Mike Black
“Jackie’s fine ass wanna fuck you,” Bobby said to me as soon as I got in the car.
“What you talkin’ about?” I asked him even though I knew.
“Don’t play stupid. You know what I’m talkin’ about. I can see it in her eyes; the way she looks at you. Jackie wants to give you some of that pussy, and you know it,” Bobby said.
“I like Jackie.”
“So-what's the problem?”
“I don’t wanna like anybody right now.” And I didn’t. I don’t know if I ever could or even if I wanted to feel for another woman what I felt for Cassandra.
“You a single man now. Get you a box of Jimmys and fuck as many hoes as you can.”
“Not worth the effort.”
“What, fuckin’ a bunch of hoes?”
“No. Fuckin’ a bunch of hoes with condoms. It’s not worth the effort.”
“How you figure that? I really need to know why you think fuckin’ ain’t worth it. ‘Cause I love fuckin’,” Bobby damn near testified.
“I love fuckin’ too, all I’m sayin’ is that I don’t like condoms. I don’t know how you do that shit.”
“You strap that mutha fucka on and go for it. How the fuck you think?”
“But I don’t feel anything, Bob!” I said louder than I needed to, but I got my point across. But just in case I didn’t, I continued. “I hate them damn things, ’cause I don’t feel a damn thing. And they’re tight.”
“Get Magnums,” Bobby said quickly.
“They’re tight too.” I could deal with the whole tight thing, but unless I feel it, it’s like I’m just goin’ through the motions, and after a while, I just lose interest.
That was another reason why I missed my baby so much. I loved fuckin’ her. I couldn’t get enough of her. There was never any need for anyone else. Everything I wanted, or could have ever imagined was right there.
I loved everything about Cassandra. The way she walked turned me the fuck on. Her eyes, her beautiful smile, the way she talked. Everything about her screamed,
“Whatever,” Bobby said. “You’ll get used to it.”
“What ever happened to the happily married man you used to be?” I asked more to keep him off me than anything else. Once Bobby gets on to something, there’s no stoppin’ him.
“Cat happened to him. That’s what happened,” Bobby said, talkin’ about the woman he had an affair with. “Since her, let’s call it, unfortunate incident, Pam hasn’t felt like having sex.”
“I didn’t know. I thought, you know, once she got out of the hospital that, you know, it would-.”
“I did too. But since it didn’t go that way, I gotta do what I gotta do. Now, I give ’em some money, bust a nut, and be back in time to pick the girls up from ballet.”
I started laughing so hard I didn’t notice that Bobby had started driving toward the Major Deegan like he was headed for the house. “Where you goin’?”
Bobby looked over at me and smiled. “Where you wanna go?”
“I hate people who answer questions with questions.”
“Just answer the damn question,” Bobby insisted.
“I was thinkin’ we could ride by Cynt’s,” I told him, knowing he’d be down for it and knowing I’d have to listen to him talk shit about it on the way.
Bobby made a U-turn in the middle of 233rd street. “I was hopin’ you’d say that. All that talk about ‘I don’t like rubbers’. Bullshit! I bet you used one on that Amazon Shy look alike!”
“You’re right, Bobby, I did.”
Her name was Maria Harrow and she dances at Cynt's where she goes by the name Mystique. She’d been dancing at Cynt's for years and I always marveled at how much she looked like Cassandra. The first time I saw Mystique wasn’t long after I met Cassandra. I was at Cynt’s with Bobby. We were at the bar talking to Sammy when something drew me like a magnet to the stage. I remember losing myself in the seductive manner that she moved her hips. The longer I stood there watching her, the more Mystique reminded me of Cassandra. I ended up giving her a hundred-dollar bill as a tip.
I ran into her about a month after Cassandra died. I had been in the city to talk to Wanda and was on my way back out to Bobby’s house, when I stopped to get some gas.
“Hey, Mike Black.”
I was startled when I looked in the direction of the voice and saw what looked like my wife sitting in the car across from me. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. At that time, I was having the dream all the time and it seemed so real. Like being awake without her was the nightmare that I just couldn’t wake up from; because it was. But that day, I thought I had really snapped until she got out of the car.
Mystique was bigger than Cassandra. Taller. Five-eleven maybe, heavier, but there’s not an ounce of fat on her. Her complexion, lips, facial structure, and her eyes; she had the same beautiful eyes. I wondered if Mystique and Cassandra could be sisters.
“Hey, how are you doin’, Mystique,” I said once I realized who she was, and more importantly, remembered what her name was.
We talked for a few minutes about the high price of gas and then about the run of nice weather we were having while she pumped her gas. “It has been nice for this time of year,” I commented.
“Oh, I want you to know that I was sorry to hear about your wife.”
“Thank you.” I never know what else to say.
“I never met her, but everybody says she was a special lady,” Mystique said.
“Thank you,” I said again, ‘cause I never know what else to say. “What about you? How you doin’?” I asked to change the subject.
“I’m okay. I’m startin’ to get a little work during the day as a personal trainer. Still dancin’ at Cynt's at night,” Mystique said and I noticed the size of the thighs she had poured into those jeans. “Haven’t seen you there in a while,” she said and returned the pump to its cradle.
“I haven’t been up there in years.”
“You should stop by some time and say hi to me,” Mystique said and got in her car.
“I will,” I promised and watched her drive off before I finished pumping my gas. Three nights later, me and Bobby were at Cynt's.
I lied and told myself that she wasn’t the reason I all of a sudden wanted to go to Cynt's, but she was. Mystique smiled at me when she saw me walking through the room and I pretended not to notice. The whole time I was talking to Cynt and Bobby, I watched her when I knew she wasn’t looking. I just wanted to watch her, watch her move, watch her talking and I thought about my baby. Even though it felt good, after a while, I felt childish and stupid for doing it, so I finally walked over to her.
“I see you finally made it over here to see me,” Mystique said and quickly dismissed the men that surrounded her.
“Yeah,” I said over the music.
“Well, I’m glad you did.” She quickly looped her arm in mine.
“I was gettin’ ready to go, but I wanted to holla at you like I said I would before I left,” I said in her ear.
She looked very disappointed. “Do you have to go?”
“Yeah, got some people I gotta see,” I lied, knowing that I had nobody to see and started moving toward the door. Well, I had promised Pam we’d be back before Michelle woke up screaming bloody murder, which usually happened around one o'clock. I looked at my watch; it was almost midnight.
Mystique kissed me on the cheek. “What was that for?”
“That’s to make you wanna come back when you got more time.” She kissed me on the other cheek and then Mystique went back to work.
I intentionally stayed away from there for the next three weeks, thinking about what I was doing. Thinking about what I was thinking about doing. I wasn’t in love with her or anything like that, but I was interested in her, and the only reason was because of who she reminded me of.
Was that wrong?
I didn’t know, and I convinced myself that I didn’t care. I mean, it wasn’t like I was interested in developing a
