The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous

in Rupert’s lorry on the thirty-five mile drive to Worcester the following morning. To distract him from his desperate nerves, Rupert had given him the responsibility of loading the five runners and their tack.

It was a beautiful day, with soft brown trees sunlit against the khaki fields, catkins hanging like golden Tiffany lamps, and coltsfoot exploding in a sulphur haze on the verges.

‘Arthur always enjoys being read to,’ said Lysander, as he turned the lorry towards the motorway. ‘He likes the Sun better than the Independent, but he likes Dear Deirdre best.’

‘Dear Deirdre, I am in love with a married woman who will not leave her husband, Arthur must be quite sick of that one,’ said Samantha, handing Lysander her last cigarette. ‘You can’t stop here,’ she said in horror as Lysander screeched to a halt to much honking and fist-waving.

‘I’ve got to. I took half a bottle of Cascara last night to lose the last three pounds and I’m about to explode. Open the fucking door.’ Lysander leapt across them out of the lorry and bounded up the hard shoulder.

Rupert and Taggie were flying to Worcester from London with Mr Pandopoulos and Freddie Jones, the co- owner of Penscombe Pride. Tabitha, back for half-term, was being given a lift by Dizzy, Rupert’s tough, blond, glamorous head girl, who had recently returned to work for him after getting a divorce.

Racing into the yard, Tabitha greeted her own ponies, then, armed with a Twix, rushed off to see Arthur. Coming out of his box, just avoiding Tiny’s teeth, she gave a gasp, for in the next box, rugged, bandaged, plaited up and fast asleep was Penscombe Pride.

‘Dizzy,’ screamed Tab, banging on the groom’s flat window.

‘What is it?’ said Dizzy, who rather fancied Mr Pandopoulos as a sugar daddy, turning off the hair drier.

‘Isn’t Pridie running in the 3.15?’

‘Certainly is. He should be halfway to Worcester by now.’

‘The hell he is, he’s still in his box.’

‘Jesus.’ Dizzy dropped the hairdrier. ‘That stupid fucker must have forgotten to load him. Sam and Maura are so in love with him, they wouldn’t have noticed.’

‘We’ve got to get him there,’ said Tabitha in panic. ‘Daddy’ll boot Lysander straight out if he finds out.’

One of Rupert’s lorries was in for a service, the other had gone to Folkestone. There only remained the trailer used for ferrying pigs, calves and Tab’s ponies around — transport ill-fitting the winner of the Cotchester Gold Cup two years running and the yard’s biggest earner.

‘I daren’t risk it,’ said Dizzy. ‘We could borrow one of Ricky France-Lynch’s lorries.’

‘Ten miles in the wrong direction,’ urged Tab. ‘Pridie’ll enjoy the fresh air and at least his tack’s gone on already.’

‘I’m going to be sick,’ said Tabitha, hanging out of the window as the speedometer hit sixty miles an hour along the narrow, winding high-banked country lanes.

‘I’m going to be sacked,’ said Dizzy. ‘Is Pridie still there?’

‘He’s fine.’ Leaning round Tabitha could see his lovely dark bay head, with the instantly recognizable zigzag blaze, and large, wide-set eyes looking over the top of the trailer at the russet cottages and orchards.

As they rattled through Pershore, two women with shopping bags cheered in amazed excitement. As they hit race-day traffic, more and more people started laughing and waving to see little Pridie so close.

‘Like the Pope in his Popemobile,’ giggled Tab.

‘I’ve backed that horse in the 3.15, so get a move on,’ said a man in a Jaguar drawing alongside them at some traffic-lights. ‘What are you two doing for dinner tonight?’

‘Someone’s bound to tell Daddy,’ said Tab despairingly.

‘He nearly killed Lysander for forgetting Mr Sparky’s bridle last week,’ said Dizzy, drawing the attention of the man on the gate to the green trainer’s badge on the windscreen.

‘If only Lysander weren’t so lush,’ sighed Tab. ‘D’you think there’s any hope for me?’

‘Doubt it,’ said Dizzy, bumping over the muddy track, ‘seems so set on this Kitty, he’s determined to practise being faithful.’

‘My brother Marcus only practises the piano for eight hours a day. Oh, thank God! There’s Dad’s lorry.’

Ahead, beside horse boxes belonging to Martin Pipe and Jenny Pitman, was parked the familiar dark blue lorry with RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK in large letters on the side. Stamping could be heard from within. With the cough and viruses about, Rupert preferred to leave horses in the lorry which was about as luxurious inside as the Ritz.

‘If we can reload Pridie, we might get away with it,’ said Dizzy, leaping out.

‘Oh, hell, there’s Lysander,’ muttered Tab. ‘Have you got a comb and some blusher, Dizz?’

Leaning against Rupert’s lorry as white and elongated as a piece of spaghetti tested on a wall, Lysander was chatting to Penscombe Pride’s champion jockey, Bluey Charteris. Tough as hell — you couldn’t kill him with a machine-gun — Bluey worked hard and played hard.

‘Hi, Tab,’ called out Lysander. ‘You got here quickly. We’ve only just arrived. Not a bush unleapt behind.’ He patted his concave belly. ‘Bluey’s giving me a few tips.’

Tab trotted a skittishly leaping Penscombe Pride right up to Lysander’s nose.

‘Who the hell’s this?’ she said accusingly, as Pridie whickered and left white dribble on Lysander’s blue overcoat.

‘It’s Pridie.’ Lysander scratched his head. ‘How did he get out?’

‘You forgot to load him, you asshole.’

‘Omigod!’ Lysander looked from Bluey to Tab in horror, then started to giggle. ‘How did he get here?’

‘Dizzy’s trying to hide the trailer.’

‘Kerrist!’ The grin was wiped off Bluey Charteris’ swarthy, cadaverous features as he shot round the horse, feeling his legs. ‘You fuckwit, Lysander.’

‘He liked the fresh air — like a day at the seaside,’ said Tab.

‘And what’s Rupert going to say?’ demanded Bluey.

‘Say about what?’

Everyone jumped. It was Rupert in a pale brown overcoat, with a dark brown velvet collar, and with a brown trilby tipped over his Greek nose. With him was Taggie, ravishing as ever in a pale grey trench coat, shiny black boots and a scarlet beret, and Freddie Jones, the electronics billionaire, who had red hair and a jaunty smile and was the most popular owner in the yard. Rupert never minded Freddie dropping in.

‘’Allo, Pridie,’ Freddie greeted his very famous prize winner with affection.’

’Allo, Tab, ’allo, Lysander. Gather you’ve got your first race in a minute. What is it?’

‘Maiden hurdle,’ said Lysander, starting to shake.

‘Lysander’s principal hurdle is a married woman,’ said Rupert acidly. ‘What the hell’s Pridie doing out of the lorry?’

‘He sweated up. We were just walking him out.’ Tabitha returned her father’s blue-eyed stare blandly. ‘He does look well, doesn’t he?’

‘I’d better get changed,’ said Lysander, anxious to escape interrogation.

Fortunately Rupert was sidetracked by the arrival of Mr Pandopoulos, leering in a massive belted camel-hair coat, together with Hopeless’s owner, Marcia Melling, wafting Joy.

‘Hallo, Rupert,’ she said petulantly, leaving crimson lipstick on both sides of his face. ‘I’m a bit choked. You’ve put a complete novice on Hopeless.’

‘This is Lysander,’ said Taggie quickly.

‘Oh, oh, oooo.’ Suddenly Marcia looked as delighted as a large bear let loose in Barbara Cartland’s larder. ‘My word, aren’t you tall for a jock? Lysander, d’you say? Mystic Meg said only this week that luck would come from a man whose name began with L.’

‘Meg’s brilliant,’ Lysander smiled weakly. ‘How d’you do? Must go,’ and he fled to the changing-room lavatories.

‘What a charming, intelligent face,’ said a bemused Marcia.

‘Hasn’t he?’ said Rupert. ‘Makes a battery hen look like Stephen Hawking.’

In the same race as Lysander Bluey Charteris was riding a brilliant five year old called Turkish Hustler, whom Rupert had brought off the flat and who was odds-on favourite. Hopeless was 100-1. ‘Lives up to her name,’ said Timeform succinctly.