that she’d never really have an empty nest, although she’d never exactly have a full one either. It was obvious that she played mother and nursemaid to the boys, but in reality, they were grown men and actually needed very little of her. The great appeal of me was that I was very fragile and dependant, and on top of that, a girl. For her, I was some kind of enchanted doll, and that explained the great deal of time she spent playing with my hair.
“I still need to make you supper!” Mae burst into life and rushed over to the stove. Fortunately, she had yet to actually turn it on, or whatever she would’ve been cooking would’ve been completely burnt.
“I’m really not that hungry,” I repeated for the tenth time.
“Nonsense!” Mae had her back to me and was already flitting about with ingredients. “Why don’t you go in the other room and relax, and I’ll call you when the food is done.”
“It’s easier to just go along with what she wants,” Peter told me. He took a step away from the counter, towards the living room, and paused, waiting for me. “Come on. We need to talk.” He was right, and even though I knew very little of what we talked about would be pleasant, it thrilled me exponentially.
I walked with him into the living room, breathing in how wonderful he smelled. My body felt relieved just to be so close to him. It was exhausting staying away from him. Every part of me felt pulled to him, and I had to use all my strength to keep me any distance.
“How is your throat?” Peter asked sadly, admiring my neck.
“It’s okay,” I lied. It felt like I had terrible whiplash, but I didn’t want him to feel bad about hurting me. I sat down on the couch, so very purposefully, he sat in the chair on the far side from me.
“I’m sorry.” He looked at me sorrowfully, then dropped his eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that. But you should know that’s what I’m like.” When he spoke again, his voice was barely audible. “I’m not very nice.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You should.” He met my eyes evenly. “You’d be so much better off with Jack. I’m…” He shook his head, unable or unwilling to say exactly what he was.
“But I want to be with you,” I insisted fiercely, and something about my voice startled him into softening a bit. But he quickly recovered, and his face hardened again.
“You don’t know who I am.” He knew how I felt about him, and that I had no control over it even if I’d wanted to, and yet he was still trying to convince me that he was a bad choice. It had already been made, and whether he was good for me or not was of little consequence. “I’m not like them. I’m not good.”
“How are you different?”
I hated that he was so far away from me, and it had finally gotten to be too much. I got up and walked over to him, kneeling directly in front of him. He smiled at me, a rather sweet, sincere one, then reached out and touched my cheek gently, brushing back my hair. His touch sent shivers of pleasure through me, but I fought to keep my eyes open, to keep them locked on his.
“You should be so afraid of me, but you’re not,” he murmured, bemused.
He studied my face, his hand resting wonderfully on cheek. “If you weren’t…”
He licked his lip and sighed. “If I didn’t feel this way about you, I wouldn’t hesitate to kill you. Do you fully understand?” I’m not sure if I would’ve told him that I did or not, but I had started trembling too much to speak. He leaned in closer to me, and his hand moved back, so he was burying his finger in the thickness of my hair. “I am a real vampire. I’ve killed people.”
“You… you have?” I whispered. My heart, which still pounded desperately for him, felt twisted with fear and revulsion.
“Mmm.” He sighed again, this time more resignedly. “They didn’t tell you.
I’m surprised Jack didn’t, but Ezra always tries to protect me. After…” Pain so raw it hurt flashed over his eyes. “Elise died, I went on a rampage of sorts.
Eventually, I got myself under control, but there’s still that thirst. Not just for blood, but for death.”
“But that was a very long time ago,” I protested softly.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” All of his resistance shattered, and his vulnerability made him look impossibly young.
“You won’t,” I pleaded with him.
He stared at me for a minute, and then unexpectedly, he forcefully kissed me. His mouth pressed so tightly it almost hurt and his hand knotted painfully in my hair. Just the same, my body exploded with pleasure. I loved the insistent way he held me to him. Then, just as abruptly as he started kissing me, he stopped and pushed me back. Peter moaned and jumped away from me. Then he turned and left the room Every part of me wanted to follow after him, but I just laid back on the hard wood floor and stared up at the ceiling. My body completely ached for him, and even as my head was reeling with the ecstasy of his kiss, I realized that I didn’t want to feel this way about him. Peter was just going to keep hurting me and pushing me away until there was nothing left. Something in me had been chosen for him, but I was starting to wonder if it had been a mistake.
Mae came in a few minutes later to tell me supper was ready, looking distressed but not surprised that I was alone. She had made some kind of pasta that I recognized as Milo’s recipe, but hers didn’t really do it justice. Considering she hadn’t tasted any of it, I really didn’t think it was that bad, though, and I ate it all with a smile on my face.
After I had finished, Mae cleaned up the kitchen, and I helped her as much as she would let me. Every now and again, I’d hear Peter upstairs, and I’d feel a sharp pain in my side. The fact that he was so close but refused to be with me was completely devastating. I hid it as best as I could, but I’m sure Mae easily saw through my facade.
In the living room, Mae put on the Beatles, claiming that they could heal any mood, and sat on the couch. I sat on the floor in front of her and allowed her to play with my hair. Theoretically, I think it was meant to comfort me, but like the meal she had just made, it was done more as a way for her to get her mothering out. All the while, there was a constant stream of soothing words coming from her mouth, telling me how everything would work out.
When Ezra appeared in the living room sometime later, I felt an unrelenting sense of relief. He kissed Mae warmly, and I found my chance to escape. I slipped out from her and made my way over to Jack. He had crouched down on the floor to rub Matilda’s belly, and I stood in front of him, wrapping my arms around me.
“Did you have a nice drive?” I asked Jack.
He looked up at me, then glanced over at Mae and Ezra, who were busy in their world, murmuring things to one another. At that moment, I hated them for being so easily in love. There was so much drama going on around them, but they could just curl up on the couch together and pretend none of it was there.
“Yeah. Did you have a nice time with Peter?” He raised an eyebrow at me, trying to seem playful, but I saw the hurt behind it. More than that, I felt it, like a burning regret in the back of my throat.
“I’ve had better.” His smile came more naturally after that, and I felt some of the tension ease up between us. Giving Matilda one last pat, he stood up and looked down at me. “Do you want to give me a ride home?”
“I do…” Jack trailed off, and looked up at the ceiling, towards Peter’s room, and then he shook his head. “I don’t think I should. At least not right now.”
“Are you like banned from ever picking me up again?” I had never thought that I would really miss his speedy trips around the city, especially after he almost killed me last time, but it saddened me to think that it might never happen again.
“No,” Jack scoffed, as if anybody could ever ban him from anything. “I just think it’d be better if I didn’t for awhile. He needs to figure out what he’s doing, and so do you.”
“I didn’t think I really had a choice in the matter,” I admitted honestly. My understanding of things was that I was completely at the whim of Peter and Jack. I would be whatever they would let me be as long as it was in their lives.
“Everyone has free will.” He leaned in a little closer to me, looking at me earnestly. “Even you.”
“You really think so?”
“I have to.” His hopeful smile faltered, and he turned to Ezra. “Alice is ready to go home.”
“Sure.” Ezra jumped up from the couch, smiling at me. “Sometimes I forget that you don’t live here.”
Putting his hand on the small of my back, Ezra gently ushered me away from Jack. Looking back over my shoulder at Jack, I wished that things could just go back to the way they were. I wished I didn’t know about vampires or Peter or that my blood had ever been meant for anybody.
