they never seemed to notice. They unceasingly harangued us regarding decency and morality and Mr. Gostock who took so evident a joy in watching pretty Stella at work whipping a bare posterior, would preach most edifying sermons upon morality and chastity
The girls' and boys' dormitories were separated, but only by a thin partition. At night, those of us boys who were not asleep would hear curious sounds. There were whisperings and kisses and the laughter of girls being tickled. Our curiosity would be awakened and we would follow suit on our side of the wall, and the girls would hear similar sounds coming from us.
It was when one of us had been whipped 74
that the dormitory would be most astir. The others would press round the sufferer and seek to console him. At these times, we behaved like true sisters of charity. Our hands would raise the long nightgown, which as though we had been girls we all wore, and our hands would do their best by their gentle touch, to soothe the pain of the victim.
These nocturnal maraudings had their dangers, as the mistresses would frequently make their rounds. But the danger was an attraction. For – shall I confess it? – while we feared the whip, we grew to desire it. On certain days, whether because the weather was heavy or stormy, or for some other inexplicable reason, we would grow restless and commit faults with the obvious and sole object of being whipped. Sometimes Lady Flayskin, Stella, and all the mistresses were not numerous enough for the flogging which was required – our desires in this direction being always gratified to the best of the abilities of our superiors.
At these times, six boys and perhaps ten girls would be ranged in a kneeling line with drawers down, awaiting the penance of the birch.
Wat a chorus of cries, entreaties, sobs and wails would then be heard!
If the thick walls and the large garden had not deadened these sounds, an astonished passer-by would certainly have thought they proceeded from a madhouse. For never, unless the recollection of early days, similarly passed, had come to him, could he have guessed the truth.
CHAPTER IV
To the extent that formerly I had been playful, high-spirited and always ready to engage in pleasures and employments suited to my age and sex, so now I became reserved, secretive, and timorous. In other days, I was fond of dangerous games, cricket, bird's-nesting and suchlike. Now by chance if I saw a bird's nest at the top of a tree, and absentmindedly would imagine how easy it would be to reach it by climbing along yonder thick branch, lying the while upon my chest, extending a hand as far as this other branch or that, I would suddenly become conscious anew of my clothing.
What a fine state my glazed kid gloves would be in, and my muslin petticoat, thread stockings and kid boots! The rough bark of the tree would quickly spoil the beauty of all this finery.
I do not mind owning that formerly I had been a boy fond of a good stand-up fight, though ready to forgive my foe afterwards. Now l had no pluck left. The flogging I had received the day of my arrival had taken from me any desire, at any rate for a long time afterwards, to ever avenge myself upon my schoolfellow as a healthy boy would. Instead of taking quick action, or defending myself from others with my fists, I would, like the other children, descend to cunning and slyness.
I will say no more upon this head. These recollections are very painful to me and I do not care to tell to what actions I sometimes resorted. I am now a man and ashamed of the mean actions of these childish days. As I continue this story of my youth, it is with difficulty that I can contain my anger as I think of those who were the cause of demoralisation which happily, thought no thanks to them, I have outlived.
I thought I had endured every suffering that the cruelty of Lady Flayskin had been able to devise. Thousands of times had I cursed the corset which compressed my ribs, impeding my breathing sorely; the high heels which obliged me to take little painful, careful steps and to swing my body in a ridiculous manner; the feminine drawers, stockings and garters. I espacially detested the straps which cut into my shoulders if I leant forward, and the stiff leather collar which so grievously strained my neck and prevented the least forward inclination of the head. In short, all these cruel tortures, to which no force of habit could accustom me, seemed the limit of malignant inventiveness.
I was mistaken.
In an earlier chapter I have alluded to the black kid drawers worn by Clara.
One day the directress sent for me. I went
to her room whith a beating heart. This summons never boded any good. It was invariably a severe reprimanding followed by a flogging sentence, or some other outrage to our childish feelings.
She began by making me a little speech in which she congratulated me upon the improve80
ment in my conduct. She dwelt lengthily on the advantages of her system of education and asked me if I was of opinion that my bad disposition would ever have been reformed without the discipline of the corset; the high heels; and those gloves so tight that they prevented the fist being clenched when worn. As I remained mute, she frowned and repeated:
'Do you thinks so, Alice?' 'Yes, my lady.'
'So you are happy here?'
'Very happy!' and I haved a vast sigh which would have choked me had I tried to restrain it.
'You must now put this on!' she said, spreading before my eyes, which found no pleasure in the vision, a pair of those glazed kid drawers such as some of the girls and boys wore in this horrible academy.
For a minute I stood dumb and motionless, wondering if just once more I should attempt resistance. Reflecting that I should pay dearly for my folly and having before my mental vision Stella's white arm wielding a big birch-rod, I stepped forward, with an air of humble submission, took the garment, and replied:
'Certainly, my lady.'
She loosened my grasp of the garment.
'No. If I had wished you to put it on later, I should have given it to Mrs. Stuart. You, must put it on immediately, and I shall help you, for you would never succeed unaided. Come! Undress yourself.'
Already she had loosened all my buttons with nimble fingers, and, in less time than it takes to relate, I stood before her in my chemise. The first thing I did on being freed from the corset, was to rub my back, whence the skin was slightly rasped, and which was red and sore from continual and excessive compression. This feminine gesture was a successful one! My lady condescended to one of her rare smiles. Then, unwilling to allow so excellent an opportunity for proclaming the excellence of her establishment to escape, she said:
'Look at the proof of your change! Your movement is instinctive. You experience a sensation of irritation so soon as you remove your corset which shows that it should be taken 82
off as seldom as possible. Let me see if you are perfectly clean.'
She examined my white clean body, raising my chemise in order to be able to look at me properly. Her fingers travelled lightly over my skin and she appeared contented.
'Very good! For a boy, your skin is extraordinary. It is white and delicate. That is not merely the result of the cosmetics employed in this house, and which come, it is true from the best perfumers of London, that your skin is so velvety. It is a natural gift and a precious one which I urge you to value. It is not usual to see so soft and feminine a skin in a member of your sex.'
She bade me be seated and going upon her knees before me, began to remove my boots. Such an attention and attitude were of evil omen and I began to feel very frightened.
When Lady Flayskin had an air of sweetness and a desire to render aid it was the sign of a fit of cold implacable wrath which was about to burst forth. She resembled the cat whose claws are sharpest and cruellest when the paw seems most soft and velvety. I endeavoured to aid her, astonished and confused at this removal of my boots by the directress, but she pushed my hands away, saying:
'No! No! Keep quiet, will you? I tell you once for all that I do not wish for interference from my pupils. It is my desire to remove your boots; that is my whim, is it not? Do you understand?'
The look she gave me showed me plainly that it was not from humility that she performed this servile action.
