I didn’t like what I was hearing, but figuring he was right, I looked up at him. My face was twisted and ugly, but that’s how I felt.
“She wants to be closer to Takata,” he said, and I puffed in disgust. Sure, bring him into it. “She wants to be closer to Takata, and Takata can’t live in Cincinnati,” he said persuasively. “She doesn’t have any friends here. Not really. And thanks to you, she can’t sell her charms-now that you’ve been shunned.”
Shock washed cold through me, and my expression blanked. “Y-you know about that?”
His eyes dropped from mine, then returned. “I was with her when we found out. They won’t sell to her anymore, won’t buy. She may as well be shunned herself.”
“That’s not fair.” My stomach was hurting, and I held it.
Turning sideways, Robbie put one hand on his hip, the other on his forehead. “For Christ’s sake, Rachel. You’ve been shunned?”
Embarrassed, I dropped back. “I-I didn’t know they would…,” I stammered, then realizing he had turned the tables on me, I lifted my chin. “Yes. Because I talk to demons.”
Robbie sucked his teeth and looked at my demon-scarred wrist.
“Okay,” I admitted. “And maybe make deals with them when I’m forced into it. And I’ve spent some time in the ever-after. More than most.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And a demon prison,” I added, feeling a twinge of guilt. “But it was a run for Trent Kalamack. He was there, too. No one got mad at him.”
“Anything else?” he mocked.
Wincing, I said, “You saw the news, huh?” The agony of my defeat, or in my case, being dragged down the street on my ass by a demon, had been worked into their opening credits.
Robbie’s anger vanished in an amused snort. “That must have hurt.”
I smiled, but it faded fast. “Not as bad as what you’re doing to me does.”
He sighed and nudged the box closer to the hole in the floor. “There isn’t anything here for her, Rachel.”
My pique came back. “There’s me.”
“Yeah, but thanks to your mess-ups, she can’t make a living anymore.”
“Damn it, Robbie,” I swore. “I didn’t want this to happen! If she leaves, I don’t have anyone.”
He edged to the stairway. “You’ve got your friends,” he said, head down and shoving the box with his foot across the plywood floor to the door.
“Friends you’ve made abundantly clear you don’t approve of.”
“So make new ones.”
So make new ones, I mocked in my thoughts. Bothered, I went to get the last box of stuffed animals I’d named after dead or dying friends. There were so many of them. My thoughts went to Marshal, then Pierce. How was I going to tell Marshal I’d been shunned? So much for that friendship. I never should have done a power pull with him.
Robbie lifted the second box. “You need to change something.”
The scent of dust was thick as I took a breath to protest. “Like what? I try. I try damn hard, but there isn’t anyone decent who can survive the crap my life can turn into.”
Again Robbie’s long face went hard, and he started down the stairs. “That is an excuse. You’ve been shunned, and you’re hurting Mom. This goes deeper than who your friends are. On second thought, maybe that’s all there is to it.”
“You leave Ivy and Jenks out of this,” I snapped, my worry for Ivy coming out as a hot anger. “They have more courage in one day then you will have in your entire life!”
Robbie’s attention came up, and he scowled at me, his head just above the floor. “Grow up,” he said. “Burn your demon books and get a real job. If you don’t start thinking inside the box, you’re going to end up in one.”
Angry, I shifted the toys to my hip. “You are a piece of work. You know that? You don’t know anything. You have no idea what I’ve done or what I’m capable of. And that comes at a cost. Nothing is free. I’ll tell you what. You just take Mom and fly on back to your safe girlfriend, in your safe house, in your safe trendy neighborhood, and live your safe, predictable life and have safe, predictable kids, and die a safe, worthless death after doing absolutely nothing with your safe life. I’m going to stay here and do some good, because that’s what people do when they are alive and not just going through the motions. I am not going to find myself on my deathbed, wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t played it safe!”
My brother’s face darkened. He took a breath to say something, then changed his mind. Sliding the waiting box into his arms, he descended the stairway.
“Thanks a hell of a lot, Robbie,” I muttered. “Look at me. I’m shaking. I come over here for lunch, and now I’m shaking.”
I headed for the stairway with my last box of dead friends. I could hear Robbie and my mother talking, but not their words. Halfway down the ladder, I stopped. My head even with the floor, I took one last look. The book I wanted wasn’t up here. Robbie had it, and damn it, he wasn’t going to give it to me. Maybe I could find something online. It wasn’t the safest thing to do, but seeing it might trigger my memory enough that I could reconstruct it.
Knees watery, I descended into the green hallway backward off the ladder, almost backing up into my mom.
“Oh crap!” I stammered, knowing by her miserable expression she had heard everything. “I’m sorry, Mom. Don’t listen to me. I’m just mad at him. I didn’t mean it. You should go to Portland. Be with Takata, ah, Donald.”
My mom’s misery shifted to teary-eyed surprise at the pop star’s real name. “He told you his name?”
I smiled back, though I was really upset. “Yeah. After I punched him.”
The thump of the back door closing made me jump. It was Robbie going out to cool off. Whatever. “I’m sorry,” I muttered as I edged by her and headed for the kitchen. “I’ll apologize. It’s no wonder he lives on the other side of the continent.”
My mom closed the attic door with a bang. “We need to talk, Rachel,” she said over her shoulder as she went in the opposite direction, to my old room.
Sighing, I came to a halt on the green carpet, depressed as she disappeared into my room. My head was starting to hurt, but I shifted the box on my hip and resolutely followed her, ready for the coming lecture. I hadn’t meant to get into a fight with Robbie. But he’d ticked me off, and things needed to be said. Things like “Where in hell is my book?”
But when I entered my old room to find my dad’s stuff piled up on my bed, I froze.
“This is for you,” she said, gesturing to the dusty boxes. “If you want it. Robbie-” She took a slow breath and put a hand to her forehead briefly. “Robbie thinks I should throw it away, but I can’t. There’s too much of your dad in them.”
I set the box of stuffed animals down, feeling guilty. “Thank you. Yes, I’d like it.” I swallowed hard, and seeing her distress, I blurted, “Mom, I’m sorry I was shunned. It’s not fair! They’re being stupid, but maybe I should just drop it all and walk away.”
She sat on the bed, not looking at me. “No. You shouldn’t. But you do need to find a way to get your shunning removed. For all your rebel tendencies, you’re not cut out for living outside society. You like people too much. I heard what you told Robbie. He’s scared that he’s a coward when he sees you live by your own convictions, so he yells at you to be safer.”
I came close and shoved a box over so I could sit beside her. “I shouldn’t have said that,” I admitted. “And I really think you should go out to…Portland.” My mouth felt nasty saying it, and I got depressed. “Maybe…” I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Maybe I should just scrap the whole thing. They might take the shunning off if I walked away from everything.”
But I’d have to leave Ivy and Jenks, and I can’t do that.
My mom’s eyes were bright when she took my hand. “I’m going. And you’re staying. But I’m not leaving you here alone.”
I stifled a wince as I thought of her matchmaking attempts, and as I took a breath to protest, she handed me a smooth, shiny textbook. “Is this the one you’re looking for?” she said softly.
My mouth dropped open, and I stared. Arcane Divination and Cross-Tangential Science, volume nine. That was
