Grantville Gazette 37

at his mama as he lowered his cup. 'What is it you've heard, Mama Dearest?'

'I wish you wouldn't call me that, Theophrastus. You know I don't like it.'

'Of course, Mama Dearest. Now, what is it that brings you visiting at such an early hour?'

But Maria Elisabeth had been distracted. She pointed an accusing finger at Dina. 'Why is she suckling that child? The wife of a king's advisor should have a wet nurse.'

'I haven't signed the contract yet.'

Maria Elisabeth turned, aghast. 'Not signed it yet? You can't be thinking of refusing to enter a king's service? You wouldn't do that to your poor mama. How will I be able to hold up my head when I return home?'

Success, she was going home. 'I'm sure Phillip has every intention of signing, Frau Bombast. However, it is only sensible to have a lawyer check the contract first,' Lips said.

A few days later

Lips stared at the money being counted out in front of him. 'What is that for?' he asked.

'It is your pay for handling Dr. Gribbleflotz' correspondence,' Frau Mittelhausen said.

He licked his lips and carefully counted the USE bank bills to reassure himself just how much there was there. In his mind's eye he could see a shop in Grantville, with blue jeans, t-shirt, and a leather jacket.

'Don't spend it all at once, Lips. That has to last you until next month,' Frau Mittelhausen warned.

That did surprise Lips. He hadn't expected to get paid for doing Phillip's correspondence, and now that Phillip was no longer distracted by Dina's pregnancy, surely he wouldn't continue to do it. 'I won't.'

'But I bet he knows what he wants to spend some of it on,' Lori said.

A smile twitched at Lips' lips. 'I want some blue jeans, and a leather jacket, and . . .' memory failed him. He couldn't remember everything his screen hero had worn in that movie.

'If you want to buy jeans, I might be able to help.'

'I don't want girl's jeans,' Lips protested.

'Don't worry. I wasn't going to offer you any of mine, but there's bound to be someone in my family about your size who could use the money. Do you have any particular style in mind?'

Lips hadn't realized jeans came in different styles. He shrugged.

'Well, you must have an idea. Where did you see the ones you like?'

'It was in a movie,' Lips admitted.

Lori shook her head. 'It's like pulling teeth. What movie?'

'Rebel without a Cause.'

'Ahhhh! You see yourself as James Dean.' Lori nodded. 'You'll need a haircut. I don't suppose anybody is making hair cream, are they?'

'Hair cream?'

April, Prague

Phillip burst into the kitchen still in dishabille, brandishing a collar. 'I can't wear this. I'm supposed to be meeting the king.'

'What is wrong with the collar, Doctor?' Frau Mittelhausen asked.

'The starch is showing.' Phillip showed where white particles of starch showed up against the brilliant lime- green fabric. 'I can't wear that to see the king. Why hasn't the laundry been using dyed starch?'

'Let me see what I can do.' Frau Mittelhausen grabbed the collar and disappeared.

Lips studied Phillip. His brother-in-law was resplendent in a doublet and knee breeches, with silk stockings and short boots. That was basically the standard garb for meeting important people, however, Phillip had gone to town in his choice of colors. The doublet was an interesting shade of red, with an under-shirt in lime green visible through the slashed sleeves. The stockings were a pale pink, and the boots, well, there was no single dominant color. Lori Drahuta would have broken down laughing at the sight, but Lips was already aware that the colors, if not Phillip's combinations, were starting to be seen around Prague.

Frau Mittelhausen arrived back with the repaired collar and fitted it around Phillip's neck. Seconds later they were left in peace.

'What is dyed starch?' Frau Mittelhausen asked.

'It's from the Autochrome experiments. Phillip has been trying to rediscover how the up-timers made color photographs using dyed starch particles scattered randomly over a photographic plate.' Suddenly Lips' thought process kicked him. 'Frau Mittelhausen, is white starch on collars much of a problem?'

'Only on colored collars. Oh!'

Lips nodded. Frau Mittelhausen had reached the same conclusion he had. White starch on white collars wouldn't be a problem, but with people copying Phillip and buying colored collars, surely they too were having problems with the white starch ruining the desired effect. He rose from his chair. 'If you need me, I'll be in the laboratory doing some research.'

'I'll get you some old collars to experiment with.'

May, Prague

Lips sat watching Phillip pacing around his laboratory in the Mihulka Tower. He'd been acting strangely since he returned from his latest meeting with the king.

'What's bothering you, Phillip?' he asked.

'Dr Stone agrees that the king's color is blue,' Phillip muttered.

'But that's impossible, isn't it?'

'I thought so. I thought that Kurt Beta's Kirlian image interpretation ideas were impossible, but if Dr. Stone says the king's aura is blue, just like the color Kirlian image suggests, then that means Kirlian image interpretation is a valid science.' He paused to correct himself. 'More correctly, it is a poor cousin to the real science of Chakras.'

'What are Chakras?'

Phillip sent Lips a wry grin. 'I'm not overly sure myself. It seems to be some technique that only Dr. Stone and his assistant, Guptah Rai Singh, are familiar with.'

'Are you going to ask him to speak about the Chakras at one of your seminars?'

'In the fullness of time, when I have had a chance to learn more about them. But meanwhile, I have a problem. If aural investigating is valid science, then I may have given up on invigorating the Quinta Essentia of the Human Humors too soon.'

'I wonder what Dr. Stone knows about pyramid power?' Lips asked.

'I can't ask the Great Stoner about pyramid power. No, I'll just have to recommence my research based on the new information.'

Lips left Phillip to his ruminating and retired to the library, where he dug out the latest copy of the Grantville Genealogy Club's Who's Who of Grantville Up-timers,and spent a fruitless couple of hours looking for someone named Guptah Rai Singh.

A few days later

Lips was in the laboratory furthering his experiments with dyed starch and starched collars when Phillip walked in.

'What's that you've got there?'

'Dyed starch for collars, Phillip. Nobody in Prague has been doing any research on dyed starch, so I thought I'd try it.'

'And does it work?'

'Oh, yes.' Lips held up a dyed collar. 'This is just experimenting in different shades. Thomas has a production line going, and we're already selling it in the Dr. Gribbleflotz Emporium of Natural Wonders.'

'I don't think the store was a good idea,' Phillip muttered.

'But why not? It's doing amazing business.'

'Because the king saw one of Paxton's posters.'

'I hope he wasn't offended?'

'No, much worse,' Phillip said. 'The king would like me to develop color photography.'

'Ouch, did you tell him about the problems we are having with Autochrome?'

'One does not tell one's patron more than he needs to know. Besides, a patron is never interested in problems; a patron is only ever interested in results.'

Lips brushed Phillip's patronizing hand from the top of his head. 'So we get back to work on