incredibly tranquil to have him sing me to sleep.
“But they’ll have to eventually.”
“But she’s not ready for it,” Jack grumbled. “He’s not ready for it.”
“You’re not ready for it,” Ezra countered. Ready for what? Me to die?
Nobody should be ready for that. Tell him, Jack!
“Maybe not,” Jack relented. “But he feels too conflicted for anything to work. He’s sending her mixed messages, and he’s just making everything harder on her than it needs to be. I mean, you saw her today.”
“It’s incredibly painful, rejecting it.” Ezra was calmly explaining to Jack, and I didn’t understand it at all. Rejecting what? Me? Killing me? What?! “And Peter’s showing a tremendous will just going against it, but eventually, he’ll give in. It’s impossible. Whatever pain he thinks he’s avoiding, this is far worse.”
“How do you know?” Jack asked him suspiciously. “You never rejected it.”
“I did at first,” Ezra said, then backtracked. “Well, not really. I just didn’t understand what it was at first, and I tried to ignore it, and that was brutal. And I saw Peter after what happened with Alice.”
“And?” Jack pressed Ezra when he didn’t say anything, and I was forever indebted to him. I was dying to know what Peter had been like after I left, but of course, I couldn’t ask.
“Its sheer torture denying it,” Ezra replied thickly.
“How much longer will this go on?” Jack asked quietly, and I couldn’t help but notice a hint of sadness in his voice.
“Not much longer.” Ezra breathed deeply. “We’ll just have to keep an eye on both of them.”
“Ezra!” Mae called from another room, sounding farther away than them.
“Come here! Milo’s beat me at chess twice already! You’ve got to try against him! He’s amazing!”
“I’ll be right there!” Ezra shouted back to her, then spoke quieter to Jack.
“You understand?”
“Yeah,” Jack said reluctantly.
I didn’t hear Ezra’s footfalls when he walked away, but that didn’t surprise me. I saw Jack’s silhouette appear in the doorway, and I quickly closed my eyes to pretend like I was sleeping. Matilda whimpered as he walked past her, and he patted her head before sitting on the couch next to me. As soon as I felt the couch moved, I stirred like I was just waking up.
“Did you sleep okay?” Jack asked.
“Yeah,” I nodded and moved so I was sitting on my knees facing him. My voice sounded thick, and it was because I was fighting off tears, but I hoped he would think it was just because I was tired.
“Hey are you okay?” Jack sounded sad and worried. My eyes were starting to adjust to the dark, and I could just map out the concerned expression on his face.
“Yeah, just tired.”
“I gathered that when you just passed out.” He was trying to keep his tone light, but he was struggling. What Ezra had told him had gotten to him too.
When he felt anxious and worried, I felt it even worse. It wouldn’t be much longer before I started to cry.
“You sound upset,” I commented.
“Nah, I’m fine,” Jack insisted, shaking his head in the darkness.
“Jack, just promise me that I’ll be okay. You know I’ll believe anything you say, so just promise me that everything will be okay.” My voice sounded more nervous than I would’ve liked.
“I know you can’t understand right now, but you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Then he put his arm around me and roughly pulled me close to him. I rested my head on his chest, and he rested his chin on the top of my head. “I’m just upset because I care about you too much. The problem’s me, not you. You are gonna be better than fine. I promise.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand.” He stroked my hair, and I moved my head on his chest. Then I realized something odd. “I can’t hear your heart beat.”
“Just listen harder,” Jack suggested. Pressing my ear closer to his chest, I listened hard, and sure enough, there it was. But it was very faint and incredibly slow. I wasn’t timing it, but it couldn’t have been beating more than ten or twenty times a minute.
“It’s so slow!” I jerked my head back so I could look at him. “Are you okay? You’re not having a heart attack are you?”
“No,” Jack laughed, this time sounding more like himself. “That’s just the way my heart beats.”
171
“But that’s not the way hearts are supposed to beat.” I furrowed my brow, trying to understand. “That’s not how my heart beats.”
“I know.” He was mildly amused, but my confusion always seemed to entertain him. “I can hear your heartbeat.”
“How? You’re way over there.” He was actually sitting right next to me, but he was still too far away to hear my heartbeat. “You’re hearing isn’t that good.”
“It is for this one thing.” He reached out and put his hand gingerly on my throat.
At first, I didn’t understand what he was doing, but then I felt his thumb stroking my jugular vein. He was feeling my pulse, and a look of sheer pleasure passed across his face. A warm hunger radiated from him that I didn’t grasp.
“Jack!” Ezra’s voice broke into the room, and Jack instantly dropped his hand, as if he had been caught with his hand up my shirt instead of on my throat. “Its late. Milo’s tired. Maybe you should take them home. Unless you don’t feel up to it yourself. In which case, I’d be more than happy-”
“No, I’ve got it,” Jack replied gruffly and stood up.
Ezra gave Jack a disapproving look as we walked out of the living room, but Jack refused to look at him. For me, Ezra gave a reassuring smile and said he hoped that I would come back soon. Mae hugged me tightly at the door, but she hugged Milo even tighter. During the car ride home, Milo rattled on endlessly about what an amazing house Jack had and how great Mae was and all the fun things he’d done while I had been asleep. I rested my head against the cold glass of the window, and found that for once, I had very little to say.
I still didn’t know what Jack and his family were, but they definitely couldn’t be trusted. Peter wanted to hate me because for some reason, he was going to have to kill me. The reason he was being rude to me and keeping me at a distance was because he didn’t want to hurt me. He was trying to protect me.
Despite this, I loved Jack and Mae and even Ezra, and there was definitely something strong I felt for Peter. Even believing that they were going to kill me, I still felt like they really loved me too. And I knew that if being with them meant that I would die, I would still see them again. It would be worse to live without them.
When Milo and I went up to our apartment, I still felt dazed. I knew that part of it was coming to terms with my impending death, but most of it was just an after effect of being with Peter. He was like a drug, and I was still coming down from the high. I flopped down on the couch while Milo buzzed about the kitchen. Being over there had the opposite effect on him, and he was totally energized.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Milo asked from the kitchen. I heard pots and things banging, but I just buried myself deeper into the couch. “I’m starving. You know what’s weird? We were over them from five o’clock at night until after two in the morning, and I never once saw them eat or drink anything. In fact, when I wanted something to drink, Mae had to rummage around the kitchen for a glass and some water. You know, I don’t even think they have any food in that house.
They must order a lot of take out. Which is weird cause Mae really seems like the Suzie Homemaker type.”
Milo continued to ramble on but I was starting to drift to sleep. But then it all clicked. Everything that he said compared with everything that I already knew about Jack and Peter. I understood fully what they were. But before I could actually manifest the word and put it all together, I fell asleep, and lost it entirely.
Chapter 9
