despite the horrendous chances he had taken, he realized how little he had really learned.
Some forty-eight hours later, still weary and disheartened, he communicated his misgivings to Juanita.
8
Miles Elastin and Juanita had met on two earlier occasions during the month he had been working at the DoubleSeven Health Club.
The first time a few days after Juanita's evening ride with Nolan Wainwright and her agreement to act as intermediary had been an awkward, uncertain encounter for them both. Although a telephone had been instated promptly in Juanita's apartment, as Wainwright promised, Miles had not known about it and came unannounced, at night, having traveled there by bus. After a cautious inspection through the partially opened apartment door, Juanita had taken off the safety chain and let him in.
'Hugo,' Estela said. The small, dark child a miniature Juanita looked up from a coloring book, her large, liquid eyes regarding Miles. 'You're the thin man who came before. You're fatter now.'
'I know,' Miles said. 'I've been eating magic giant food.' '- Estela giggled, but Juanita was frowning. He told her apologetically, 'There was no way to warn you I was coming. But Mr. Wainwright said you'd be expecting me.' 'That hypocrite!' 'You don't like him?'
'I hate him.'
'He isn't my idea of Santa Claus,' Miles said. 'But I don't hate him either. I guess he has a job to do.' 'Then let him do it. Not make use of others.' 'If you feel so strongly, why did you agree…?'
Juanita snapped, 'Do you think I have not asked myself? Maldito sea el diva que lo conoc`. Making the promise that I did was an instant's foolishness, to be regretted.'
'There's no need to regret it. Nothing says you can't back down.' Miles's voice was gentle. 'I'll explain to Wainwright.' He made a move toward the door.
Juanita flared at him, 'And what of you? Where will you pass your messages?' She shook her head in exasperation. 'Were you insane when you agreed to such stupidity?'
'No,' Miles said. 'I saw it as a chance; in a way the only chance, but there's no reason it should involve you. When I suggested that it might, I hadn't thought it through. I'm sorry.' 'Mommy,' Estela said, 'why are you so angry?'
Juanita reached down and hugged her daughter. 'No te preocupes, mi cielo. I am angry at life, little one. At what people do to each other.' She told Miles abruptly, 'Sit, sit!' 'You're sure?'
'Sure of what? That you should sit down? No, I am not even sure of that. But do ill' He obeyed her.
'I like your temper, Juanita.' Miles smiled, and for a moment, she thought, he looked the way he used to at the bank. He went on, 'I like that and other things about you. If you want the truth, the reason I suggested this arrangement was that it would mean I'd have to see you.'
'Well, now you have.' Juanita shrugged. 'And I suppose you will again. So make your secret agent's report and I will give it to Mr. Spider Wainwright, spinning webs.'
'My report is that there isn't any report. At least, not yet.' Miles told her about the Double-Seven Health Club, the way it looked and smelled, and saw her nose wrinkle in distaste. He described, too, his encounter with Jules LaRooca, then the meeting with the loan shark, Russian Ominsky, and Miles's employment as the health dub bookkeeper. At that point, when Miles had worked at the Double-Seven only a few days, that was all he knew. 'But I'm in,' he assured Juanita 'That was what Mr. Wainwright wanted.'
'Sometimes it is easy to get in,' she said. 'As with a lobster trap, getting out is harder.' lintels had listened gravely. Now she asked Miles, 'Will you come again?'
'I don't know.' He glanced inquiringly at Juanita who surveyed them both, then sighed. 'Yes, amorcito,' she told Estela. 'Yes, he will come.'
Juanita went into the bedroom and returned with the two envelopes Nolan Wainwright had given her. She handed them to Miles. 'These are for you.'
The larger envelope contained money, the other the Keycharge credit card in the fictitious name of H. E. LINCOLP. She explained the purpose of the card a signal for help.
Miles pocketed the plastic credit card but replaced the money in the first envelope and gave it back to Juanita. 'You take this. If I'm seen with it, someone might become suspicious. Use it for yourself and Estela. I owe it to you.'
Juanita hesitated. Then, her voice softer than before, she said, 'I will keep it for you.'
Next day, at First Mercantile American Bank, Juanita had called Wainwright on an internal telephone and made her report. She was careful not to identify by name either herself, Miles, or the DoubleSeven Health Club. Wainwright listened, thanked her, and that was all
The second encounter between Juanita and Miles occurred a week and a half later, on Saturday afternoon.
This time Miles had telephoned in advance and when he arrived both Juanita and Estela seemed pleased to see him. They were about to go shopping and he joined them, the three browsing through an open-air market where Juanita bought Polish sausage and cabbage. She told him, 'It is for our dinner. Will you stay?'
He assured her he would, adding that he need not return to the health club until late that night, or even the following morning
While they walked, Estela said suddenly to Miles, I like you.' She slipped her tiny hand into his and kept it there. Juanita, when she noticed, smiled.
Through dinner there was an easy camaraderie. Then Estela went to bed, kissing Miles good night, and when he and Juanita were alone he recited his report for Nolan Wainwright. They were seated, side by side, on the sofa bed. Turning to him when he had finished, she said, 'If you wish, you may stay here tonight.'
'Last time I did, you slept in there.' He motioned to the bedroom.
'This time I will be here. Estela sleeps soundly. We shall not be disturbed.'
He reached for Juanita and she came to him eagerly. Her lips, slightly parted, were warm, moist, and sensual, as if a foretaste of still sweeter things to come. Her tongue danced and delighted him. Holding her, he could hear her breathing quicken and felt the small, slim girl-woman body quiver with pent-up passion, responding fiercely to his own. As they drew closer and his hands began exploring, Juanita sighed deeply, savoring the waves of pleasure now, anticipating her ecstasy ahead. It had been a long time since any man had taken her. She made clear she was excited, urgent, waiting. Impatiently they opened the sofa bed.
What followed next was a disaster. Miles had wanted Juanita with his mind and he believed his body. But when the moment came in which a man must prove himself, his body failed to function as it should. Despairingly, he strained, concentrated, closed his eyes and wished, but nothing changed. What should have been a young man's ardent, rigid sword was flaccid, ineffectual. Juanita tried to soothe and aid him. 'Stop worrying, Miles darling, and be patient. Let me help, and it win happen.'
They tried, and tried again. In the end, it was no use. Miles lay back, ashamed and close to tears. He knew, unhappily, that behind his impotence was the awareness of his homosexuality in prison. He had believed, and hoped, it would not inhibit him with a woman, but it had. Miles concluded miserably: Now he knew for sure what he had feared. He was no longer a man. At last, weary, unhappy, unfulfilled, they slept.
In the night Milw awoke, tossed restlessly for a while, and then got up. Juanita heard him and switched on a light beside the sofa bed. She asked, 'What is it now?' 'I was thinking,' he said. 'And couldn't sleep.' 'thinking of what?'
It was then he told her sitting upright, his head turned partially away so as not to meet Juanita's eyes; told her the totality of his experience in prison, beginning with the gang rape; then his 'boy friend' relationship with Karl as a means of self-protection; the sharing of the big black man's cell; the homosexuality continuing, and Miles beginning to enjoy it. He spoke of his ambivalent feelings about Karl, whose kindness and gentleness Miles still remembered with… affection?… love? Even now he wasn't sure.
It was at that point Juanita stopped him. 'No morel I have heard enough. It makes me sick.' He asked her, 'How do you think I feel?'
'No quiero- saber. I neither know nor care.' All the horror and disgust she felt was in her voice. As soon as it was light, he dressed and left.
Two weeks later. Again a Saturday afternoon the best time, Miles had discovered, for him to slip away unnoticed from the health club. He was still tired from his nerve-straining trip to Louisville the night before last, and dispirited at his lack of progress.
