man, ever active, he had risen to the command of his regiment. I was not allowed to remain at home. My prayer for a governess was peremptorily refused; my mother could not endure my presence. I was packed off to a pensionnat de demoiselles near Paris. One which had been specially recommended by the mother of two promising and 'honorable' young members of a noble house.
It was at this place that I was destined to be initiated into the more practical knowledge of mankind, so far as their sexual instincts and aptitudes are concerned. The house was large, and stood in its own grounds, with a short garden in front leading to the loge du concierge and the great iron gates which closed the establishment to the public road. The lodge was tenanted by a singular individual, a hunchback, who had held the office of janitor for some years. He was a man of some forty-five years of age and stood about four feet and a few inches in his boots. His hump was a sufficient disfigurement, but his ungainly ugliness, his long hair and his huge hands and feet added greatly to his weird appearance. With all this, however, his face was not repulsive, and his manner the reverse of brutal. He was considered a perfectly harmless unfortunate, bore an excellent character, and had the entire confidence of Madame St. C-, proprietress and directress of the pensionnat.
When I became intimate with my fellow pupils, I learned that they were quite as well acquainted with natural phenomena as my old friends at Brighton, indeed more than one of the French girls made no scruple of boasting of her exploits. One in particular spoke openly of her acquaintance with a certain playfellow of the other sex, who had obtained from her such favors as only lovers are permitted. The concierge was allowed to eke out his small revenue by the harmless privilege of retailing sweets, chocolate, etc., to the pensionnaires. The girls, during the hours of recreation, would return from his little den in the lodge with red cheeks, and their mouths full of sugar-plums.
I never had the child's weakness for bonbons. I was not fond of them. The concierge and myself remained strangers for a considerable time after my arrival. I often noticed that the man took extra trouble to salute me in passing. He offered such civilities as were decorous and polite. The girls spoke sometimes of little commissions which they had given him to perform for them. I soon found he was considered a sort of safe intermediary between the world at large and the elder girls.
When I crossed from Dover to Calais, en route for Paris in charge of a governess who collected the English pupils, I chanced to sit next to two gentlemen who conversed together of Voltaire and his works. I possessed a girl's natural curiosity-I listened. One exclaimed how he recognized the biting sarcasm of his style. He quoted the account given of the great king's private vices. The other cited Addison to show how little concern the great Frenchman had for virtue in itself. It was a pretty dispute. They raised their voices. I made notes, and determined to read Voltaire and judge for myself. I did not want bonbons-I wanted Voltaire.
One afternoon, I passed the door of the lodge. It was not closed. The concierge had an inner room. There was a curtain across the door between the two. I had seen one of the girls go in a few minutes before. I entered after her. All being silent, I peeped through a corner of the heavy curtain. The hunchback was standing sideways to me, inclined a little towards the curtain. She was sitting in his big chair before him. Her clothes were disarranged and her legs and her white belly uncovered. The man's big paw was between her thighs. He was fingering her pretty slit.
What struck me most was that he had in front a huge and naked limb. It was quite twice the size of Percy's. It was very straight and stiff. The young girl was sucking the big lead-colored knob which was rolling in and out of her mouth. He was wriggling backwards and forwards, so that sometimes almost all of the knob appeared. Then he bore forward, so that nearly the whole of it went in between her red lips. Both her little hands were clasped round his long thing. She bent her head forward in little bobs. She met his movements. Both were too much occupied to think of the curtain. They thought themselves safe. His eyes were half shut. He had a satanic expression of enjoyment on his face. His lips were apart. His breath came in loud hissing sobs. On the table was a packet of bonbons.
There are certain trifling things one hears when young which make a long and lasting impression. They remain for quite a lifetime. Such was the Brighton girl's description: 'A man with curly hair on his belly, and a thing twice the size of my brother Henry's, which got stiff and stood up straight.' Here was one at last. The very thing of which the Brighton girl had told us.
I remained still and looked on. They were only some ten feet from me. They had no idea of my presence. He breathed hard and fast. The girl seemed to like the tickling of the paw which moved crab-like about her thighs. Presently she stopped. She drew back from the shining thing which stood smoking in front of her young face. He said something which I could not catch. The hunchback's limb was quite nine inches long and very thick; it was as much as she could do to clasp it in her delicate hands. He pushed it towards her lips again and pointed to the packet of sweets. She took the terrible morsel once more into her pretty mouth. He continued his touches. He put his right hand upon the back of her head and pressed her to him. The whole of the big knob was now covered by her moist lips. Suddenly he struck her hands from their hold and took his limb between his finger and thumb. He drew forward her head with one hand and held her close. He pushed forward. She tried to extricate herself. In vain she struggled. The man's thing was firmly held in place in her mouth. He began gasping and stamping on the tiled floor. She choked and struggled. He looked ready to drop. Slowly he withdrew his limb, which was now drooped like a dying flower. It was dripping with a white froth. The girl began spitting and coughing. I thought she would have been sick. I turned away, and stealing out, ran up to the house.
That night I dreamed of a man's belly covered with hair, and a long thick limb which dangled between his legs, and could on occasion stand upright, quite twice as big as my brother Percy's.
Chapter 2
The third day after was a fete. Most of the girls went out to the Bois de Boulogne with the governesses. I pleaded a headache and remained within the precincts of the pensionnat. In the afternoon I strolled down to the lodge. The concierge had a window which looked up the avenue towards the house. He saw me coming, and was at the door.
He asked me why I had not gone with the others. Then he asked me if I liked bonbons. He said I never came to him for them.
'I have no taste for sweets. But you can do me a little favor. I want a book to read. Do you think you could get me one?'
A wicked look came over his face.
'One with pictures, mademoiselle, one of those elegant little books about the amorous fancies of young ladies and gentlemen?'
I laughed. I told him I wanted Voltaire. He promised to try and find me a copy. He would make an inquiry. Would I come in, and he would take down the title? He looked up and down the drive, and then led the way into his lodge. On a table lay his assortment of sweets.
'It is a thousand pities you do not like sweets.'
'Does little de Belvaux like sweets? She offered me some yesterday. She must be a good customer. Is it always for sweets she visits you?'
I laughed again. The little man laughed also. He looked a little uncertain. Then his face cleared. He saw I knew more than I cared to say. No doubt there were confidences among the pensionnaires. Doubtless I possessed a knowledge of what went on there.
He offered me a chair. He leaned over me while I sat and wrote the word 'Voltaire.' His breath came hot on my neck. The situation was novel. A strange excitement possessed me. He took the pen from my hand. As he did so, he seized my wrist and pressed it.
'What will you give me, if I get the book?'
'Whatever you like, if I am not found out.'
'All right, come in here, mademoiselle. You are the most beautiful girl in the pension. I would do all for you for nothing. Why do you laugh? Eh bien, nearly for nothing. At any rate for something you would like.'
He led the way into the inner room; the window which looked up towards the house was covered with a muslin blind. He closed the curtain behind us. I had seen him shut the outer door. There was another door at the back of the lodge which led into the shrubbery. He stood in front of me. He took me round the waist. Encouraged by my submission, he drew me to him. He pressed his stunted body to mine. He quite took my breath away.
