A door opened up down the hallway and a girl with bushy, brown hair and large round glasses stared at me, and then quickly slammed her door shut. I heard the lock click behind her. She was easily startled and frightened. She must be someone truly suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD as they referred to it here. I stared at the other closed doors wondering if everyone on this hall had the same disorder. If so it was going to be loud at night with the screaming caused by nightmares.
I walked down the stairs to the main living area, or what they referred to as the Great Room. It was where the televisions played sitcoms and board games were set up on tables. There were no computers or internet available for patients. A nurse smiled at me brightly as she walked by with a basket full of snack foods.
“We’ll be eating our afternoon snack soon. Hang around in here and you can get something to eat and meet some of the other patients. We have several your age.” Meeting teenagers with psychiatric disorders wasn’t really appealing to me. But I didn’t say anything. Instead, I walked to the double glass doors leading out onto the front deck.
“You won’t be able to open them. They lock them. You know, for us crazies who may take a wild notion to see if we can fly. Although, I figure the sand isn’t going to kill us when we hit.” I turned around to see a young girl with bleached blond hair that I guessed was probably shoulder length. She had it pulled up in piggy tales on top of her head. She wore bright red lipstick, which stood out against her pale skin.
“Thanks.”
She shrugged. “No problem. If you want to go outside and enjoy the beach you can get a nurse to go with you. They like having an excuse to go outside.” I remembered the lady outside earlier feeding the birds. She’d been alone.
I didn’t really want to know who she was so I again nodded and said, “Thanks.” She tilted her thin face from side to side and acted as if she was examining something rather dramatically.
“You aren’t a mental, are you?” I hadn’t expected this strange girl to make such an accurate observation. After all, the doctors all believed I needed help. I shrugged, unsure how to respond.
“Well, they seem to think I am.”
She raised the dark eyebrows she’d left out of the bleaching. “They can be wrong. They have been before.” I wondered if she was referring to herself. I glanced over at the nurse who sat behind a desk working on a laptop. She didn’t seem to react to the accusation that they had people in here who didn’t belong. “Karen knows it’s true. She just won’t admit it. Will you Nurse Karen?” The blond was grinning at the nurse, who glanced up and rolled her eyes affectionately and went back to typing. “She knows it but she’s too busy on Twitter to admit it.”
The nurse reached over and patted the stack of papers she had beside her before glancing back up at the blond again. “I’m plugging in meds and test results.”
“Blah, blah, blah. Don’t let her fool you, she’s a Twitter whore. On it all the fucking time.”
The nurse shot her warning glance. “Language please. You’ll lose ten more minutes from your room time if you aren’t careful.”
The blond shrugged and stared back at me. “Like I said, they aren’t always right around here. I can see it in your eyes. You’re very sane. You don’t have the demons in your eyes most of the people here do.” She stood up and stretched, showing a very pale, flat stomach. She had a large black bar through her belly button. “I’m Gee, by the way.” She held out her hand for me to shake and I went to return it and she jerked her hand away. “Rule number one, don’t shake anyone’s hands. This place is full of mentals.”
I smiled. “I take it you aren’t one of them.”
She let out a cackle of laughter. “Oh no, I’m as screwed up as they come.” She sauntered away and slapped the papers the nurse was working on as she walked by. “Don’t Tweet too much, Karen, it’s bad for the eyes. Gotta pull back off that shit.”
“Ten minutes, Gee,” the nurse said without looking up.
Gee glanced back at me and winked. “They don’t like dirty words so if you have a shitty mouth you need to reign it in.”
“Twenty minutes, Gee,” the nurse said again, still focused on the screen. Gee cackled with laughter again and headed back toward the dining room.
The nurse glanced up at me. “Gee is definitely a special case. You’ll learn to ignore her. It’s snack time in the dining hall if you want to go get something to eat and meet some other patients.”
I smiled. “Thank you, but I’m not real hungry. Can I just stay here and watch the television?” Nurse Karen nodded and went back to her work. I curled up in a chair and stared blankly at the television screen feeling lonelier than ever before.
Chapter Sixteen
The dining hall was a large room with five long tables that sat ten people each. A cafeteria-style buffet was set up where nurses filled the patients’ plates. This was the only room with large windows. The entire south wall was primarily several large picture windows overlooking the beach. I thanked the nurse as she handed me the bright red tray filled with macaroni and cheese, which appeared very edible, grilled chicken strips, a Caesar salad, green beans, a large wheat roll, and a small slice of some sort of custard I already knew I wouldn’t be trying. The tables closest to the windows seemed to be the popular ones as they were already filling up and a few patients were bickering over specific locations. I decided to sit at one of the tables away from the windows. I didn’t want to have to deal with sitting in someone's coveted seat. I took a plastic cup full of iced tea and turned toward the back row of tables.
“You prolly wanna go get yerself some of that sugah. That tea ain’t got no sweet in it and it is just nasty without it.” A girl with stringy, brown hair and big, brown, round eyes stood frowning at the cup in my hand. Her front teeth seemed to stick out a little and her nose was covered in freckles. She reminded me of someone you might find on a farm somewhere.
“Oh, um, thanks but I don’t drink sugar in my iced tea,” I explained and she snarled her nose.
“Ya must be a Floridian then. Ain’t figerd out why you people carry on as if ya from up north. Ya’ll are more suthurn than we are in Mississippi and we know iced tea needs sugah.”
I struggled to understand her accent but I smiled and turned back toward the table I’d been heading for when I noticed it now had two other occupants: the girl with the brown, bushy hair who had slammed the door and locked herself inside after seeing me earlier, and Gee. I faltered and wondered if maybe I should go sit at another table when Gee shot me a challenging grin. I figured I’d better stick to my plan. Gee expected me to go somewhere else and I didn’t want her thinking she scared me. I was a little surprised she was sitting with the jumpy girl. Gee didn’t seem like the kind of person a fearful, nervous person would be drawn to.
“Ya aint thinkin uh sittin over with those two, are ya?” the farm girl asked me.
I shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”
She chuckled. “Cause Gee is a nut case, that’s why. Straight looney toons, I tell ya.” I bit back a smile at the fact this place was for the mentally disturbed. Wasn’t everyone a little looney toons?
“Um, thanks, but I’ve met Gee and she seems fine.” The girl beside me stared at me as if studying me carefully.
“You ain’t a Schizo, too, are ya? ‘Cause I need to know. I ain’t comfertable round no Schizo’s.” I glanced back at Gee and wondered if that was what she was. Did she have Schizophrenia?
I shook my head. “No, I’m PTSD.”
She beamed. “Oh, good I can deal with that. Ya’ll are easy to handle. Me, I’m Bipolar. Mama had me brought in cause I tried to knock myself off a while back.”
I stiffened, looking at this friendly person with the innocent farm girl appearance, wondering how someone like her could attempt to end her life. “Why?” I heard myself ask.
She shrugged. “Sometimes I get so sad that it jest sounds good.” She said this with all seriousness and I shivered. I never realized there were kids my age who appeared normal but dealt with so much internally. I sat my tray down across from the bushy brunette. “Nice to talk to ya,” the farm girl said, smiling.
“Not going to sit near me, Henrietta? Why, Henrietta, I do believe my feelings are hurt. I may feel the need to cry right here in front of the whole damn cafeteria,” Gee said, smiling at the retreating form of the farm girl.
