“I like your brother,” he said, unaware that I was breathing him in. “It irks me, though, seeing him treat you like you’re the same kid you were when he left. My older brother does that to me. Makes me want to pound him.”
“Mmmm.” I let the weight of our bodies slide us together a little bit more, thinking it suspicious that he was saying all the right things. “Robbie moved out when I was thirteen. He hasn’t had the chance to see me as a grown-up.” Our arms touched as I turned the page, but he didn’t seem to notice. “And then I go and put myself in the hospital the week he comes for a visit. Really good, huh?”
Marshal laughed, then peered more closely at the text describing how to make bubbles last till sunrise, and I felt better as he saw that not all curses were bad. I suppose you could make them appear in someone’s lungs and suffocate them, but you could also entertain children.
“Thanks for coming with me to my mom’s,” I said softly, watching him, not the curses he was flipping through. “I don’t think I could have taken sitting there all night and listening to Cindy this, Cindy that, followed by the inevitable, ‘And when are you going to get a steady boyfriend, Rachel?’”
“Moms are like that,” he said in a preoccupied tone. “She just wants you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” I said sourly, and Marshal chuckled, probably trying to memorize the curse to turn water into wine. Good for parties, but he wouldn’t be able to invoke it, lacking the right enzymes in his blood. I could, though.
Sighing, I pushed the book entirely onto his lap and dragged a new one onto mine. It was cold up here, but I didn’t want to go downstairs and risk waking up four dozen pixies. Am I jealous that Robbie seems to have everything? Has it so easy?
“You know,” Marshal said, not looking up from the book he was searching for me, “we don’t have to keep things the way they are…with us, I mean.”
I stiffened. Marshal must have felt it, seeing as our shoulders were touching. I didn’t say anything, and emboldened by my lack of a negative response, he added, “I mean, last October, I wasn’t ready for anyone new in my life, but now-”
My breath caught, and Marshal cut his thought short. “Okay,” he said, sliding to put space between us. “Sorry. Forget I said anything. I’m lousy at body language. My bad.”
My bad? When did anyone ever say my bad anymore? But letting this go without saying anything was easier said than done, especially when I’d been thinking the same thing off and on in stupid-Rachel moments for weeks. So licking my lips, I said carefully to the book on my lap, “I’ve had fun with you, these last couple of months.”
“It’s okay, Rachel,” he interrupted, edging farther down the long fainting couch. “Forget I said anything. Hey, I’ll just go, okay?”
My pulse quickened. “I’m not asking you to leave. I’m saying I’ve had fun with you. I was hurting then. I still am, but I’ve laughed a lot, and I like you.” He looked up, slightly red-faced and with his brown eyes holding a new vulnerability. My mind went back to me sitting on the kitchen floor with no one to pick me up. I took a deep breath, scared. “I’ve been thinking, too.”
Marshal exhaled, as if a knot had untwisted in him. “When you were in the hospital,” he said quickly, “God help me, but I suddenly saw what we’d been doing the last couple of months, and something hurt me.”
“It didn’t feel that good to be there,” I quipped.
“And then Jenks told me you collapsed in your kitchen,” he added with a worried sincerity. “I know you can take care of yourself and that you’ve got Ivy and Jenks-”
“The line ripped through my aura,” I explained. “It hurt.” My mind jerked back to my jealousy when I sat all night beside Marshal and listened to Robbie go on about Cindy, almost glowing. Why couldn’t I have some stability like that?
Marshal shifted to take my hand, the space between us looking larger for it. “I like you, Rachel. I mean, I really like you,” he said, almost scaring me. “Not because you’ve got sexy legs and know how to laugh, or because you get excited in chase scenes, and take the time to help get a puppy out of a tree.”
“That was really weird, wasn’t it?”
His fingers tightened on mine, drawing my gaze down. “Jenks said you thought you were alone and you might do something stupid trying to rescue that ghost.”
At that, I gave up on all pretense of levity. “I’m not alone.” Maybe Mia was right, but I didn’t want her to be. Even if I was, I could still stand alone. I’d done it all my life and I could do it well. But I didn’t want to. I shivered, from the cold or the conversation, and Marshal frowned.
“I don’t want to ruin what we have,” Marshal said, his voice soft in the absolute stillness of a winter’s afternoon. He slowly slid closer, and I set the book on my lap on the floor to lean up against his side, testing the feeling though I was stiff and uncertain, trying it on. It felt like it fit, which worried me. “Maybe friends is enough,” he added, as if really considering it. “I’ve never had as good a relationship with a woman as I’ve got with you, and I’m just smart enough, and old enough, and tired enough to let it ride as it is.”
“Me, too,” I said, almost disappointed. I shouldn’t be resting against him, leading him on. I was a danger to everyone I liked, but the Weres had backed off, and the vamps. I’d get Al to see reason. I didn’t want Jenks to be right about me chasing the unattainable as an excuse to be alone. I had a great relationship with Marshal right now. Just because it wasn’t physical didn’t make it any less real. Or did it? I wanted to care about someone. I wanted to love someone, and I didn’t want to be afraid to. I didn’t want to let Mia win.
“Marshal, I still don’t know if I’m ready for a boyfriend.” Reaching out, I touched the short hair behind his ear, heart pounding. I’d spent so much effort trying to convince myself that he was off limits, that just that small motion seemed erotic. He didn’t move, and my hand drifted down until my fingers brushed his collar, a whisper from touching his skin. A small spot of feeling grew, and I drew my gaze back to his. “But I’d like to see if I am. If you do…”
His hand came up to pin mine against his shoulder, not binding but promising more. His free hand dropped lower, suggestively crossing the invisible boundary of my defenses and retreating to give me his answer. That we’d spent the last two months keeping our distance made that simple move surprisingly intense.
Marshal reached to tilt my head up to his, and I let my head move easily in his grip, turning to face him. His fingers were warm on my jawline as he searched my gaze, weighing my words against his own worries. I shivered in the chill. “You sure?” he said. “I mean, we can’t go back.”
He had already seen the crap of my life, and he hadn’t left. Did it matter if this didn’t last forever if it gave me peace right now? “No, I’m not sure,” I whispered, “but if we wait until we are, neither of us will find anyone.”
That seemed to give him a measure of assurance, and I closed my eyes as he gently turned my face to his and tentatively kissed me, tasting of sugar and doughnuts. Feeling raced through me, heat from wanting something I said I never would pursue. His hand pulled me closer, and the slip of a tongue sent a dart of desire to my middle. Oh God, it felt good, and my mind raced as fast as my heart.
I didn’t want this to be a mistake. I’d been with him for two months and proved neither of us was here for the physical stuff. So why not see if it worked?
Tension plinked through me, sharpening my thoughts and arraying an almost-forgotten possibility before me. Despite-or maybe because of-our platonic relationship, I wasn’t ready to sleep with him. That would be just too weird, and Jenks would tell me I was overcompensating for something. But he was a ley line witch-I wasn’t a slouch either-and though the age-old technique of drawing energy from one witch to another probably had its origins in our ancestral past to assure that strong witches procreated with strong witches to promote species strength, nowadays all that remained was insanely good foreplay. There was only one problem.
“Wait,” I said, breathless as our kiss broke and reason filtered back into me.
Marshal’s fingers slowed and dropped. “You’re right. I should go. Dumb idea. I’ll, uh, call you if you want. In about a year, maybe.”
He sounded embarrassed, and I put a hand on his arm. “Marshal.” Looking up, I shifted closer until our thighs touched. “Don’t go.” I swallowed hard. “I, uh, I haven’t been with a witch in ages,” I said in a small voice, unable to look up. “One who could pull on a line, I mean. I’d kind of like to…you know. But I don’t know if I remember how.”
His eyes widened as he understood, and his chagrin at my supposed rebuff was pushed out by something deeper, older: the question our DNA had written that begged to be answered. Who was the more proficient witch, and how much fun could we have finding that out?
“Rachel!” he said, his soft laugh turning me warm. “You don’t forget stuff like that.”
