Conundrum

and give me everything you’ve got. We’re going to sink that ship, if it’s the last thing we do.”

As the crew prepared for battle, the glowworms in the glowwormglobes hanging from the overhead pipes reacted to the excitement, changing from their normal cool blue light to an angry blood red. Professor Hap- Troggensbottle stumbled onto the bridge, the edges of his beard black and smoking.

“What happened to you?” the commodore asked as he maneuvered the Indestructible into attack position.

“Small mishap. Nothing to worry about. What’s going on? Are we under attack?” the professor said.

“We were. Now we’re the ones doing the attacking!” Sir Grumdish answered fiercely.

“Stand by the Toaster!” the commodore shouted. “Prepare to ascend. When we reach the surface, we’ll give “em both UAEPs, and if that doesn’t work, we’ll stave a hole below her waterline she won’t likely forget!”

“Aye, Commodore!” Sir Grumdish cheered.

Conundrum joined Snork at the wheel now, and together they peered out the porthole at the murky water of the Blood Sea of Istar. Snork made small adjustments to their course according to the directions of the commodore, who kept his eye glued to the Peerupitscope. The Indestructible grew quiet as, with everything ready, the crew members waited at their stations.

Sir Tanar crept from his chamber and down the corridor to the bridge. The sudden silence, after so much commotion, filled him with foreboding. He found the gnomes standing dutifully at their posts, washed by the eerie red glow of the glowwormglobes, only their goggling eyes and quivering beards showing any outward sign of their excitement.

“Commodore Brigg,” he said. “Have we begun our descent?”

The commodore ignored him, and instead stepped back with a broad smile on his face. “Lower the Peerupitscope,” he said softly. The long gleaming tube of metal sank into the floor.

“Commodore Brigg,” Sir Tanar said insistently, clearing his throat for emphasis.

Again, the commodore ignored him. Turning to Snork, he said calmly, as though telling the cook what to prepare for tonight’s mess, “Navigator, surface the ship.”

“Aye, sir!” Snork assented with a red gleam in his eye. He turned to Sir Grumdish.

“Emergency ascent!” he shouted. “Blow the ballast tanks! Engage the ascending flowpellar!”

Sir Grumdish shouted down the ladder to engineering, “Emergency ascent, aye! Engineer, blow the ballast tanks! Engage the ascending flowpellars!”

They heard the chief shouting, “Blow the ballast tanks, aye! Engage the ascending flowpellars, aye!” His voice quickly became lost in the whir and shriek of spinning gears and clattering spring cranks.

Responding to the controls, Indestructible leaped upward. The crew staggered and held on as the bow of the ship tilted upward and the engines drove her through the water. The brownish light shining through the porthole quickly brightened and shaded to a deep red, then a pale pink. Suddenly, it vanished, replaced by fingers of foam running down the surface of the glass. The bow of the ship rose up out of the water like a breaching whale, then came down with a heavy surge, huge waves lashing out to either side.

“Fire the UAEPs!” the commodore shouted.

“Fire the UAEPs!” Sir Grumdish repeated. “Aye!”

Just as the ship began to settle back into the water, it lurched backward. Twin forty-foot-long sprays of glistening water erupted from the bow, and from them shot two enormous arrows, directly at the minotaur vessel.

The pirates spun round in surprise at the sudden appearance of the Indestructible less than a hundred yards off their starboard rail. Half panicked by the sight, their crew tried to swing their catapult around and bring it to bear on the gnomes” submersible, but their efforts were wasted. One UAEP swept through them, scattering them across the decks and knocking not a few overboard. The other UAEP struck home in the mast, thudding into the hard timber and splitting it from base to wind-bellied topsail.

The minotaur captain, seeing the steel-headed ram jutting out from the bow of the Indestructible, recognized the hopelessness of the situation. Already, the mainmast of the pirate galley was cracking under the weight of the sails and push of the wind. He swept out his scimitar and roared in a bestial voice, “She’s gonna ram us! Prepare to board and take ’em, lads!”

Indestructible closed on her helpless prey. The crew cheered as the galley’s mainmast split asunder, spilling its sheets and lines in a chaotic heap upon her decks and burying many of her crew. But they saw numerous other pirates, steel in hand, gathering at her starboard rail, the red gleam of murder in their eyes.

The commodore held on. “Full speed!” he shouted. “Brace for impact!”

Indestructible struck the waves, spray flying before its bow. The galley loomed closer, larger, fining up the porthole with its stout timbers. And then, with a rending shriek of metal and cracking of wood, the Indestructible lurched to a sudden stop. Everything not tied down or braced flew forward, smashing against walls and bulkheads.

Conundrum climbed to his feet and pressed his face against the bridge porthole. “That’s done her!” he screamed joyously, pointing at the sea rushing into the pirate galley around the bow of the Indestructible, which was firmly lodged into a hole in the galley’s side large enough to swallow a small whale. The others crowded closer to witness the destruction.

Suddenly, a dark shape dropped before them, its hideous bestial face filling up the window, red eyes blazing, forward swept horns rising from its head. It had a dagger clamped firmly in its mouth, and a scimitar in one sledgelike fist, swept back to strike. The bitter edge of the blade pinged against the glass of the porthole, inflicting no damage but causing everyone to leap back in fear. Other shapes dropped around it, and soon they were pounding on the hatch with their blades.

“Let’s hope they don’t have hammers!” the commodore said, laughing nervously. He turned and shouted down the ladder, “Withdraw the ram!”

“It’s stuck!” Chief Portlost answered as he climbed up to the bridge. He stood before the commodore, wringing his beard in frustration.

“Well, back us up. They’re boarding us,” the commodore said.

“We can’t, sir!” the chief wailed in dismay. “We don’t have a reverse.”

“Is it broken?”

“No, sir. We never designed the ship to go in reverse,” the chief answered.

“Well, that’s torn it,” the commodore said, placing his fists on his hips and stomping his foot.

“Commodore,” Snork said. “The galley’s sinking.” Already, the sea covered half the porthole. The pounding on the hatch had an air of desperation to it, and the minotaur outside the porthole had dropped his scimitar and was trying his dagger against the hatch’s seals.

“She’s sinking,” the commodore repeated, “and taking us with her.”

Chapter 19

“Well, Chief, this may complete your Life Quest,”

Commodore Brigg said. “This is a wondrously bad mishap by any definition. I hope you’re recording it.”

Chief Pordost’s head appeared at the top of the ladder. “Thanks for reminding me! Let me get my notebook.” He disappeared below decks.

Now, seawater completely filled the view from the porthole. They saw a pair of large booted feet kicking madly and rising slowly upward. A stream of bubbles poured out of the gaping hole in the galley’s side and vanished upward as well. The sunlight shining through the water grew steadily dimmer and browner.

“How deep do you suppose it is here, Navigator?” the commodore asked, almost as if he were asking for the time of day.

Snork shook his head and shrugged, unable to find words, then turned back to the porthole. Gradually, it grew