The cost of vengeance

“And do what?”

“Whatever you want to do. This ain’t your life you’re livin’; it’s Lorenzo’s life. It’s my life. I ain’t have no choices. This is what I was born and raised to do. What my daddy and my uncles have always done. I knew from the start that this life would end in one of two ways: That’s in jail or dead. Half my family is in jail, Nina. The rest gave they’re life to the game. That’s the way it is. But it ain’t got to be like that for you. You don’t have to do this, Nina. You been to college; got a degree. You’re still young, you’re pretty and you’re smart, Nina. You can do something with your life. I’ma say this one more time, Nina, then I’m done with it. Maybe it’s time you think seriously about getting out of the game. ’Cause I can guarantee you this, Kirk may not have no murder case on you, but if you stay in business, Sanchez will put a drug case on you and you’ll be in jail within a year.”

I didn’t want to hear that shit, but I knew he was right. “Okay, Leon, I get it.”

“Good,” Leon said and stood up. “I’m leaving in the morning. You let me know if I’m flyin’ alone.”

“Where’re you going now?”

“I’m going to see Angel. Why, you wanna come?”

“No,” I said quickly.

“Why you say it like that?”

“Angel makes me uncomfortable,” I said and walked Leon to the door.

“How does Angel make you uncomfortable?”

“Angel wants some pussy and I ain’t the one.”

“My sister does have a way with women.” Leon laughed. “Men too.”

“Whatever. You say hey to Angel for me, and call me tonight and I’ll let you know what I’m gonna do.”

After Leon left I thought about what he’d said and knew he was right. I mean, what was I doing? This was not the life I planned for myself. It took me five years, but I graduated from Hampton University with a degree in business administration. My plan after graduation was to have some fun hanging out with Teena and Shay for the summer, and then I’d get serious about getting a job in September. I had planned to work for a year and then go back for my master’s. I let all the things I had planned for myself after college, get away from me. I had been out of school for years and I hadn’t looked for a job or filled out an application to grad school. At first I got so caught up in Lorenzo and what he was doing, that I lost myself in being the baller’s woman. I loved Lorenzo and was happy to be anywhere he was, doing anything he was doing.

Then he went to jail, and instead of turning my life around and getting back to my plan, I let the money lead me to becoming a baller myself. I thought back to me, Shay, and Teena sitting in my living room, talking about getting into the game. And most importantly, avoiding Lorenzo’s fate.

“You were the flashy one. Drivin’ that BMW; spending all that money shoppin’. And Teena, you weren’t too much better. Both of y’all was caught up in that lifestyle.”

“Don’t hate, Shay,” I said.

“I’m not hatin’. Come on, Nina. You know me better then that. I’m just being real. Y’all two heifers was caught up in that ballers’ girl lifestyle, spending money like it was water. Now what you got to show for it? Government took everything but the clothes you had on your back.”

I was as low profile as it got. I sold the BMW and got a Honda Civic. I lived in a small one-bedroom apartment in a rundown building. Sure, it was laid out on the inside, but I didn’t let a lot of people in here. I cut out all that shopping for clothes. Shit, I didn’t wear half of them anyway. I kept to myself and didn’t go out much. The only time I left the apartment was to go to Jacksonville to get product or to sell it. With the exception of Cedric and Victor, I didn’t have a man; and you see how they turned out. This was not the way I planned to live my life. I didn’t have a life, and maybe it was time for that to change.

Leon’s words kept ringing in my mind. You need to shut down now and come South with me for a while. If he thought I needed to get out of town, then I was Florida bound. Later that night I went to tell Teena and Shay what I had decided.

Chapter Eleven

Rain Robinson

I knew who Baby John was: His name was John Tinselly. He used to roll with Kevin and Jay when they used to stickup joints. That’s how I met Jay; the three of them were at JR’s one night after they hit a big score, and were droppin’ paper buyin’ drinks like it wasn’t shit. When Jay saw me he dropped his drink; I don’t know if it was just because he was drunk, or because he never saw a body like mine.

He rushed over to me and tried to talk, but his game was so lame that I played him off. After that, he was at the club every night tryin’ to talk to me, until he’d wore me down and I finally went out with him. At the time I was just startin’ to roll, and the one thing I could say about him was, back then, Jay Easy had heart.

He got cracked over some stupid shit. We had just gotten through takin’ care of a problem, and when we split up, I gave him the guns ’cause they was both hot, and told him to get rid of them. But before he got to do it, decides he needs to stop and get some cigarettes. When he leaves the store, he gets pulled over. Cops searched the car and found the guns. The guns had bodies on them, so Jay Easy goes down for murder, but he gets out on a technicality. His lawyer said the search was an illegal search, ’cause the cops didn’t have no reason to stop him; so they ain’t have no reason to search the car. But when he got out, I was with Nick and I wasn’t interested in steppin’ down.

Right now, lookin’ back on that shit, I kinda wish I was a little nicer to Jay the night he came by the club after he got out-he just caught me at a bad time. I had smoked me a blunt, was sippin’ on some Patron, and I had watched a little porn and was waitin’ on Nick to come and fuck me silly, the way he always does. So when Jay got there, I was just tryin’ to get rid of him before Nick got there. “Look, Jay,” I said that night. “Me and you is done. Now you need to get the fuck up outta here before I call security to throw your ass out.”

That shit was wrong, but shit, Nick got there right after Jay left. Shit, I never thought that nigga would go out like that. Start robbin’ me and shit. That nigga ripped a hole in my program and put me out of business. I had to kill his ass. But when you kill one, I guess you gotta take out the whole damn family-and their friends-before the shit is done.

I had been ridin’ for hours and I still hadn’t found where Baby John was hidin’ out. I was just thinkin’ about goin’ home and gettin’ in the bed, when my cell rang. I looked at the display. Nick, damn. I turned off the music and let it ring a few times. Then I answered it like I was asleep. I just hoped that he wasn’t callin’ me from my apartment.

“Hello.”

“Did I wake you?” Nick asked.

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“That’s okay.”

“How do you feel?”

“I’m okay. When you gonna get here?” I asked so I’d know how much time I had.

“I don’t think I’m gonna make it over there until late, so I’ll probably go home and see you in the morning.”

“No, baby. Come get in the bed wit’ me.”

“It’s gonna be late and I don’t wanna bother you. Besides, you need to rest and you know how you are: If I come over there you’re gonna wanna fuck.”

“Anything wrong with that?” I asked, playin’ my role and hopin’ he wouldn’t call my bluff.

“No, but like I said, you need your rest.”

“You’re probably right. You do what you gotta do and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Get some rest,” Nick said and ended the call.

I hated lyin’ to Nick like that, but I felt like I had to do it this way. Nick was about to kill me over the shit I was doin’ and his warning to me was still fresh in my mind. You don’t get another chance. I wasn’t about to give that nigga another reason to even think about killin’ me ’cause I was too much trouble.

Now that I knew I had all night, I wasn’t feelin’ tired no more. I was gonna find Baby John if that shit took all