Grantville Gazette 37

A general murmur of negativity ran around the room.

'Okay. You all notice that Nick's name is at the top of that list, and he has an announcement and a proposal before we start the show and tell. Father Nick, the floor is yours.'

John sat in a chair where he could see the room and Nick.

'Good evening, my friends,' Nick said. 'I do have an announcement. Today, with the consent of His Holiness Urban, I am released from my vows as a Jesuit and am returned to the secular clergy.'

' 'Bout damned time!' Simon Koudsi shouted.

'It's remarkably quick for such a request, Simon. But I agree, and that brings us to my second point.' Nick pointed at the image of Saint Philip on the wall behind him, and brought out his screwdriver. 'I certainly know you're not all Catholic.'

'You got that right too!' Reverend Simon Jones said.

'Am I to continue to be interrupted by Simons, or should I simply continue?' Nick said. Through the resulting laughter, he continued: 'That leads directly to my proposal. I believe it's time that we move from this casual group to something with more organization, which we can export to other communities. Therefore, in keeping with our principles, I propose the formal incorporation of the European Service Committee of the Society of Saint Philip of the Screwdriver. Copies of the proposed bylaws are on the table by the door. Please pick one up tonight as you leave. We will have a special meeting to discuss the organization soon. The committee's function will be to sponsor this and other meetings, to publish information gathered, and to evangelize what we've done here. I'm happy to take questions, but you should review the proposed bylaws first, I think.'

'If this Committee is to be the sponsor, does that mean that you still buy the beer Nick?' Simon Jones asked.

'Yes, Simon. I will continue to buy the beer, and the pretzels and the coffee,' Nick said.

'So the Society is a Catholic order?' The Russian prince and envoy, Vladimir, asked.

'No! Although the suppression of Murphy's imp is Godly work, this group, and the committee are not specifically related to any church. We use Saint Philip as our patron because his humor and joy are important tools in the face of the tragedies that Murphy brings us, and because having a face, an identity for the group is simpler than some formless up-time corporation. The best analogy I have is that the Society is something similar to the intergroup committees of Alcoholics Anonymous or other such organizations. It's a way for the independent groups to coordinate their work on the nature and perversity of the universe and the application of humor to the banishment of Murphy's works from our works. Read the draft bylaws.'

Vladimir nodded and smiled. 'Good. The patriarch would have trouble with me joining a Catholic order!'

Nick looked around the room. 'The work we do here is important.' Most of the listeners nodded. 'By bringing together our minds and our eyes, the imp can't hide. Together we can find a way to do as John says: Keep Murphy firmly in front of us where we can see him. We know he acts in the world, we know that God has a sense of humor that includes things which can, at best, be seen as perverse. Can there be any doubt that the God who arranged that the bread should fall butter side down seventy-five percent of the time has an odd sense of humor?' Nick paused. 'But the fact that Murphy's imp acts in the world should not be a cause for depression. Remember Saint Philip Neri's saying: A joyful heart is more easily made perfect than a downcast one. Joy is our servant and our protection. And with that, I'll end this intrusion into the evening. Look over the bylaws, and at the next meeting we'll discuss if we are agreed about doing this.'

Nick looked at the chalkboard. 'I am saddened to see the State Library on the list again, but I am particularly interested in hearing the details of yesterday's incident that has caused the proprietor of City Hall Cafe and Coffee Shop to put her name first on the list.' Nick gestured to Cora. 'The floor is yours.'

'I don't want the floor. I'm not even sure why I'm here and I didn't write my name up there. I think Simon did it,' Cora said.

'Cora, we all know about the accident at the shop yesterday, and we are happy that Maria will recover, but we would appreciate it if you would share your version of what happened. Just tell the story, and we'll listen. And there may be questions. after,' Nick said as he sat down.

'I still don't know why I'm here,' Cora said. 'I bought an espresso machine from Clarence about six months ago, and it blew up and nearly killed Maria!'

Father Nicholas stepped over to Cora on one side, and Reverend Jones on her other. Simon held her shoulder while Nick held her hand. 'Cora, we're going to ask you to try to tell us what happened exactly. Just start slowly. How does the machine work?' Simon said.

'I don't know how it works inside, but outside, you put coffee in the filter and put it on the machine and sit a cup under it, then you pull down on the big lever, and espresso squirts out of the filter into the cup.' Cora started to calm down.

'But that's not all, Cora,' Nick said.

'No, it isn't. If someone wants steamed milk, you take the milk pitcher and put it under the steam wand and open the steam valve and steam comes out and heats up the milk, and froths it. That's all there is to it. It's really, really, simple.'

'Then what happened?' Simon asked.

'Brother Bernard had ordered a cappuccino, and Maria was joking with him like she always does. She flirts with everyone, and she always said she was making a cappuccino for a Capuchin, and Brother Bernard always laughed and said that he was no Capuchin, he was the Dominican spy in Grantville. Anyway, Maria was starting to steam the milk and all of a sudden, the pipe the steam comes out of just blew out of the machine and hit Maria in the face. Then the steam hit her and burned her face.'

'And then what?' Nick asked.

'Then we called the ambulance and took her to the hospital.'

'Thanks, Cora. Why don't you sit down and listen now for a bit? People may have some questions, but there's no reason to stand here,' Simon said. He and Nick took her to a chair, and Simon handed her a glass of water.

One of the people said, 'I have a question. Cora, do you do any maintenance on the machine? How do you clean it? That sort of thing.'

'I run a clean shop,' Cora nearly shouted. 'We clean it every night, and you have to clean out the filter between shots. Is that what you mean?'

'No. Do you do anything inside the machine? Do you clean the insides any?'

'No. I don't know anything about the insides.'

'And with that;' Simon said, 'I think that it's Clarence, Jonas, and my turn.'

Clarence and Jonas explained how they had built the machine, how the boiler operated with an electric coil on a thermostat and a water level sensor, how the steamer took steam off the top of the boiler through the wand with a simple valve and a fixed pipe, and how a pressure relief valve was on top of the boiler to keep it from blowing up. Questions arose to clarify the difference between this and Clarence's line of hot water heaters.

Then Simon explained what they had found when they took the machine apart, how more than half the boiler had filled with scale from the evaporating water, and how a piece of scale had broken off and had jammed the thermostat so that it didn't prevent overheating, and another piece of scale had blocked the steam pipe. That the pipe had worked loose over time, and finally one last time, the pipe had blocked off completely and the wand had flown out.

The questions went back and forth for a short time, but the conclusion was clear. Clarence knew about scale buildup from hot water heaters, but hadn't thought through how much more scale would be deposited from the massive evaporation of the steam for the steam wand. He hadn't consulted with, or had Jonas consult with, the steam guys in Grantville. The steam heads were shaking their heads. When the discussion wound down, John Grover stood and looked around.

'I think we're done then,' John said. 'Let me summarize. The boiler needed a port to use to put vinegar or something in to clean scale on a regular basis. The wand needed to be tightened every night, and there needed to be an externally visible pressure and temperature gauge to track if problems arose. Are we agreed that we've got this?'

The room sounded with agreement.

'Then we've got enough to put this incident behind us, and to put the solution in front of us. Who wants to write the report and the new procedures?'

Jonas stood. 'I built it. I will write the report. I may need help with the words.'