that decision. Lots of questions. There`s something about your request—a deep
contradiction—that puzzles the hell out of me.»
«Undoubtedly, you want to know why I`m asking you for supervision after being
so dissatisfied with you as a therapist?»
«Precisely. In exceedingly clear language you claimed that our therapy was a
colossal failure, a waste of three years and a great deal of your money.»
«There`s no true contradiction,” Philip replied instantaneously. «One can be a
competent therapist and supervisor even though one fails with a particular patient.
Research shows that therapy, in any hands, is unsuccessful for about a third of patients.
Besides, there`s no doubt I played a significant role in the failure—my stubbornness, my
rigidity. Your only error was to choose the wrong type of therapy for me and then persist
in it far too long. However, I`m not incognizant of your effort, even your interest, in
helping me.»
«Sounds good, Philip. Sounds logical. But still, to ask for supervision from a
therapist who gave you nothing in therapy. Dammed if I`d do it—I`d find someone else. I
have a feeling that there`s something more, something you`re not saying.»
«Perhaps a modest retraction is in order. It is not entirely accurate to say I got
nothing from you. You did make two statements that stuck with me and may have played
some instrumental role in my recovery.»
For a moment Julius fumed about having to ask for details. Did Philip think he
wouldn`t be interested? Could he be that much of a space cadet? Finally, he gave in and
said, «And which two statements?»
«Well, the first statement doesn`t sound like much, but it had some power. I had
been telling you about one of my typical evenings—you know, picking up a woman
somewhere, taking her to dinner, the seduction scene in my bedroom with the same
routine and the same mood music. I remember asking your opinion of my evening and
whether you found it distasteful or immoral.»
«I don`t remember my answer.»
«You said you found it neither distasteful nor immoral, only boring. It jolted me to
think that I was living a boring, repetitious life.»
«Ah, interesting. So that was one statement. The other?»
«We were discussing tombstone epitaphs. I don`t remember why, but I believe you
had raised the question of what epitaph I might select for myself...”
«Very possible. I`ve used that question when I feel at an impasse and need some
shocking intervention. And...?»
«Well, you suggested that I might have my tombstone engraved with the phrase
«He liked to fuck.» And then you added that the phrase could be a good epitaph for my
dog too—that I could use the same stone for both me and the dog.»
«Pretty strong stuff. Was I really that harsh?»
«Whether it is harsh or not is irrelevant. What`s important is its effectiveness and
persistence. Much later, maybe ten years later, I made use of it.»
«Time–delayed interventions! I`ve always had a hunch they`re more important than
usually thought. Always meant to do a study of that. But for our purposes today tell me,
why were you reluctant at our last meeting to mention these, to acknowledge that I had in
some way, even some small way, been useful to you?»
«Julius, I`m not sure I see the relevance of this to the issue at hand—that is,
whether you are or are not willing to be my psychotherapy supervisor? And to permit me
in return to be your Schopenhauerian adviser?»
«The fact that you don`t see the relevance makes it all that more relevant. Philip,
I`m not going to attempt to be diplomatic. Here it is straight: I`m not certain you`re
basically equipped to be a therapist, and hence I have some doubts that supervision
makes sense.»
«You say, not вЂ?equipped`? Clarify please,” said Philip with no trace of discomfort.
«Well, let me put it this way. I`ve always regarded therapy more as a calling than a
profession, a way of life for people who care about others. I don`t see sufficient caring in
you. The good therapist wants to alleviate suffering, wants to help people grow. But I see
in you only disdain for others—look at the way you dismissed and insulted your students.
Therapists need to relate to their patients, whereas you care little about how others feel.
Take the two of us. You tell me that, on the basis of my phone call to you, you made the
assumption that I had a fatal illness. Yet never did you utter a word of consolation or
sympathy.»
«Would that have helped—mumbling some vacuous words of sympathy? I gave
you more, much more. I constructed and delivered an entire lecture for you.»
«I understand that now. But it was all so oblique, Philip. It made me feel like I was
being managed, not cared about. Better for me, much better, if you had been direct, if you
had sent some message from your heart to mine. Nothing monumental, maybe just some
simple inquiry into my situation or state of mind, or, Christ, you might have simply said,
вЂ?I`m sorry to hear you`re dying.` How hard would that have been?»
«If I were sick, that`s not what I`d want. I would have wanted the tools, the ideas,
the vision that Schopenhauer offered in the face of death—and that`s what I delivered to
you.»
«Even now, Philip, you still don`t bother to check your assumption that I have a
fatal illness.»
«Am I mistaken?»
«Come again, Philip. Say the words—it won`t hurt.»
«You said you had significant health problems. Can you tell me more?»
«Good start, Philip. An open–ended comment is by far the best choice.» Julius
paused to collect his thoughts and to consider how much to reveal to Philip. «Well, I`ve
very recently learned that I have a form of skin cancer called malignant melanoma which
poses a serious threat to my life, though my doctors assure me that for the next year I
should remain in good health.»
«I feel even more strongly,” Philip responded, «that the Schopenhaurian vision I
offered in my lecture would be of value to you. In our therapy I remember you once said
that life was a вЂ?temporary condition with a permanent solution`—that is pure
Schopenhauer.»
«Philip, that perspective was meant in jest.»
«Well we know, don`t we, what your own guru, Sigmund Freud, had to say about
jesting. My point still stands: Schopenhauer`s wisdom contains much that will serve you
well.»
«I`m not your supervisor, Philip, that`s still to be determined, but I`ll give you
psychotherapy lesson number one, gratis.It`s not ideas, nor vision, nor tools that truly
matter in therapy. If you debrief patients at the end of therapy about the process, what do
they remember?Never the ideas—it`salways the relationship. They rarely remember an
important insight their therapist offered but generally fondly recall their personal
relationship with the therapist. And I`m going to venture a guess that this is even true for
you. Why did you remember me so well and value what happened between us so much
that you now, after all these years, turn to me for supervision? It`s not because of those
two comments—however provocative they were—no, I believe it was because of some
bond you felt with me. I believe you might have some deep affection for me, and because
