Memory and Dream

“I have to ask,” Alan said. “Did you set the fire?”

“I ... I don’t know.”

Her reply surprised Alan. He’d been expecting a quick denial. He’d heard the rumors that had circulated back then, but he’d dismissed them immediately. With what he knew now about Isabelle’s art, about the numena, when he could see how dedicated she was to their safety and survival, he couldn’t imagine her having played any part in the destruction of so many.

“Rushkin spiked the punch that night,” Isabelle said. “With acid—remember?”

Alan nodded. “Yes, but—”

“I had a couple of glasses of it,” Isabelle said. “I started tripping very seriously and then everything went black. I remember passing out in the farmyard—out by one of the old barns. When I came to in the morning, I was on the far side of the island, my clothes and hands and arms and face all covered in soot.”

Cosette was staring at Isabelle in horror.

“So what are you saying?” Alan asked. “That you did set the fire?”

Isabelle shook her head. “I’m saying I really don’t know. Rushkin told me, just before the acid kicked in, that he could make me destroy all the paintings. He put a box of matches in my hand. Then I was gone. I remember having what

I thought was a dream. I remember seeing them burn, all those lovely, innocent creatures. I remember holding them in my arms as they died. But when I woke, I was a long way from the farmyard.”

She paused for a moment, then added, “Rushkin said I did it.”

“From all I’ve heard about him,” Marisa said, “I don’t think you should be taking his word as gospel.”

“He doesn’t lie about everything. He didn’t lie about the numena and how I could bring them across.”

“No, he only lies when it suits him. I know too many people like that.” Alan nodded in agreement.

“But if she did do it .....Cosette said in a soft, strained voice.

Isabelle gave the wild girl an unhappy look. “It makes me as much of a monster as him. John was right. He told me from the first. I should never have brought anyone across. All I’ve done is cause them terrible pain.”

“My god,” Marisa said suddenly. “Those two creatures of Rushkin’s. They’re going back to the Foundation for the paintings.”

“And to hurt Rolanda,” Alan added. He looked at Cosette. “You’ve got to go back. You have to warn her and hide the paintings of you and your friend.” But Cosette shook her head. “I won’t go.”

“What?”

Cosette stood up and folded her arms, looking down at the three of them. “You can’t make me do it.”

“But why won’t you go?” Marisa asked.

Cosette pointed a finger at Isabelle. “Because she’s going to free her red crow and I have to see it fly. I have to see, I have to know what she has that I don’t. Why she can dream and bring us across, but I can’t.”

Marisa and Alan looked at Isabelle in confusion.

“Do you know what she’s talking about?” Alan asked.

Isabelle nodded slowly. “I’ve thought and I’ve thought about it,” she said in that same strained flat voice she’d been using all along. “I can’t kill Rushkin in cold blood, and I don’t know if I have the strength to stand up to him anymore. He wants me to paint more numena for him to feed on.”

“Christ, if you’re worrying about Kathy’s collection,” Alan said, “don’t even think about it.”

“It’s not that. Rushkin said he’ll have his numena kill my friends if I don’t paint for him.”

“So we’ll have to figure out a way to—”

Isabelle cut him off. “No, there’s no more thinking to do. There’s only one way I can make sure that he can’t use me anymore.” She picked up the utility knife again, this time sliding the blade out. “I have to follow Kathy’s lead one last time.”

“Now, hold on there,” Alan said.

He started to reach for the knife to take it from her, but she swept it back and forth in front of her, making him back away.

“This is totally stupid,” he argued with her.

“No, this is the only option I’ve got left. I can’t kill another person in cold blood—not even a monster like Rushkin—but I can’t let this go on anymore.”

“You see?” Cosette said. “She has to do it and I have to watch.”

Marisa just looked at her. “How can you be so cold-blooded?”

“I don’t have any blood at all,” Cosette replied. “I don’t have a red crow beating its wings in my chest. When we die, we become nothing. We’re not the same as you. When you die, the red crow flies away and you’re supposed to live somewhere else. I want to follow it. I want it to show me how we can be real, too.”

“I told you before,” Isabelle said, “a long time ago. You are real.”

Cosette shook her head. “I’ve no dreams and no blood and because of that I can’t be like you. I can’t reach into the before and bring more of us across. So how can you say I’m real?”

“Because all it takes for you to be real is for me to give you a piece of myself,” Isabelle said. “John explained it to me.”

At the mention of John, Cosette seemed more willing to listen. “So when will you give me something?” she asked.

“I already have.”

“No,” Cosette said. “I don’t have anything of yours. I’d know if I did.”

“You have my love—that’s what I gave you when I brought you across.”

“But the dreams ... and the red crow ...”

Isabelle sighed. “I said you were real. That doesn’t make you the same as me.” She shook her head.

“Why would you even want to be like me?”

“Because of your magic. Because of the way you can make something out of nothing and then bring us across.” Cosette pointed to the unfinished canvas that stood on the easel. “I can feel her stirring already, you know. Somewhere in the before she’s leaving the stories and getting ready to come here.”

“You’ll have to learn your own magic,” Isabelle said. “And if you don’t go rescue your painting, you won’t survive long enough to do so.”

“But—”

“If you don’t care about yourself or your friend in the other painting,” Alan said, “then at least think of Rolanda.”

“She is nice,” Cosette said, wavering.

“Do you want her to be hurt, when you could have saved her?”

Cosette looked from Alan to Isabelle. Her gaze focused on the utility knife in Isabelle’s hand, the shining length of razor-sharp blade that protruded from one end. Cosette put a hand to her chest, palm flat between her small breasts, and a look of sadness came over her. Alan couldn’t tell if it was for Isabelle, or for herself; for the red crow that Isabelle would be loosing, or for the one she herself didn’t have. Then she blinked out of existence, leaving behind her only the sound of displaced air that rushed to fil the spot where she’d been standing.

Beside him, Marisa shivered and took his hand. Alan knew just how she was feeling. It was one thing to talk about magic being real, but something entirely unsettling about experiencing it firsthand.

“I’m sorry you have to be here to see this,” Isabelle said.

Alan watched her stand up and back away from them.

“We won’t let you die,” he said. “If you cut yourself, I’ll stanch the wound.” He stood up himself:

“Hell, I’ll make you cut me first.”

“Don’t make this harder than it is. It’s already taking all the courage I’ve got.”

“What would Kathy think?” Alan tried.

“I don’t care!” Isabelle cried. The flatness left her voice and Alan could hear the utter despair that was driving her. “We always thought she was so brave and true, that she was so strong. Well, we were wrong, weren’t we? Maybe we could have saved her, if we’d known, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m not doing this for Kathy. I’m not doing this because I want to. I’m doing this because it’s the only way I can stop Rushkin from hurting my friends. I won’t make more numena for him, but I won’t let him take away anything else I love.”

“And when he finds someone else to make numena for him?” Alan asked. “What changes?”

Isabelle shook her head. “Do you think he’d be risking what he is, if he could find someone else? His last