Rand drove back to his apartment without speaking, the white-knuckled grip of his hands on the wheel the chief evidence of the intensity of his thoughts, k made Kalinda even more nervous.
Perhaps… perhaps he would go back to the idea of continuing the affair. She could live without marriage, but she didn’t even want to consider living without him altogether. Rand had bound them together on too many levels, made her too much a part of him. She would never be free again.
Kalinda’s tension drove her to precipitate the confrontation. She must know what was happening. As soon as he opened the door of the apartment she stepped inside and turned proudly to face him.
„What is it, Rand? What’s wrong?“
He shut the door and leaned back against it, his hands on the knob as if he needed to brace himself. There was hard determination in every line of his body.
„Kalinda, I’ve done a lot of thinking since the night you agreed to marry me.“
„Have you?“ What could she say? How could she stop him?
„I had to finish what I started at Brady. I had to stop Hutton’s takeover…“
She waited, not understanding.
His mouth hardened. „I realize that in so doing, in showing you I could operate effectively in your world, I’ve complicated matters between us.“
„How?“ It was almost a plea.
„It’s obvious,“ he said grimly. „I’ve made you afraid of me.“
He stepped away from the door, lifting a hand to stop the impulsive denial which leaped to her lips. „No, it’s true. I wanted you to be proud of me, to admire me. And instead, I’ve given you every reason to fear me. That's why you tried to call off the affair, isn’t it? Why I had to trick and seduce you into agreeing to marry me. My brilliant plan has backfired.
I realized that after I left you the other night And I’ve seen the wariness in you for the past couple of days.“
„But, Rand…!“
He shook his head, walking restlessly to stare out the window. „I honestly don’t know how to reassure you, except with time. I thought about putting off the marriage, but I can’t bring myself to make the sacrifice. Selfish, I know, but ask anyone: Selfishness is one of my prime character traits.“
„Rand,“ Kalinda broke in a little breathlessly, hope and despair shredding her nerves. „What is it you think I’m afraid of?“
„That I’ll take Brady away from you. Use it as the foundation of a new conglomerate controlled by me. In short, that I’ll do to you what Hutton tried to do two years ago and again this week,“ he told her flatly, keeping his back to her.
She stared at the sleek, proud head, her heart almost too full for words.
„You idiot,“ she managed lovingly. „That thought never entered my mind.“
The broad shoulders were held tautly. „You thought I was using you…“
„Not in that sense. I was only afraid mat you were using me in your own mind as an excuse for coming back to Denver and your old life. I didn’t want you confusing your emotions for me with those for your work. I certainly never thought you’d try to take Brady from me! Ask David Hutton,“ she concluded bluntly as he swung around almost violently.
„Hutton!“
„Oh, yes,“ she smiled, remembering the phone call that morning. „It was his last-ditch effort. He tried to tell me what you would do to me and the firm once you had salvaged it from his grasp. Tried to convince me I was much better off turning everything over to him.“
„What did you tell him?“ The question was low-voiced and vulnerable.
„The same thing I’m going to tell you. I trust you completely, Rand.“ She didn’t move, but she knew her eyes would be reflecting her love and trust.
He watched her with a hunger that had nothing to do with physical desire.
„Do you realize,“ he said, each word deliberate and carved with dazed wonder, „you’re probably the only human being in the Rocky Mountain Empire who has ever said that to me?“ He came forward, pulling her into his arms as if he were afraid she might break.
„Oh, my darling Kalinda, that’s one of the reasons I need you so much. I need someone who believes in me. I know you haven’t had time to fall in love with me but you want me, you can’t hide that, and you trust me. Surely that’s a start. Someday I’ll make you love me as much as I love you. I swear it!“
Kalinda felt him tremble as she pressed her face into his shoulder. „And to think,“ she whispered shakily, „that I once credited you with an unusual degree of perception!“
„What’s that supposed to mean?“ he demanded.
„I love you, Rand. From the beginning, I think. I knew when I left you that morning in the mountains I’d never be completely free of you. I knew I’d never fully recover from my ‘vacation fling.’ When you showed up at my door the night of the party I was never so relieved to see anyone in my We. I realized that night I was in love with you.“
„Kalinda, my love…“ he breathed as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. She felt the relief in him.
„Do you really love me?“ She pulled back, lifting her hands to frame his face. He smiled at her, a heart- stopping look of love that told her everything.
„You do, don’t you?“ she said wonderingly.
„With all my heart.“ It was a solemn vow. „Didn’t you realize that when 1 rigged that engagement? I did it more for my own sake than to ward off Hutton’s bribery tactics. I figured once I’d gotten you past the shock of the idea I could talk you into it on reasonable grounds. Instead, I wound up seducing you into it,“ he ended with a groan of self-recrimination. „I should never have done that It wasn’t right But I wanted you so much…“
„The sneaky seduction tactics were so successful because I wanted nothing more in the world than to marry you!“ she assured him, eyes filled with fond laughter.
„I wonder if you have any idea how important you are to me? You told me you were afraid I’d only followed you back to Denver because you’d made me realize I wanted to come back to this world. And I couldn’t argue with your conclusion because it was true in a very real sense. But you didn’t understand the whole truth, Kalinda. I wouldn’t have wanted to come back without you. I would have found the business life just as empty, just as destructive for me as it had been before.“
„Oh, Rand…“
„It’s true, sweetheart I do have the business instincts of a shark. I learned a lot about myself up there in the mountains, faced some important facts. I need that easy, contemplative side of life and I need the high-powered entrepreneurial side. But it wasn’t until I met you that I realized I had a chance of having both.“
„I don’t understand.“ She looked up at him wistfully.
„Don’t you see? You’re more important to me than either of those two lifestyles. You’re the most important thing in my life And that puts things into perspective, making it possible to have it all. If 1 can have you.“
„Every time I look at that beautiful piece of pottery you made I realize I love the man who made it just as much as the man who saved Brady Data Processing. And you’re not the only greedy one, Rand,“ Kalinda smiled. „I want it all, too. I want you. I love you.“
His hands moved yearningly along her back as he stared down at her. He looked as if he didn’t fully trust his luck, Kalinda decided. But she was the lucky one. How could she have ever run away that morning in the mountains?
„I’ll take care of you, Kalinda,“ he promised. „I love you so much. I
„And I need you. A man I can trust, a man I can rely on for sound, rational advice, a man who wants me more than trout fishing or empire building.“ Her lips quirked invitingly, gently. „Love me, Rand. Please love me.“
He folded her to him, a reverence and a deep desire forming opposite ends of the spectrum which constituted his love for her. Kalinda felt it and reveled in it, giving herself up eagerly to the urgent need to share the love they had.
