Next Door Neighbor

get angry, and looked at me as though she'd like to slap me silly. I just sat there, calmly, and after she'd had a chance to think about our conversation so far, relaxed again, and reluctantly admitted that it hadn't. I reassured her that I wasn't asking the questions I was out of any personal desire, but simply to help her understand what was going on with Robyn. She nodded her understanding, and I said 'How long was it after your first time was it before you really started enjoying sex, and understood that it could be a pleasant and even satisfying experience?'; I waited several seconds as I watched her thinking about the answer before she whispered 'too long, I think'. With that, I knew how I could get her to give Robyn a little more 'breathing space', and followed up by asking 'Would you want Robyn to go through what you did, then?', to which she quickly replied 'No'.

I let her think about that for a couple minutes as we sat and sipped on our coffee some more.

When she'd collected herself a bit, I told her that I thought Robyn was a pretty smart 'young woman' (which got me a slightly dirty look), and said that I thought Robyn was showing some pretty good sense and a surprising amount of responsibility by asking for birth control. Lucy admitted that it was, but saying that she really didn't think that Robyn was ready to start having sex yet. I asked her if she really thought Robyn would ever be ready, and she laughingly admitted she didn't really think so. Then I asked her if her parents attitudes and opinions had made a great deal of difference in her own decision to become sexual, and she grudgingly admitted not. I could see that she was expecting it, then, when I asked her 'Then do you really think that what Robyn does is going to be affected that much by what YOU think or say?'; and she could only admit that she didn't think so. I told her 'I think Robyn is going to do what Robyn wants to do, in that area. I think she's got enough smarts that she's going to pick her own time, her own place, and who she wants to be the first. I don't think that there's a whole lot you could do to stop her; and I think if you got to insistent about it, you'd only alienate her.' Lucy thought about that for a bit as we both sipped on our coffee some more, and I followed it with 'If you want to keep a strong, loving relationship with Robyn, I think the best thing you could do would be to sit down with her, and explain to her why you think she should wait until she's ready. Tell her that you love her, and that you hope she'll take her time about choosing who she wants to be her first, but that once she makes her decision about it, one way or another, you'll still love her and support her. You don't have to encourage her,' – getting me a chuckle at the irony of such a statement – ' but I think you can let her know that you love her, trust her to make the decision that's right for her, and exercise caution and responsibility along the way. Make sure she knows about the possible consequences of sexual contact,' – she nodded at that – ' and try to let her know that you understand the feelings she's having, since you had them about her age, too. That way, I think she'll start to trust you, and will be more willing to come to you with her problems and questions on the matter -*as long as you don't 'preach' to her, or abuse the trust she shows you*'. That last part really got her attention, since I'd been sure and emphasize it. I followed that by telling her 'I think as long as you don't do anything to abuse her trust -*no matter what*, then you'll have a better chance of guiding her than if she felt as though she couldn't talk to you about anything. The biggest problem you're probably going to have is talking to her in a way that lets her know you care, but without 'preaching' at her. The next hardest thing will probably be making sure that you clearly separate your own opinions about things from the real facts'. That got me a questioning look, and a 'What do you mean?'; so I replied 'What do you tell her if she comes to you and asks you about homosexuality? Do you give her the pure facts, or do you dump a lot of society's ill will toward gays on her?', which prompted her to get a real thoughtful look on her face.

While she was mulling that over, I finished up my coffee, stood up, and took her cup, heading in to the kitchen to get us each a refill.

When I got back, Lucy had pulled her legs up under herself in the chair, giving me a nice view – when I sat down again – of the bottom of her ass cheeks where they peeked out from under her shorts. She asked me how it was that I got so smart about such things, and I told her that it was easy – I didn't have any kids, making her laugh. She said that I seemed like a pretty smart guy, and asked how I got to the point of working for myself. I gave her the nickel explanation: humble beginnings, poor-in-cash, rich-in-spirit, did poorly in school because of boredom, went into the military to learn a trade, traveled all over half the world, paid attention to what I saw as I traveled around, got out, worked for others for a while, and finally figured out how to bring together what I was good at with what I enjoyed doing. I played the whole thing down, but she seemed to think that it was kinda spectacular, anyway. She said that I seemed pretty calm about things (adding with a smile, 'even having someone wake you up at 5 AM'), and asked if I was a religious person. That prompted me to give her pretty much the same spiel that I'd given Robyn, with a few more explanations tossed in, in response to questions she asked.

In return, I asked her a little about herself, and learned that Robyn had her ex-husband's coloration, but physically resembled herself at that age. She also said that her two sons lived with their father, and that for a couple weeks each summer, she got custody of them. Other times, her ex-husband would get custody of Robyn for a couple of weeks; and that during the rest of the year, one or the other of them would have all the kids for a couple days, like over a long weekend. When I asked, she told me that she and her husband had divorced because of 'basic incompatibilities – like he just wanted to get his rocks off, and didn't care about what happened to me'. I also learned that she was in her early 30's ('I married young – some of that 'boy-craziness' I told you about'), and that Robyn would be turning 13 the following month.

By this time, we'd each finished our coffee again, and when I got up to get us a refill, she said that she really did have to go, but that she'd remember what I'd said and asked. I asked her what she was going to do about the school nurse calling her, and she said that she'd tell Robyn about it, and give her permission. I pointed out to her that I thought the situation gave her a good opening to start the kind of dialogue she wanted with Robyn – that she could tell Robyn that the nurse had called, but that she didn't think Robyn should be taking such things to the nurse, who clearly couldn't be trusted. She could then use the chance to reinforce the need for care and responsibility, and show that she could be trusted by discussing the different birth control options with Robyn before taking her in to see a doctor about getting her set up with one of them – and then refraining from making any inquiries to Robyn after that. Lucy got a surprised look on her face, and conceded the point by saying 'You know, I wouldn't have thought of that, but you're right. I think I'm going to have to come over here and talk to you more often!', after which I reminded her that she mustn't let Robyn know that I'd said anything about the discussions she and I'd had. Lucy nodded her understanding, came over, stood up on her toes, and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek along with a 'thanks!' before collecting Robyn's things and heading home leaving me wondering what she'd have had to say (and what she'd have done!) if she knew that I was already boffing her daughter.

The next day, her mother went back to work, and that afternoon, Robyn came to my place after she'd gotten out of school. When she came into my apartment, she exclaimed 'You won't*believe* what happened last night!', and I gestured her toward the living room so we could talk. After we'd sat down on the couch, she turned toward me and started telling me about the long talk she'd had with her mother the previous night – how she'd gone to the nurse at school to ask about birth control (I made the appropriate surprised look-and-noises at that), how the nurse had called her mother ('Even though they say that what we talk to them about is supposed to be private' with great indignation); and about how her mother had sat and talked with her 'for*hours*!' about boys, her feelings, being responsible, birth control, and so on. All during this, I made the appropriate noises and got the proper expressions on my face, so that she wouldn't know that I'd had a little bit of a hand in the matter.

She finally wound down by saying 'after we finished talking, I just *knew* that I could talk about stuff to her – she really understands!'. I reminded Robyn that, as surprising as it might seem, her mother had been her age once, too, and could probably remember what it had been like for her. She seemed kind of surprised at that, but quickly realized the validity of it.

After a few moments, I told her 'I'm glad that you feel like you can go to your mother about what your feeling, and such. I just hope that you'll remember that your mother has a little different view of things, and that she might not always be so open and understanding about the things that you tell her'. That gave Robyn some serious food for thought, and as she was contemplating it, I went in to get us each a Coke. When I got back, she looked at me and said 'I think you're probably right. What can I do?'; I explained to her that I thought she and her mother were a lot alike, and that I thought they were both trying to keep an open, honest dialog going – but from different directions and perspectives. She nodded her head in understanding, and I continued with 'Remember that this is probably just as new for her as it is for you, and she's probably going to have trouble with it at times just like you will. When things start to get difficult, remember how hard it must have been for her to even*start* your little talk last night, understand that she loves you very much, and does what she does because she's worried about you – that's a mother's job!', which brought me a smile and short laugh.