if they were in a hurry to load the corpses onto open cars and dump them into the sea at Veracruz. But Father Elzevir was indefatigable. He got together with Margarito Ramirez, a brave worker who set fire to the company store. Then he became an outlaw on two fronts. The Church was hunting him down because of his robbery in Catemaco, the government because of his rebellion at Rio Blanco. I ended up asking myself, What good are these priests? Everything Father Elzevir did he could have done without the Church. My mother was going to die with or without a blessing. Porfirio Diaz’s army killed the Rio Blanco workers and threw them into the sea with or without a priest’s blessing, and Margarita Ramirez had no need of the priest to set fire to the store. In all good faith, I asked myself what the hell the purpose of the Church was. As if to confirm my doubts, Elzevir showed what he was made of. He went to Veracruz, and declared that everything that happened at Rio Blanco was an ‘anarchist conspiracy’ and appeared in the newspapers alongside the U.S. consul congratulating the government for its ‘decisive action.’ He would have done anything to get a pardon for his robbery and for running away from Catemaco. He had betrayal in his veins. He used me when he thought we were going to win, and he betrayed us as soon as we lost. He didn’t know we’d win in the long run. I came to despise him and acquired a profound hatred for the Church. That explains why I approved the persecution unleashed by Calles and why I turned in the nun Soriano. They’re a plague, and we’ve got to be implacable with them.”
“You don’t owe them anything?”
“I do owe Elzevir Almonte something. He told me all about your family. He described you as the most beautiful girl in Veracruz. I think he desired you. He told me how you’d make your confession with him. He even aroused me. I decided to meet you, Laura. I went to Xalapa to meet you.”
Juan Francisco carefully folded the map. He was already in his pajamas and went to bed without another word.
Laura couldn’t sleep. She was thinking hard about the immense impunity a reputation based on old sentiments can give one, as if, having drunk life’s hemlock, there is nothing left but to sit back and wait for death. Do we have to suffer in order to be someone? Do we receive it or seek it out? Perhaps Juan Francisco, without realizing, would have taken the story of Father Almonte-whom she’d thought of as a refugee, more a shadow than a man, in Mutti Leticia’s boardinghouse in Xalapa-as more a pain than a sin. Who knows what deep religious roots each individual and each family had in Mexico? Maybe rebelling against religion was a way of being religious. And the Revolution itself, with its national ceremonies, its civil saints and its warrior martyrs: wasn’t it a parallel, lay church-just as confident that it was the depository and dispenser of health as was the Apostolic and Holy Roman Church that had educated, protected, and exploited Mexicans all at the same time since the Conquest? But in the end none of that explained or justified betraying a woman who’d been granted asylum in a home, her home, the home of Laura D az.
Juan Francisco was unforgivable. He would die-Laura closed her eyes to fall asleep-without his wife’s forgiveness. That night, she felt herself to be more the sister of Gloria Soriano than the wife of Juan Francisco Lopez Greene. More the sister than the wife, more the sis…
The fact is-she went on caviling when morning came-she didn’t want to attribute the change in her husband’s life, from energetic and generous labor tribune in the Revolution to second-rate politico and functionary, merely and simply to the need for survival. Perhaps the game that father and son were playing with the map held the key to Juan Francisco, beyond the poor saga of Father Almonte, beyond Danton, who could be very secretive or very much a chatterbox, even a braggart, if that suited his self-esteem, reputation, and convenience. No, she was not going to disguise sympathies and differences in this house; here people would speak the truth from now on, just as she did, giving an example for them all. She’d confessed before her family and, instead of losing respect, had won it.
That weekend she said exactly that to Danton. “I was very frank, son.”
“You confess before a husband who’s impotent, one son who’s gay, another who’s drunk, and an aunt born in a whorehouse. Wow, what bravery!”
She’d slapped him once. She’d sworn never to do it again.
“What do you want me to tell you about my father? If you slept with him, you could find out all his secrets. Be braver, Mama. I’m telling you the truth.”
“You’re a miserable little worm.”
“No, I’m hoping to graduate and be a big worm, just you wait and see. Just as Kiko Mendive says in his song:
Laura hid her doubts. Danton was going to need all the help in the world, and since the world helps no one for free, he would have to pay. A feeling of profound revulsion toward her younger son flowed over her. She asked herself the useless questions: Where does that come from? What is there in Juan Francisco’s blood? Because in mine…
Santiago entered a febrile stage in his life. He neglected his job with Rivera at the National Palace and transformed his bedroom into a studio reeking aggressively of oil paints and turpentine. Entering his space was like stepping into a savage forest of fir trees, pines, larches, and terebinths. The walls were smeared as if they were a concave extension of the canvases, the bed was covered by a sheet hiding the prostrate body of another Santiago, who slept while his twin the artist painted. The window was darkened by a flight of birds attracted to a rendezvous as irresistible as the call to the south during the autumn equinox, and Santiago recited aloud as he painted, himself attracted by a kind of southern gravity:
Then he’d say disconnected things while he painted: “All artists are tame animals; I’m a wild animal.” And it was true. He was a man with a head of long hair and a boyish, scattered beard and a high, clear, fevered brow and eyes filled with a love so intense they frightened Laura, who was finding a perfectly new being in her son, on him “the initials of the earth were inscribed,” because Santiago her son was the “young warrior of darkness and copper” in the
She wanted to be just. Her two sons had already burst into extremes, both Santiago and Danton were taking shape in places of the dawn, and they were both “tall vessels” for the promising silence of two nascent lives. Until then, she’d believed in people, older than she or her contemporaries, as intelligible beings. Her sons were, prodigiously, adventurously, mysteries. She asked herself if at any moment in the years with Laura D az she herself had been as indecipherable for her parents as her sons seemed to her now. She vainly sought an explanation from those who could understand her-Maria de la O, who certainly had lived on the extreme edge of life, the frontier of abandonment that had no night or day, or her own husband, Juan Fancisco, about whom she knew only a legend, first, and then a spoiled myth, and finally an old rancor, cohabiting with a resignation she’d learned to accept.
Despite everything, the alliances between parents and sons became stronger in a natural way; in every home there are gravitational fields as strong as those of the stars-which don’t fall, Maura explained to her once, precisely because some attract others, lean on each other, maintain their integrity despite the tenacious, irresistible force of a universe that is permanently expanding, from beginning (if it really had a beginning) to end (if it really will have an end).
“Gravity doesn’t mean falling, as is commonly thought, Laura. It’s attraction. Attraction not only unites us but
