«Precisely,” said Philip, «and the wise person will not spend his life or her life

pursuing popularity. It is a will–o`-the–wisp. Popularity does not define what is true or

what is good; quite the contrary, it`s a leveler, a dumbing down. Far better to search

within for one`s values and goals.»

«And how aboutyour goals and values?» asked Tony.

If Philip noted the surliness in Tony`s question, he gave no evidence of it and

replied ingenuously, «Like Schopenhauer, I want to will as little as possible and to know

as much as possible.»

Tony nodded, obviously baffled about how to respond.

Rebecca broke in: «Philip, what you or Schopenhauer was saying about friends

was right on the mark for me—the truth is that I`ve had few close girlfriends. But what

about two people with similar interests and abilities? Don`t you think that friendship is

possible in that case?»

Before Philip could answer, Julius enjoined, «Our time is growing very short

today. I want to check in about how you all are feeling about our last fifteen minutes.

How are we doing here?»

«We`re not on target. We`re missing,” said Gill. «Something oblique is going on.»

«I`mabsorbed,” said Rebecca.

«Nah, too much in our heads,” said Tony.

«I agree,” said Stuart.

«Well, I`m not in my head,” said Bonnie. «I`m close to bursting, or screaming,

or...” Bonnie suddenly rose, gathered up her purse and jacket, and charged out of the

room. A moment later Gill jumped up and ran out of the room to fetch her back. In

awkward silence the group sat listening to the retreating footsteps. Shortly Gill returned,

and as he sat he reported, «She`s okay, said she`s sorry but she just had to get out to

decompress. She`ll go into it next week.»

«Whatis going on?» said Rebecca, snapping open her purse to get sunglasses and

car keys. «Ihate it when she does that. That`s really pissy.»

«Any hunches about what`s going on?» asked Julius.

«PMT, I think,” said Rebecca.

Tony spotted Philip scrunching his face signifying confusion and jumped in.

«PMT—premenstrual tension.» When Philip nodded, Tony clenched his hands and poked

both thumbs upward, «Hey, hey, I taughtyou something,”

«We`ve gotta stop,” said Julius, «but I`ve got a guess about what`s going on with

Bonnie. Go back to Stuart`s summary. Remember how Bonnie started the meeting—

talking about the chubby little girl at school and her unpopularity and her inability to

compete with other girls, especially attractive ones? Well, I wonder if that wasn`t

recreated in the group today? She opened the meeting, and pretty quickly the group left

her for Rebecca. In other words, the very issue she wanted to talk about may have been

portrayed here in living color with all of us playing a part in the pageant.»

18

Pam in India

(2)

_________________________

Nothingcan alarm or move him

any more. All the thousand

threads of willing binding us

to the world and dragging us

(full of anxiety, craving,

anger, and fear) back and

forth in constant pain: all

these he has cut asunder. He

smiles and looks back calmly

on the phantasmagoria of this

world which now stands before

him as indifferently as chess–men at the end of a game.

_________________________

It was a few days later at 3A.M. Pam lay awake, peering into the darkness. Thanks to the

intervention of her graduate student, Marjorie, who had arranged VIP privileges, she had

a semiprivate room in a tiny alcove with a private toilet just off the women`s common

dormitory. However, the alcove provided no sound buffer, and Pam listened to the

breathing of 150 other Vipassana students. The whoosh of moving air transported her

back to her attic bedroom in her parents` Baltimore home when she lay awake listening to

the March wind rattling the window.

Pam could put up with any of the other ashram hardships—the 4A.M. wakeup time,

the frugal vegetarian one–meal–a–day diet, the endless hours of meditation, the silence,

the Spartan quarters—but the sleeplessness was wearing her down. The mechanism of

falling asleep completely eluded her. How did she used to do it? No, wrong question, she

told herself—a question that compounded the problem because falling asleep is one of

those things that cannot be willed; it must be done unintentionally. Suddenly, an old

memory of Freddie the pig floated into her mind. Freddie, a master detective in a series of

children`s books she hadn`t thought about in twenty–five years, was asked for help by a

centipede who could no longer walk because his hundred legs were out of sync.

Eventually, Freddie solved the problem by instructing the centipede to walk without

looking at his legs—or even thinking about them. The solution lay in turning off

awareness and permitting the body`s wisdom to take over. It was the same with sleeping.

Pam tried to sleep by applying the techniques she had been taught in the workshop

to clear her mind and allow all thoughts to drift away. Goenka, a chubby, bronze–skinned,

pedantic, exceedingly serious and exceedingly pompous guru, had begun by saying that

he would teach Vipassana but first he had to teach the student how to quiet his mind.

(Pam endured the exclusive use of the male pronoun; the waves of feminism had yet not

lapped upon the shores of India.)

For the first three days Goenka gave instruction in theanapana–sati —mindfulness

of breathing. And the days were long. Aside from a daily lecture and a brief question–and–answer period, the only activity from 4A.M. to 9:30P.M. was sitting meditation. To

achieve full mindfulness of breathing, Goenka exhorted students to study in–breaths and

out–breaths.

«Listen. Listen to the sound of your breaths,” he said. «Be conscious of their

duration and their temperature. Note the difference between the coolness of in–breaths

and the warmth of out–breaths. Become like a sentry watching the gate. Fix your attention

upon your nostrils, upon the precise anatomical spot where air enters and leaves.»

«Soon,” Goenka said, «the breath will grow finer and finer until it seems to vanish

entirely, but, as you focus ever more deeply, you will be able to discern its subtle and

delicate form. If you follow all my instructions faithfully,” he said, pointing to the

heavens, «if you are a dedicated student, the practice ofanapana–sati will quiet your

Вы читаете The Schopenhauer Cure
Добавить отзыв
ВСЕ ОТЗЫВЫ О КНИГЕ В ИЗБРАННОЕ

0

Вы можете отметить интересные вам фрагменты текста, которые будут доступны по уникальной ссылке в адресной строке браузера.

Отметить Добавить цитату