come in and blow me away and get you out of this.”
He thought about that.
“You’re not a pro, are you?”
He said, “No… not really.”
“You didn’t stake me out or anything. You just had information about me, where I lived, and you came and did this.”
He nodded.
“No careful planning. No surveillance. No days on the scene ahead of time. Just one day, or night rather. In and out. Just the hit.”
He nodded again.
“Were you told to do the woman?”
He swallowed.
“Answer me. It’ll go easier if you answer me.”
“Whoever was here.”
“And she was here.”
He nodded, looked at the floor.
“You shot her four times.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Ever kill a woman before?”
He shook his head no. Then added: “Not a white one.”
Seemed I was in the presence of another Vietnam vet.
“How did it feel?”
He swallowed.
“Just answer me.”
“It… didn’t feel like anything. It was no different.”
“Than killing a man, you mean.”
“Yeah… yeah, than killing a man.”
“Or some slant.”
“Or… or some slant.”
“She was pregnant.”
He looked at me sharply. “Really?”
“Really.”
“I… I didn’t know that.”
“Would it have made a difference?”
“Sure… sure it would.”
“Why did you shoot her four times?”
“To… to make sure.”
Nam or not, he wasn’t a pro. Didn’t claim to be.
“Who hired this?”
“I don’t know.”
“Who hired this?”
“I can’t say. They’d kill me.”
“They can’t kill you any deader than I would.”
“They… they could kill my family. You don’t know who I am. You can’t do anything to my family.”
“Yeah, but on the other hand, I could cut your nuts off with a steak knife.”
He was shaking. “I can’t stop you from whatever you do to me. That was… was your wife in there.”
“That was my wife in there.”
“Then there’s no getting out of this. You killed my partner, didn’t you?”
I said nothing.
“You killed him,” the guy said, shaking his head. He was crying; quietly crying.
“I killed him,” I said.
He looked at me, his face slick. “I didn’t hear a shot.”
“I used an axe.”
He shivered. “God, oh God…”
“Are you praying or swearing?”
“Why don’t you just do it?”
“It’s political, isn’t it? It’s because I turned that job down. It’s because it’s political and I’m a loose end.”
He shook his head no, emphatically. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I have nothing to say to you.” He was staring at the floor.
“You’re going to say it all,” I said, trying to control the rage, and I reached down and pulled him up to a standing position, by his sweatshirt, and yanked the gun out and buried it in his stomach. He made a sucking-in sound; I was looking right at him, I could smell the minty mouthwash on his breath, see the hysteria in his dark eyes. “You won’t die in your sleep, like she did. You’ll crawl around the floor trying to keep your intestines from falling out, but all you’ll get out of the effort is bloody fucking hands. Now talk.”
“Fuck you,” he said, sobbing.
“Now you’ve done it,” I said.
“W-what?”
“Gone and made me mad,” I said, and squeezed the trigger. His body muffled the sound and I let him drop and stood over him and watched him die. It took a while.
I went in the bedroom and sat on the bed next to Linda. What had been Linda. Put my hand on her stomach. My hand came away red.
I got a suitcase from the bedroom closet; when I opened it, I found several brightly wrapped packages. Christmas paper and bows, little cards inscribed by her hand, “Love you, Jack-your Linda,” and so on. I left the gifts in the suitcase but filled in around the sides with a few more things: pair of jeans, couple sweaters, socks, underwear, some toiletries. Just enough to get me by for a few days. I’d pick up some new clothes. Linda had some sleeping pills, Seconal, and I took the bottle with me. I had a few business papers I wanted to take along-from the old days, the Broker days-and from the safe in my little office I took my stash of emergency cash, ten grand, in twenties and fifties. Tucked those packets into the suitcase, as well. I left the safe open.
I went outside and took the axe out of the back of the guy’s head, which made a sound like pulling your foot up out of mud, and dragged him by the feet in through the back door, all the way into the living room; he left a snail-like trail of blood and brain matter, even though the mess was facing mostly up. In his pants pocket I found the keys to his car, which I kept. He had no I.D. of any kind, of course. Like a department store window dresser, I arranged my mannequin so that his head was against the metal lip of the fireplace. Near his open right palm I placed the nine-millimeter I used on his partner. I found my hunting jacket hung on the hook by the front door; my car keys were on the kitchen counter and I put them in the right-hand jacket pocket. As if dancing with a clumsy partner, I put it on the other corpse, and draped him near the fireplace as well. I removed his leather gloves; put them on-they fit perfectly-and reached under the sofa for the silenced Luger, leaving the gun near the two dead men. Then I stepped back to look at them, an artist checking his composition. As an afterthought-and with some reluctance, I admit-I removed my Rolex, engraved on the back “To Jack-Love Linda,” and placed it on the left wrist of the corpse wearing my hunting jacket. Now satisfied, I went back out to my little tool shed and got a can of gasoline. Still wearing the gloves, I soaked a good deal of the living room down, dousing the two corpses, and particularly the fireplace, whose dying embers flared into life. I didn’t douse Chris at all-him I hoped would eventually be identified. I splashed some in the hallway. Couldn’t bring myself to splash any around the bedroom. The smell of the gas began to override the death smell.
I went in the bedroom one last time. I was going to kiss her goodbye, but she really wasn’t there anymore, was she? She was gone. I’d fucked up, chose the wrong option, and she was gone. Somebody screamed. Me.
I had lived here a long time. But I could never live here again.
Then I went out the front door, suitcase in hand; I stood on the deck for a moment and held the door open
