pregnant-because I already am.”
His caresses froze. “What?”
“You were right before about me being involved with Dorian. Kiyo was a cover. He’s not worthy-he’s no one I’d want to father my child. Dorian and I have been lovers for a long time now in secret. We were afraid of what his enemies would do if they found out. I’ve been pregnant for…” What wouldn’t show? “…two months. It’s too late for you, Leith.”
He had gone perfectly still, save for his eyes, which were searching my face thoroughly. “I don’t believe you. You’re lying. Everyone knows how you bicker with the Oak King. You aren’t lovers.”
“We are. He’ll kill you when he finds out.”
Leith shook his head and slid his hand from my hip to my stomach. “There’s nothing here. Not yet.”
Panic flooded me, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. Every other time I’d come close to being raped flashed through my mind-and there had been far more of those times than I would have liked. And every time, I had escaped the situation. Yet that never made the next time any less terrifying. This was no exception.
“Leith, please don’t do this.”
His hand moved fumblingly to my breast, and then he pushed me back against the bed. “It’s okay,” he said, speaking as one would to a child. “It’ll be okay. You’ll like it. I promise.”
“Don’t do this!”
His mouth was on my neck, and lovesick boy or no, there was definitely a man’s sexual need there. I struggled against him, trying desperately to free myself, but I might as well have truly been a child. With that fucking drug in me, both my body and brain were a mess. My body had none of its ability to fight him or stop him from pushing up my skirt. My brain had no clever ways to talk him out of this. And as he took off his own clothes and laid his body on top of mine, pressing me down, I realized he needed no handcuffs to keep me subdued. The strength of his hands pinning my wrists was more than enough.
Chapter Twenty-Three
There is no real way to describe rape.
Sex with Kiyo or Dorian, the men I loved…well, I could have described that for hours in exquisite detail. I could have elaborated on the way they stroked my hair or the way their lips touched my skin. Even with Dean-my cheating bastard ex-sex had still had its share of affection and joy, back when things had been good between us.
There was none of that with Leith.
Well, not on my part, at least. And I think that’s what made it especially bad. For him, with his crazy infatuation, it really was an act of love. He visited me often over the next few days, and each time he took me against my will, he’d tell me he loved me and attempt some sort of gentleness and affection. The horrible part was, I couldn’t even resist that. It barely required any force on his part to make me submit. Honestly, I wished it had been violent. I wished he’d been cruel and brutal. I’d spent my life in fights, dealing with pain and blows. There would have been something comfortingly familiar about that, like it was just another battle for me. The twisted love he showed for me during each act of rape, however…well, that made it harder to bear.
In that time, I only saw Art once. Abigail checked on me a number of times, and I learned that it was she who mixed the nightshade, though Leith had taught her the recipe. Cariena was the one I saw the most. She seemed to have been installed as the live-in maid and occasional sex toy for visiting guys. When I arrived, there had been three other gentry girls, but Isanna-the one I’d heard mentioned that first day-left shortly. She was very pretty, and Abigail seemed particularly happy at the price she’d gotten for her.
The other two were stunning as well, and they seemed to glumly accept that their time would come. They faced it without much emotion or protest, like condemned criminals going to the gallows. Mostly, their faces were like pieces of a dream. I was kept so heavily drugged that my moments of clarity were few-though the drugs never made me forget what Leith did. None of the other girls had to be drugged; the iron was enough for them. Cariena told me, however, that when other women had required the nightshade, they hadn’t taken nearly as much as me. Art and Abigail were too afraid of me getting loose, so they gave it to me more frequently than usual.
“When will you know?” Leith demanded one day. He had just arrived and stood outside my room, arguing with Abigail. The door was ajar. “I thought you people had the ability to tell this kind of thing.”
“We can,” snapped Abigail. “But not this soon. You’ve probably got to wait at least two weeks. Besides, you don’t seem to mind passing the time that much.” The sneer in her voice came through loud and clear. I made a mental note to choke the life out of that bitch.
Leith, however, didn’t sound so happy. “Two weeks is a long time. I need to bring her back pregnant before anyone finds her! They’re looking for her. She has powerful allies. Her people are loyal, and both the Oak King and the Willow Queen have taken up the search.”
Dorian’s dedication didn’t surprise me, and knowing he was working to find me gave me the first hope I’d had in a while. But Maiwenn, too? Had that been Kiyo’s doing? Or truly her own kindness?
“I don’t care about your tree-based monarchs,” said Abigail impatiently. “Nobody would think to look for her here.”
“She suspected before. She told others. Someone could scry for her.”
“They won’t find her. Scrying won’t work. Not with the wards here. Now why don’t you stop whining and just get in there and do your business so this won’t be a problem. She’s almost due for her next dose.”
I decided wringing her neck wasn’t slow and painful enough. Yet, their words had given me a lot to think about. There was a search on, enough of one that Leith feared discovery. Her mentioning the wards had reminded me of when I’d sent Volusian here. Volusian…there was an option I hadn’t considered yet. I could summon Volusian to me and have him warn the others. The wards were a problem. He couldn’t break them on his own, but if I was calling him, the ties that bound us would be enough to pull him through. If I could muster the energy to do it. The iron and nightshade affected the gentry part of my magic. My shamanic powers, the ones I’d used for years, were tied into my strength and will-which I didn’t have a lot of lately.
That being said, I felt more coherent now than I had in a while-which was still pretty addled. Abigail had said it was almost time for my next dose. I had to imagine the further from the dose I got, the more its effects would dim. Cariena had said most people didn’t take as much, which probably meant the nightshade would still stay in my system awhile. But if I could reach a point when its effects were lessened…
My brainstorming was halted as Leith entered. Consternation from his argument with Abigail showed on his face, but it soon transformed to a smile when he saw me. “Eugenie…you look so pretty today.”
Yes, yes, I’d heard it all before. I was so beautiful, so amazing, a jewel among women that he loved so much. His words irritated me as much as insults would have. I’d been put in an ivory damask dress today, which gave me sickening bridal associations.
He looked me over, and his admiration again changed to a frown. I was lying on the bed, one hand cuffed to the headboard. “What’s this?” he asked. “Why did they do that?”
“I was a smartass to Abigail. This was her punishment.”
His face darkened further as he sat on the bed. “I don’t like that…don’t like her doing that. But, Eugenie, you have to admit you bring it on yourself….”
Oh, Leith. He was so lucky I could barely lift my free arm, or I would have punched that pretty face of his.
He peered at me intently. “You have to get pregnant soon.”
“It’s not something I can really control,” I said. Well, I could have controlled not getting pregnant if I was still on the pill. I hadn’t taken it in…how many days? Three? Four? I wasn’t sure how long I’d been here. I knew all the stats, though, about women who’d gotten pregnant from just missing one pill….
He sighed and began unlacing the bodice of my dress. “We’ll just have to keep trying then. If we just wait a little while afterward, I can do it twice today.”
Oh, how fucking lovely. I wanted to explain that it wouldn’t matter how many times he did it, not if I wasn’t ovulating. That kind of science was lost on him, I knew, alleged genius or no. As far as most gentry were concerned, sex equaled babies, end of story.
