Grey

yellow icing like a birthday cake. The word unhappy was written across her chest with blue.

“There’s our cunt Romeo!” said Father. As he stood and started around the table, he pointed left to right. “These are my girls: Conni, Penni, Hunni, and Benni.” He stopped, pretended to suck a thumb, and spoke like a lisping baby, “All the wittle spaceships of cunt!” He guffawed so hard I feared he might cough up his spleen.

As he finished coming around, I noticed that whatever his jacket touched got smeared with green paint. “Close-up!” he said to his film crew, then proceeded to throw his arms around me.

“Get off!” I said, pushing him away. His jacket left stains on my hands, but not on my suit.

“The stock is up!” he said, pumping his fist. “You were still dull, but she was great, right girls?” The women rang in with approvals.

“If you don’t mind,” said Joelene, “we would like to retire. We’re both very—”

“What’s the matter?” interrupted Father. “You just got here! Come on! Have a drink! We’ve got some very lard car-rot juice.” He then put his face before mine and breathily sang, “Welcome to my fermented intestinal garden!”

His breath was like compost. “You smell!” I said, leaning back.

Father thought that hilarious. Whipping around he said, “Ken-baby! O keeper of digits… what were the magical and astounding ratings?”

Ken, who sat beside the birthday cake girl, glanced at a small glowing screen and answered, “The magical and astounding ratings were twenty-one point seven, sir!”

“Twenty-fucking-one-point-fucking-seven!” howled Father. “Is that a

number!

”

“That’s a number!” said Ken.

“It’s exceptional,” said Xavid, who I hadn’t noticed before. He was dressed in his usual black seal pelts, his huge, amber glasses, and a peak of white hair on top of his head.

“Five times higher than any of your dates with Nora,” added Ken.

“There are mitigating factors,” said Joelene. “The shooting caused a spike in—”

“And look here,” continued Father, ignoring her. He pointed to a man who sat on the near side of the table between a woman with some sort of chrome medical-looking device that held her mouth open to expose her teeth and gums, and a nude man covered head to foot with what looked like olive oil and broken insect legs. “Let me introduce a real glazed ham: President, CEO, and Chief of Long Dickness at the distinguished company of Ribo-Kool, Chesterfield Kez.” Father laughed and shook his shoulders like he was doing an odd, little dance. “He’s Elle’s uncle. Chester, this is my super famous son, Michael… in person and completely alive!”

Chesterfield had a hard, bony face that looked like little more than a skin-covered skull. His nostrils large, his lips, blue. Over his bright beetle-green suit, he wore a pile of carved wooden necklaces just like the devoted businessman’s LardLik reader he obviously was. He stood, extended a hand, and said, “Very large pleasure, indeed.”

Without shaking his hand, I said to Father, “I refuse to see Elle again.”

“Hold on!” bellowed Father, with a laugh.

“Family meeting.

Be right back!” Grabbing my arm, he dragged me across the aisle in front of a row of flashing and whirring gambling and sex machines. “Shut your hole!” he snarled. “We’re cooking with lard. Chesterfield likes the numbers so much we’re going ahead full force. We’re going to marry you two at the product show. That’ll blow those MKG semen suckers away!”

It was a joke. It was insane. “No,” I said, “I can’t! I won’t!”

“You’re going to!” he said, stretching the “o” in to and covering my face with his vile breath. “You’re marrying the spank skank and that’s it!”

I wanted to smash his face. “You had me shot!” I fired back.

“Did not!” said Father, sounding exactly like a five-year-old.

“I know for sure.”

“You do not!” He laughed. “That would be massive stupid—even for me!”

“You had

the freeboot

shoot me because you hate me. It was someone close.”

Father glared at me as though I were crazy. When Joelene came to my side, he asked her, “What lies are you telling him?”

“I have not told him any lies, sir.” She tried to smile, but I could see she was annoyed at me. “Understandably, given your histories, he assumes that you were somehow behind his misfortune.”

“I would never do that. It doesn’t make any business sense!”

“Sir,” continued Joelene, “I’ll take Michael home now. He needs rest. We’re very excited about the ratings, but we—”

“Ass missile!” he growled at her. “We have to keep moving!” Lowering his voice he said, “They’re all against us! MKG is trying to take us down. Now, this date saved our holes tonight, but we’ve got to use this momentum for the product show.” He

kept having

to unstick the armpits of his paint-covered jacket as he moved and gestured. “You know what we heard just ten minutes ago? MKG is planning to announce their new product the same time as our product show!” He jabbed a finger in my chest. “Don’t accuse me or RiverGroup. It was them!

That grey-sucking Nora and her shit-faced dad.

They shot you! That makes sense.”

“There’s no evidence of that, sir,” said Joelene.

“I’d find evidence if I had time to look for it. That whole thing is a joke. How did that fucking

freeboot

get out of there? And how did he shoot Michael in the hands and feet from where he was supposed to be? Answer me that?”

“Again,” said my advisor, obviously keeping her exasperation in check, “I’m not saying that I have all the answers, but the family commission has stated that a single freeboot did the shooting. And no evidence was found that MKG was involved.”

“Commission com-fiction!” he spat at her. “MKG is on the commission! Besides, all the families hate us because we have them by the balls. They’ve been waiting to fuck with us for years.”

“That’s all conjecture,” said Joelene.

“No, it’s butt-tastic truth!” he declared. “MKG planned it, did it, and now they think they’re going to be number one!”

“That’s not true,” I said.

“It was them!” screamed Father. “They’re a thick layer of butt snot on toast!” He shook his head solemnly. “They think they’re going to win, but they’re not! We’re gonna screw them right back.” He threw his arms out. “We’re gonna have our big merger news, and an even bigger merger wedding.”

“I’m not marrying her!” I said. “I will only marry Nora.”

“Did I ask you a question?” he snarled. “No! So don’t fucking talk. And besides, I banned her name. So don’t even think it!”

“Nora!” I said into his face.

The tendons in his neck tightened. He stepped an inch before me. “Dare you to repeat it.”

Into the rancid fog of his breath, I said, “Nora.” I stood my ground even as my eyes began to water from both the rotten carrot stink and my own fear.

Red blotches appeared across his face and neck. His right shoulder rose and I was sure he was about to backhand me. At the last moment, though, he turned to his film crew and screamed.

“Stop!

I can’t have my boy talking back like this! Turn it off, and get outta my face!” As the two men backed away, Father stepped before Joelene. “Doesn’t he understand his duty to RiverGroup?” Before she answered, he asked me, “Why do you think I worked so hard to have a son?”

I said, “I wish you hadn’t.”

“Well, I did!” he scoffed. “And believe me, I’m real sorry now.” He paused, and then his lower lip began to vibrate. Jamming his fist onto his lips he tried to control himself, but he was crying. “Fucker pies!” he said, his voice shaky.

While the threat of violence before had been scary, this really frightened me. I hated his screaming and