Havoc`s Sword

Saint Peter the wink, and ask where the whores kept! Ha… knew it, the old rogue.'

For there had followed an entire paragraph touting the advantages of 'balancing one's humours' with the whores, and never squiring one out in the daytime, or to any function where one's peers in Society might remark you-hardly the thing for an English gentleman, married or no, much less a Serving Officer, etc., and etc.

'Taught his granny t'suck eggs, too, most-like,' Lewrie groaned some more. He'd heard that particular lecture at least once a month, since he'd pinched the bottom of his first pubescent scullery maid at thirteen. 'Never admit paternity, were there fifty before you,' Lewrie sing-songed under his breath, 'never lose yer head over any coy slice o' mutton… think o' yer family's good name. Oh. Right. We never had one.' He snickered, reaching for his mug of cool tea.

His father's letter was discontinuous, at that, for he'd left the worst news, and three matters of the most import, 'til the last. First was the matter of young Miss Sophie de Maubeuge, his ward. She had fled Anglesgreen for London, and was now living with his father, serving as mistress (in the innocent sense, his father quickly assured him!) of his new town house!

'Caroline has gotten it into her head, and clings to the Opinion despite all Protestations to the contrary, that you and poor wee Sophie were at one time, she cannot settle upon which, intimate!' Sir Hugo informed him. 'Aboard that French frigate you sailed out of Toulon, in Lisbon before you packed her off to England, in some stolen moments during your two short shore leaves since this war began, it don't signify to her. Either, or all, feature in her Accusations, depending upon the day of the week, and, had I not known Caroline's sweet Nature before, I would be forced upon an initial Acquaintance now to be convinced she was Tetched! Level- headedness and her usual kind Demeanour quite fly her, once she gets on the Topic. Needless to say, it all created such an impossible Situation for poor Sophie, such glares and frowns, such harsh and quibblesome Speech, finding so much fault with even the simplest domestic tasks, that Matters came to a Head several weeks ago. There were shouts, Accusations made, Refutations offered yet dismissed, to the point that Sophie packed, summoned a coach, and turned up on my doorstoop un-announced, reduced to Tears and Whimpers, and I could not deny her Shelter, as I am certain you will understand. So suddenly denied any Freedom in Anglesgreen, so isolated to the farm as she was, Sophie has at last recovered her cheerful Equanimity, and now quite relishes going about the City with me.'

'Now that must cramp his style!' Lewrie cynically hooted.

'Daughters,' his father had marvelled, 'in Sophie's case, granddaughter, after a fashion. Somehow I feel that due to my wastrel ways (none of which I truly regret, mind) I might have missed something in Life by not being Engaged in Children's raisings, for young women are quite delightful Creatures to watch blossom. I have always felt Avuncular or Grand-Fatherly anent Sophie's development, for so she calls me Grand-Pere, but, one might almost deem my feelings Paternal, now, when closely engaged with her Welfare, in protecting her from the harshest Aspects of Life… or rake-hells such as me, in younger guise. Rest assured that Sophie only attends the most uplifting and chaste Amusements and Events, with me (of all people!) her guard. Church, Theatre, Concerts, and Galleries, only the tasteful raree shows, dines only with respectable Society, etc. And, do we attend a Ball, Rout, or Drum, her dance partners must pass my Muster, first- and she is home and snug in her chambers at a reasonable Hour. No matter this places upon me a hellish restraint, I feel it is my Duty, in your stead, to…'

'Knew he'd complain a tad, anyway,' Lewrie chuckled, imagining how corseted the old whore-monger must be, all for appearance's sake, and for Sophie's future 'respectable' marriage prospects. 'And he's not touchin' me up for a contribution t'help dress and feed her.'

The second grimmer matter concerned his boys, Sewallis and Hugh nigh-imprisoned at their bleakly strict boarding school in Guildford. Despite how involved his father'd been with his new house, his arrangements for his country estate, and gentlemen's club, he had tried to keep in touch with the lads, but had gotten no responses to his letters. When down to Anglesgreen, he had called upon Caroline to enquire how they kept… and had not liked the answers.

The few letters that Caroline had gotten had been vague, filled with what sounded, to his suspicious ears, like rote phrases dictated by the headmaster and headmistress or their few employed instructors. This had occurred shortly before Sophie had 'eloped,' so Lewrie could understand, in retrospect, that the tensions had already been treacle-thick, which had not improved Caroline's acceptance of his worries; as if any questions he had concerning their welfare was a criticism of Caroline's decision to board them away at an austere public school, or a suggestion that she did not fret over them as a Proper Mother ought!

Sir Hugo had, though, received Caroline's grumpy permission to call upon them on his way back to London, so…

'Imagine it, dear Alan. Up pops I, in full regimental fig, in the grandest equipage going, liveried coachee, postillion 'catch-fart,' and my trusty orderly, Trilochan Singh, in the Grand Parade uniform of our old 19th Native Infantry, silks, sash, tulwar, and turban' his father had described. We caused the most Devilish stir in the Populace as we clattered in and drew rein. Yet when I requested of the headmaster and his wife (a stout and termagant Batter-Booby) to see the lads, I was flatly Refused! Gaudy as we were, one would expect they'd have fallen on me like famished vultures, with an eye towards a lavish donation, and an annual Patronage, but no, not even that! They did not attempt Flattery, did not offer to dine me in or shew off the grounds, and, in point of fact, rather peremptorily wished me off the premises before they summoned a magistrate!

'Oh yes, says I? Indeed, say they. The school maintains a rigid rota from which the students are not to be taken. And what of their free time? I ask. They pray! I was rather brusquely told. What? your sire demanded, are they never allowed off the grounds to a sweet shop? Only under escort by instructors or proctors, says the grim wretch who rules that foul dungeon. A nastier place I never clapped eyes on, and I've seen Hindoo toilets, thankee very much!

'Determining that they were too Righteous to bribe, I cautioned them that I'd return before they could say 'knife,' with your, and my, solicitors, the Chief Justice to my old friend and patron the Lord-Lieutenant of Surrey, and a troop of Yeoman Cavalry, with whom to tear their Pile down round their ears, and clap them in Gaol under suspicion of Abuse of their wards, and it would be King's Bench for the both of them! I further threatened to coach back to Anglesgreen and fetch their Mother, and did they refuse her, I'd whistle up the troopers, and formal Justice bedamned,' his father crowed in a 'copper-plate' hand.

'And didn't Caroline look the place over first?' Lewrie griped as he got to his feet to fume and pace, deposing Toulon from his lap as if shedding a robe. 'Damn my eyes, what was she thinkin'?'

'A gloomier tale never you've heard, Alan,' his father went on. 'They are, of course, being beaten. Were we not, all, caned in our own school days, and are now the better for it? Corporal punishment breaks intractably wild wills, and Civilises, but I fear that their treatment goes beyond the Instructive, or Necessary. Punishment is doled out for the slightest Infractions; for standing idle, for too much exuberance during their rare idle play hour, for the tiniest error in recitation, for chatting too loudly or happily at mealtimes! All this from adults, mind. What Sewallis and Hugh whisperingly told me passes twixt Elder Boys and their fags is quite another thing, quite exceeding the normal Abuse a New Boy should expect at his first school.

'My son, I strongly suspect that Torture, premeditated, brutal, and fiendish Cruelties are planned and executed nightly,' his sire accused. And where are the Instructors, the Governess or Headmaster when such occurs, I ask you? The Academy is not so large, I fear, that they might lightly send down any or all Malefactors; indeed may dread ^suiting the moneyed parents of such little Monsters, or lose so many of the students that their so-called School becomes unprofitable. They already accept those deemed too difficult or thick-headed, the Dregs from other schools, the Dissolute, Incorrigible or High-Flown…'

' 'Tis a wonder I wasn't sent there, then,' Lewrie muttered, dashing a hand cross his furrowed brow.

'Even more hellish, Alan, were your sons' tremulous Intimations that such Tortures and Cruelties are dealt out to those averse to submission to late-night Buggery by the older boys…' Sir Hugo wrote.

'Goddammit!' Lewrie yelped, hot to fly home that instant with a sword in hand, and deal out some 'Jesus and the Moneychangers' justice on one and all! 'My lads, oh my poor lads. What's Caroline put you into?'