The King

meal was coming from. I'm sure she wished she could repent and go back to her family. And she always was an impulsive girl. What I loved about her most, really. What better moment for good old Captain The Honourable Thomas de Crecy to inform her that the whole thing was a sham I'd dreamed up to get hold of her family's money, and don't ye know… he'd 'just learned of it' from another officer in our regiment, and he simply had to rescue her from me!'

'But…' Alan started to say, then shut his trap. He'd never thought of his father as anything but inhuman. Never allowed that he could be hurt, or feel pain (especially since he'd been so good at handing pain out to others so liberally). This brutal bastard should be incapable of sorrow, shouldn't he, he asked himself?

'Elisabeth was carrying you by then, making the whole thing worse. And Tommy swore he'd always loved her more than life, couldn't stand to see her in my brutal, callous clutches. All the Sturm und Drang so popular in women's novels these days, all that Gothick fright and flummery! Well, don't ye know, she spooned it up like cream. The brainless little baggage!' Sir Hugo related, sinking down onto his pile of pillows and stretching out on his side. 'Probably told her he'd do right by her and the child. Maybe he really meant to; I'll never know. But he came back from Holland without her, after a few more months. After she began to show, and he couldn't trot her out to anything elegant.'

'Hold on, though,' Alan objected. 'You still ended up stealing her jewels and abandoning her, didn't you?'

'Yes, I did,' Sir Hugo nodded with not a twinge of shame. ' 'Twas the only way I knew how to get back at her after I caught them. Well, I didn't exactly catch them bareback riding.'

'Like I was with Belinda when you arranged to 'catch' me.'

'Hmm, no, nothing that flagrant,' Sir Hugo snickered. 'She was in her bedgown. Untied, mind, and nary a sight of stockings, stays or corset to be found. Tommy'd dressed so fast he'd buttoned his waist-coat to his breeches flap! Oh, 'twas a devil of a row we had. After I'd horse-whipped him down the stairs, she lit into me. Mind you also, this was the first I knew that we really weren't married! So all I could do was rant and swear Tommy was lying, but she wasn't having a bit of it. And d'you know, lad? But termagant as she was at that moment, I had a sudden premonition of just how ghastly life was going to be with her from that moment on. No trusting her with other men 'thout a leash on. Tears, sulks and screaming fits for the rest of our natural lives. Ah, but suddenly it struck me! If we're not married… if Tommy diddled the both of us, then I was free as larks! All I could think of was 'Thank bloody Christ this is over with,' and hit the road that night. Singing with relief, as I remember.'

'But you took her last money!'

'She had Tommy's money,' Sir Hugo sneered, then rose up on his elbow to look Alan square in the face. 'God knows I loved her more than anything or anyone else since, Alan. But I really did need the money devilish bad! And with Tommy lusting after her, he'd replace what I'd taken, and be damned to both of them-they deserved each other when you come right down to it.'

'Jesus, you really don't have any shame!' Alan snapped, getting righteous again.

'Too damn poor to have any shame. You want to see shameless, you should have been in my shoes with Agnes Cockspur.'

'Belinda and Gerald's mother,' Alan supplied.

'Fetching enough in the beginning, 'fore she turned into this drab pudding.' Sir Hugo sighed. 'Chicken-chested, thick as a farrier sergeant. Rather wrestled a publican than put the leg over her. Like climbing into bliss on the belly of a bear. And her two children were rotten from the start. Still, she was absolutely stiff with 'chink,' and there I was in Bath, trying to parley what little I had left into something to live on. Had to resign my commission, don't ye know! An officer in the King's Own, Knight of the Garter or not, can't abscond with young heiresses. Not unless one's successful, mind, then they make you colonel of the regiment and dine you in once a year. I made three thousand pounds selling up my commission, but it was going fast. No, I may be a bit harsh on poor Agnes. Drab she may have been, dull as ditch-water and graceful as a three legged dray-horse, but she was a kindly stick. Meant well. And then she died having our child, and the child died, too. And Elisabeth had died having you. And I got to brooding on what had happened to you.'

'That was after you and your solicitor, Mister Pilchard, had forged that letter of permanent coverture over Agnes Cock-spur's estate,' Alan accused.

'Aye, soon after that. Talented bugger, that Pilchard. What else was I to do? With Agnes in her grave, her even more ghastly sisters'd have gotten the estate and the money, and I'd be out on my bare arse again, stuck with two brats I'd never have wanted if they came with the crown of Prussia attached.'

'So you heard I was still alive,' Alan pressed. 'And you were, as you put it… brooding on me.'

'The only real child I ever had, Alan. I found you and took you in because I swore I'd never marry again,' Sir Hugo told him. 'Of course, I was just disreputable enough that the idea of me marrying into a really good family couldn't be mentioned in polite Society. Pretty much the same thing, really.'

'But you didn't act like I was your only son.'

'Like I said, I had to pretend to be caring for Agnes' brood. For Society. To keep the sisters shut up. After all, if I didn't have them to care for, a court would find it easier to take them away and award them to the sisters, and the money'd go with 'em. What did you want beyond what any other lad of your station got? My parents saw me at tea, perhaps at supper, once in the evening just before the governess tucked me in, and after that, it was a good public school somewhere far enough away so they wouldn't be bothered, except when term ended.'

'Why did you arrange for me to get caught in bed with Belinda? Why did you exile me into the Navy?' Alan demanded, though in a soft voice as he sat down cross-legged on his pillows once more.

'The Lewrie money,' Sir Hugo muttered, barely inaudible.

'And you were almost broke again, weren't you. And you needed the money, so devilish bad!'

After much hemming and hawwing, Sir Hugo could only nod his assent.

'Goddamn you.' Alan slumped.

'Alan… I am truly sorry,' Sir Hugo whispered. 'Your father is a miserable bastard. I thought I was doing right by you, not letting you end up dead in that parish orphanage. Feeding you, clothing you, getting you a good education. You don't know how many times I was proud of you. Of how many times you reminded me of me, even when you were up to your ears in pranks that backfired to my cost.'

'Fine way of showing it,' Alan muttered back, staring down in his brandy and watching the candle flames dance in amber to the trembling of his fingers. 'I thought you hated me.'

'Alan, no! Never hated you!' Sir Hugo insisted, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder. 'Maybe I didn't show you. Or tell you. But I took you in out of guilt about Elisabeth. And about Agnes. I loved you, Alan. I love you still.'

'Ah, right,' Alan tossed off.

'If I seem too selfish, then that's my curse. If I treated you standoff-ish, then that's my loss,' Sir Hugo insisted. 'And I'm still proud of you. You've made lieutenant in half the time most people could expect. Commanded a ship of your own for a while. Made a name for yourself by being brave and clever. I read every issue of the Marine Chronicle and the London papers, looking for news of you. 'Came into The Downs this Sunday last, the Shrike brig, Lieutenant Alan Lewrie, commanding, to pay off at Deptford Hard, with a sum in excess of thirty thousand pounds prize money owing officers and men, from service with the Leeward Islands Squadron, most recently off Cape Francois under Admiral Sir Samuel Hood and Commodore Affleck.' I memorized it. I cut it out and saved it. I can show you.'

'Maybe you could; it don't signify,' Alan replied bitterly. 'Your idea of affection is hellish like indifference to me. Your idea of love I could trade for two dozen lashes and stand the better, sir.'

'For better or worse, I am your father, Alan. I don't expect you to ever love me. Or respect me, either. I'd admire if you could at least not despise me. Take what's past like the fine young man you are and put it behind you. Behind us,' Sir Hugo implored. 'I imagine that you're the best of Elisabeth Lewrie, and the best of me, with all the rotten parts cut out, like an apple only half gone-over. Lot of pith left, even so. I'll not ever expect us to be reconciled.'

'That would take a power of doing. And longer than either of us have on this earth, I expect,' Alan answered.

'Well, that's the way of it, then,' Sir Hugo harrumphed, and wiped a tear from the corner of one eye. 'Just do one thing for me.'