials, that they liked her voice and the way she delivered, so they gave her a high salary. When Graham asked her when the commercials were broadcast, she had prepared the answer. She sighed and said, “The commercials I record are bought by a small station in Boston that you can’t get in Chicago.” Then she feigned a smile and whispered in a dreamy tone, “If I am successful, maybe I’ll sign a contract with a major station in Chicago.”
Graham planted a quick kiss on her lips and said, “Well, we have to protect your larynx, since it is our national treasure.”
Amazingly she actually did become successful. Executives at Double X liked her and asked Fernando to shoot another commercial in which she did even better because she had gained experience expressing herself with her body before the camera. Two weeks later, Fernando called her and asked to meet. He welcomed her warmly and said as he lit a joint as usual, “Carol dear, we are going from success to success. They called me this morning and said they wanted you for a third commercial.”
“Great.”
“This time we will shoot your legs as you put on lingerie made by the company.”
“I am not going to bare myself completely before the camera, even if they paid a million dollars.”
Fernando laughed loudly and said mockingly, “If they offered you a million dollars you’d do anything.”
She looked at him in silence, feeling insulted. It seemed he realized it, so he bowed his head, placed it between his hands, and murmured in a tired voice, “What did I just say? It seems I’ve smoked too much pot. Sorry, Carol.” She nodded and affected a smile as he went on in a matter-of-fact voice: “In any case no one will ask you to bare yourself completely.”
They had several rehearsals until she understood her role and did it well. He would shoot the lower part of her body as she put on the Double X lingerie and, over the following thirty seconds, she had to relax totally before the camera, feel her underwear with her hands, extend her legs, wrapping one on top of the other slowly to give the impression of total comfort, then the caption “Double X underwear. for your comfort” would be superimposed.
The commercial was a great success and her fee was raised to $1,200 per hour of shooting. Soon afterward, Fernando offered her another commercial. “This time we will work on a more modest part of your body: your feet. The next commercial is about Double X socks.”
For a whole week Carol gave herself over to a pedicurist, who worked diligently for two hours every morning on her toenails and heels, and on scrubbing and softening her feet to make them look delicate and smooth. The result was so dazzling that Fernando shouted as he was doing the camera test, “What splendid feet worthy of a Roman emperor’s concubine!”
This time she had to raise her leg gracefully in front of the camera, point her toes like a ballet dancer, then coquettishly pause for a moment and put the socks on in a suggestive manner. After the commercial was broadcast, Fernando said to her, his face beaming with happiness, “Our success has become legendary! You’re quite an inspiration, Carol. You bring out the best in me.”
As usual he offered her something new. “The new commercial is different from all the previous ones.”
“What’s its idea?”
“Your fee will be raised to fifteen hundred dollars an hour.”
“Thanks. The idea?”
“It’s not conventional, but I won’t give it up. If you refuse to do it, I’ll have another model do it.”
“Talk, Fernando.”
“Okay. Double X has produced a brand-new bra model that’s totally see-through.”
He paused for a moment then continued gruffly, to hide his embarrassment, “The idea of the commercial is as follows: I will shoot your bare breasts, and you will be sexually aroused so I can shoot your nipples erect.”
“You’re such a bastard!” she shouted and got up angrily. She picked up her purse from the chair and hurried to the door. Fernando hurried after her and grabbed her by the arm, trying to calm her down.
“Carol, it’s much simpler than you imagine. Think about it for a bit. We’ve shot your bare breasts dozens of times. How would it hurt to shoot them erect?”
“I’ll never do that.”
He looked at her in vexation and said, “Listen, this is my last offer. I’ll pay you a special fee, two thousand dollars per hour. You’ll get this fee only for the commercials involving sexual arousal. In ordinary commercials, your fee will remain as it was.”
Carol looked at him in silence. It seemed that events were moving too fast for her to absorb. Fernando, sounding as if he wanted to end the meeting, said, “You have until the morning to think about it. The company is in a hurry to get the commercial and you have to give me a chance to get somebody else if you refuse.”
The following day Carol came, stood before him, and before he asked her, she mumbled without looking at his face, “Okay. When do we begin?”
Fernando laughed loudly and hugged her tightly, lifting her off the floor. “What a magnificent woman. If I were interested in women, I’d have done my best to seduce you. Come on, let’s get to work.”
She went with him to the studio and took off her clothes as usual. He spent a long time adjusting the lights and cameras. After several attempts he shot the part where she appeared bare chested. The harder part remained. He asked her to put on the bra, and he himself snapped it closed at the back, and then he stood her in the middle of the frame that he had prepared and said, “Carol, I’m going to help you get aroused. Don’t be embarrassed; I’ll touch you in a perfectly professional manner.”
He got close to her, put his hands through the bra, cupped her breasts with his hands, and began to knead them slowly. Then he took the nipples between his fingers and began to rub them gently. A whole minute passed without any response. He said, “It seems I’m not arousing you sufficiently. Should I go on?”
She didn’t answer. She stood where she was, looking at his hands stuck between the bra and her chest. He took out his hands and jumped behind the camera to make sure it was adjusted, and then went back and whispered to her, “I’ve prepared something to help you. Look at the screen.”
She noticed for the first time that he had placed a laptop on a nearby table. He pushed a button and she could see scenes from a pornographic movie: a white woman was sleeping with a black man and screaming with pleasure. Carol shouted, “Please turn it off.”
“What?”
“I can’t stand those movies.”
“Why?”
“Because they are phony and naive.”
“Do you have a problem with this?”
“I’m perfectly normal.”
He looked at her almost angrily and said, “Listen, I’ve got to do one or two shoots today. Don’t ruin my work.”
