as if the touch occurred only minutes earlier.
“What you saw Nanny doing in front of the altar that night … Oh, my pretty piglet, Nanny would love to do the same to you.”
Her eyes are bottomless wells into which a boy might fall.
He knows he should say something, counter her words, but he remains mute. And trembles.
“But before Nanny can be for you what you need her to be, she has to know she can trust you. Come here, sweetie. Prove to Nanny that you love her. Come here and put your mouth around the barrel of the gun.”
Before he can take a step toward her, if indeed he will, the fire-sprinkler system goes off, and a hard rain falls into the foyer as elsewhere in the house.
Startled, Nanny Sayo takes a step backward, swings the pistol to the left, and then to the right.
Swift-moving water. The cascades in the park behind which he has sometimes taken shelter. A rushing stream. Now this indoor rain. This is a dispensation that Nature in its mercy bestows on him and the dog, invisibility to this woman and all her kind.
He and the dog go to the front door, which he opens.
Moving warily, seeking him in the wrong part of the foyer, a sodden Nanny Sayo fires a round, trusting to luck, and then squeezes off one more that comes nowhere near him.
He says, “Mirabell and Harley live,” and she swivels, shooting out one of the sidelights flanking the door.
Another portion of the underpinnings of the house collapses with a boom. The walls shudder and the chandelier sways.
Nanny Sayo totters as the foyer shifts under her.
When Crispin steps outside with Harley, into what will soon be a blizzard if a wind rises, he closes the door, turns away, and hears what might be the foyer floor collapsing into the basement.
Strangely — or perhaps not so strangely — he and the dog are dry, untouched by the sprinkler-system rain.
Across the street, through the heavy snow, the Pendleton at the moment looks less like a great mansion than like a work of primitive architecture such as Stonehenge but much larger, or like a place the Aztecs might have built in which to offer up the freshly taken hearts of virgins. In fact, although the city below is so modern, a home for many high-tech companies, Crispin can almost see another city through the veil of glamour, a huddled place that is ancient and dangerous and full of stone idols to gods with inhuman faces.
He is grateful for the masking snow.
He and Harley follow Shadow Street down Shadow Hill, staying on the sidewalk. Fire trucks will soon roar up the eastbound lanes.
The snowflakes are smaller than the silver-dollar variety with which the storm began, but still large, lacy dime-size hieroglyphics full of meaning but whirling past too fast to read.
A faint meow reminds Crispin, and he looks down to see the tiny cat, his avatar, the claws of its forepaws hooked over the edge of his jacket pocket, its small head poked out. The cat regards the snow with what seems to be wonder.
Briefly the descending flakes appear to stutter, as if they are a special effect produced by a machine that has lost its current for a second, but then they continue falling as smoothly and gracefully as ever. Crispin suspects that at the instant of the stutter, someone in Broderick’s turned on the artificial snow that will spiral down all day on the model of the store that stands at the center of the toy department. From time to time, things in this world fall out of harmony, and there is a need to synchronize.
19
They buy a used car with cash. He is too young to drive, but at sixteen — looking eighteen — she is just old enough. Her driver’s license is a forgery, but she’s pretty good behind a wheel, anyway.
No longer alone, she gives up the security of Broderick’s for the wonderful uncertainty of the world beyond. Neither of them has any reason to stay in this city, where their families were taken from them.
They don’t know where they’re going, but they both know without doubt that there is somewhere they need to be.
With their dog and cat, they leave on Christmas morning, which seems an ideal time to start the world anew.
By virtue of her great suffering, she is his sister, and by virtue of his great suffering, he is her brother. They are not yet adults, but neither are they children anymore. A hard-won wisdom has settled upon them and with it that quality with which true wisdom is always twined — humility.
Later, in open land, with evergreen forests rising up slopes to the north of the highway and descending to pristine lowlands in the south, he puts into words for her the most important thing that they have learned or perhaps ever will.
The true nature of the world is veiled, and if you shine a bright light on it, you can’t expose that truth; it melts away with the shadows in which it was cloaked. The truth is too awesome for us to stare directly at it, and we are meant to glimpse it only at the periphery of our vision. If the landscape of your mind is too dark with fear or doubt or anger, you are blind to all truth. But if your mental landscape is too bright with certitude and arrogance, you are snow-blind and likewise unable to see what lies before you. Only the moonlit mind allows wonder, and it is in the thrall of wonder that you can see the intricate weave of the world of which you are but one thread, one fantastic and essential thread.
