“Do you like Irving Berlin?”
“Sure, who doesn’t?” She put the needle down on the record. Hissing and scratching came out of the record player. This platter had been played a lot.
“Let’s dance. Then I’ll tell you everything, and you can decide if you want to stay.” She held her arms outstretched in front of her, a slight innocent smile on her face. One little dance, I thought, in pursuit of the truth. Can’t hurt.
“OK.” I got up and held her as the music started. She folded my hand holding hers into my chest and rested her cheek on my shoulder. We danced slowly. Her body felt warm, and I could feel her breasts press against me as she breathed. Her hips moved against mine. The words from “I’m Getting Tired So I Can Sleep” drifted out over us. I’m getting tired so I can sleep
I want to sleep so I can dream
I want to dream so I can be with you.
She sang the words in a sad, quiet, high voice. A wish to see her man again, even in a dream. She looked up into my eyes, her eyes only inches from my face. Her cheeks were wet with tears, but she wasn’t crying right now. I could feel the heat from her whole body rising up, or maybe it was the heat of the room. Or maybe it was me. My heart was pounding and I felt her chest rise and fall with each breath, a thin layer of sweat glistening against her white skin.
She canted her head and pushed her lips against mine, her mouth open and the dampness from her tears and sweat combining in an unholy alliance against the little willpower I had. My mind said no, my heart said no, but my body was saying, Go right ahead, boy, this dame’s delicious.
“Victoria, I can’t…”
“Call me Vicky,” she said in a small, breathless voice. She took my hand and pressed it against her breast. It was full and her nipple was at attention. So was I and it was getting really tough to stay in control. I want to dream…
I felt like she would break into a million pieces if I let go. If I didn’t, I’d break a promise I hadn’t even made yet. I had to buy some time, and I still had to get some answers. I tried to be a cop and think of her as just another civilian I needed something from.
“Vicky.”
“Oh yes, darling!” She smiled, her eyes still closed and her hips thrust against mine.
“Vicky, tell me about the morning you left Jens’s room.”
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
“I don’t either. But we have to. Who else did you see, on the way back to your room?”
“Another man.”
“Who, Vicky?”
“If I tell you, will you stop asking questions? So we can sleep?”
“Sure.”
“He was always very nice to me. Kind. He didn’t take advantage, like the others.”
“Who was he, Vicky?”
“Anders. Major Arnesen. I saw him on the main floor.”
“In the corridor near the map room?”
“Yes, I think so. We smiled at each other, but didn’t say anything. He must have a girlfriend. I’m glad.”
“Did you see anyone else?” The music ended and she stopped dancing. The needle made a quiet hissing sound as the record went round and round and we both stood there, frozen. Her dreamy smile faded into nothing as she came back from that place she had retreated to. Then awareness crept into her face. It was like someone waking up and remembering what they had gone to sleep to escape.
“That’s all you want, isn’t it?” There was a fury in her eyes that denied any lie I could tell. Her carefully constructed fantasy had just fallen apart. Without wanting to, I had just thoroughly humiliated her. There was only one answer I could give.
“Yes.”
I let go of her hand. I was smart enough to not say anything else. She walked over to the record player and raised the needle from the turn table.
“Get out.”
“Please, Mrs. Brey, just tell me if you saw anyone else. Lives may depend on it.”
“Lives? How dare you lecture me about lives! I’ve already given one life to this damned war! The people you’re talking about are still alive! They can walk in the sunshine, eat dinner, make love, hold hands… what do I care about them?”
Her face crumpled as she tried to hold back a torrent of tears. She raised her hand to her mouth as she made an anguished noise, tears running over her hand and onto the wooden floor, clean little splashes on a thin layer of dust. She fell to her knees and I thought she might actually be sick. I knelt down beside her and put my hand on her shoulder. She trembled as she covered her face with her hands.
“I’m not really a bad person,” she said between sobs. Her nose was running, too.
“Me either.”
“Don’t look at me, please. You must think I’m a hussy.”
“Mrs. Brey, you just want to be with your husband, that’s all.”
She nodded, but she wouldn’t look at me. We just sat there for a while. She shuddered a few times as the tears came and went. Finally she took a deep breath and rubbed the back of her hand across her nose.
“Anders was the only one I saw.”
“Thanks.”
“Is it important?”
“It might be. It just might be.” She still didn’t move and leaving my hand on her shoulder was beginning to feel awkward. I moved it and she clutched at it, as if she was afraid I’d get away. I tried to think of something to say.
“You shouldn’t blame Jens for the transfer, you know. I think he was trying to help.”
“Jens?” She sniffled. “What did he have to do with my transfer?”
“Huh? Didn’t he…”
“No. Anders issued the order. He said he needed me at the Norwegian Brigade base in Scotland. I was glad to go. I just wasn’t prepared to come back here, to all this.” She gestured at the room, the house, the memories, everything.
Anders. Anders had been up early in the morning and transferred the only person who had seen him far away from Beardsley Hall. Anders. That made me rethink things. He had been a distant third until now, but this put him tops in my hit parade. Leaving the key in his own room was a nice touch, I had to admit. I hoped Daphne had been able to get his orders to Norway cancelled. That made me think of getting back to the hall. I looked at my watch.
“Billy, please don’t go.”
“I have to.”
“I can’t stay here alone another night. I’m leaving for Scotland tomorrow; I don’t care about the rest of my leave.” She finally looked at me. There was nothing sexy or even pretty left in her face. There was anguish, and shame. Her hand trembled in mine. With the other she grasped the collar of her sundress and pulled it closed.
“OK.”
I couldn’t leave her alone. I had pushed her, used her, shamed her. I couldn’t turn around and leave her, like a piece of rubbish on the floor, now that I had what I wanted. We got up, stood there a second, brushing off our knees and smoothing clothes that weren’t all that wrinkled.
“Thank you,” she said, barely able to make eye contact. But she did. “Thank you.”
She went into the kitchen and started puttering around. I had to admire her for pulling herself together, and I was more than a little relieved that she’d managed to. I got my stuff from the BMW and brought it inside. We ended up cooking together, talking about Boston seafood and English dishes. She opened a bottle of wine and we ate at the kitchen table. We didn’t talk about Beardsley Hall or Richard. I told her all about Diana, except for the secret mission part, and she told me it sounded very romantic. It was nice. I slept on the couch. She took the record upstairs with her, and I fell asleep to the faint sound of “I want to dream so I can be with you,” glad that my
