'Yeah, listen-'
'Don't come home,' she said in a whisper. 'The police are here-' Her voice broke off. I heard a scuffle. In the background I could still hear her telling me not to come home, but yelling now. Then a man's voice said, 'Listen, Jones, the best thing you can do-'
I hung up, hurried out of the joint without looking to right or left. So the L.A. cops were already looking for me; that meant I'd have to keep out of public places. I began feeling pressed, trapped, conspicuous. I turned around, started to go back to the filling station at Fifty-fourth and try to get some gas on credit, then remembered that my ration book was at home. Every time I passed a car I drew up into a knot inside. I felt as though I were driving around a hook-and-ladder truck.
Finally I remembered a woman I knew who lived on Crocker. She worked in private family but was off on Thursday nights and she might be home. She had a couple of roomers, but they'd either be asleep or out and I had to take that chance.
I drove over to Crocker, pulled up far enough in the driveway beside the house so the car couldn't be spotted from down the street, got out, and knocked at her window. There was no answer at first and I knocked again. A female voice said, 'Who is it?'
'It's me, Bob, Hazel,' I lisped. 'I'm in a little trouble and I want to use your phone.'
'You don't sound like Bob,' she said sceptically. 'What's the matter with your voice?'
'I got some teeth knocked out,' I lisped.
'Oh!' Then she said, 'What kinda trouble? You ain't stole nothing, have you?'
'No, I hit a peck with my tyre iron,' I lied. 'The police are looking for me.'
She was silent for a moment. 'All right, come around to the back door.'
I went around the yard, felt the cool damp grass on my stocking feet. She opened the door into the kitchen without turning on the lights. In the darkness she was just a big vague shape.
'I oughtn'ta be doing this,' she grumbled. 'No telling what kinda trouble you might be getting me into.'
'I won't be long,' I promised.
'You know where the phone is.' Then after a moment she asked, 'You ain't killed nobody?'
'No, he's not bad hurt.'
She paused for a moment to look at me in the darkness, then asked, 'What you doing with all them bandages on your head? Somebody beat you up?'
'The police.' I lied.
'Oh!' She started away, stopped. 'Don't bother 'bout the door when you go out.'
The phone was in the kitchen, I dialled Alice in the dark. She answered the phone herself; she had an extension in her room and always answered calls after midnight.
'It's Bob,' I lisped. 'I'm-'
She cut me off immediately. 'If you're drunk, Bob, I don't want to talk to you. We waited dinner for an hour-'
'I'm not drunk,' I cut her off. 'I got some teeth knocked out. I'm in trouble. And I'm in a hurry-'
'What sort of trouble?' Her voice was sharp, anxious.
'I got in a jam at the yard,' I lisped, talking low so Hazel wouldn't hear.
'Talk louder,' she said. 'I can't hear you.'
'I got in some trouble at the yard,' I said, talking louder. 'I got messed up with that white woman I had the argument with and she's charging me with rape-'
'Rape!' Her voice was shocked, incredulous.
'Look, I can't explain now. I'm in an awful hurry,' I said. 'The police are looking for me. I didn't do it-you know that-but I'll have to explain when I see you.'
'Oh, Bob, you would have to get into something like that,' she said. Her voice sounded tearful.
'I tell you I haven't done anything,' I said impatiently. 'But nobody will believe it. Right now I've got to get away. What I want is to get whatever money you have on hand-and your car. I can't use mine and I can't go home to get any money-the police are there. I'll drive over to Western and-'
'But if you haven't done anything, why do you have to run away-'
'I told you, they're charging me-'
'But this sounds foolish. No one can just be charged- What can they do?'
'They can put me in the pen for thirty years,' I said. 'Look, let me explain when I see you-'
'But if you're innocent the worst thing you can do is run away.'
'Listen,' I began. 'You don't understand. I didn't do anything, but I can't prove it. I was in the room with the woman when she started screaming-'
'Screaming!' She got shocked all over again. 'Did you assault her-physically, I mean?'
'I can't explain now,' I said again. 'It just happened I got caught with her and she started hollering, 'Rape.' I'll tell you about it-'
'But I won't help you run away,' she cut in, getting her Americanism to working. 'That doesn't make any sense. I'll engage Blakely Moore to defend you. If you're innocent, Bob, you'll be acquitted. You forget there are laws. A person just can't charge you with a crime you haven't committed.'
'Look, Alice, this is serious,' I said. 'This isn't just talk any more. I don't expect you to keep our engagement. That's off, of course. But I need some help. I know what I'm doing. You're still talking in the air. But I know if I go before trial I'll be convicted. I know I haven't got a chance. I'm telling you-'
'But you can't know that if you are innocent,' she argued.
'Okay, I don't know it, but that isn't the point right now.' My mouth felt sore and ragged and I was at the end of my patience. 'The point is will you let me have some money and your car? I've got to get away. After I'm gone you can have Moore investigate-'
'If I thought it was for your own good I wouldn't hesitate,' she said. 'But I know it isn't. You're excited and frightened and aren't thinking straight. This is the state of California-I was born here. Why can't you be sensible for once-give yourself up and I will bring Blake down with me the first thing-'
'Will you do it or won't you?' I cut in.
'No, I won't,' she said. 'I'll do anything else-within reason. But I won't help you escape. If you're innocent you have nothing to fear. I'll fight it through the courts with you until-'
I hung up, sat there for a moment, debating whether to call Hazel again and get what money she had. Finally I decided against it. It might get her into trouble.
All of a sudden my body began shaking; I began going hot and cold all over as if I had chilblains. I peered around in the darkness to see if she had anything to drink out there, found a pint bottle half full of some kind of whisky. I tilted it to my mouth, drank, swallowed, choked, then drank again. Then I remembered my pills. I shook some of them loose in my palm, I don't know how many, got a half glass of water at the sink, washed them down.
I heard motor sounds outside, thought it might be the police, ran out the back door across the yard to the fence separating the properties, ready to jump over and run through to the other street. The car passed. I went around, got into my car, backed into the street.
Instinct carried me over toward Central, into the heart of the ghetto. I parked in a dark spot in the middle of the block back of the Dunbar Hotel. I hadn't felt any pain before I'd telephoned Alice, but now I ached in every joint.
The bandages had fallen from my knees, had worked off my elbows. I pulled up my coverall legs, fingered the lacerated kneecaps. I must have landed on my knees when I fell off the jack ladder. Then I groped around underneath the seat on the floor until I found my first-aid kit, felt for the bottle of mercurochrome, slowly and painstakingly painted the lacerated spots. When my eyes became more accustomed to the darkness I wrapped fresh bandages about my knees, taped them, tried to bandage my elbows again but couldn't make it.
As long as I'd kept moving my mind had remained concentrated on the action. But now a dull hopelessness settled over it, an untempered futility. I felt pressed, cornered, black, as small and weak and helpless as any Negro share-cropper facing a white mob in Georgia. I felt without soul, without mind, at the very end. Everything was useless, fight was useless, nothing I could do would make any difference now. I switched on the ignition, looked at the gas. It was on 'Empty'-I didn't know how long it had been there. I didn't want to get into some white neighbourhood and run out of gas. If I had to be caught I'd rather be caught right there in the heart of the Negro
