Kai watched the woman spit at the memorial before waddling away. It takes all sorts to make a world, dragons and phoenixes along with snakes and rats, she remembered her father saying, but how easily one could forget, after an afternoon with Jialin and his friends, that the world was still the same place of cold-heartedness and animosity, and that the small fire of friendship could do only so much to keep one warm and hopeful. She thought about her in- laws, who must be enraged by now. Her own mother, whom Kai had avoided thinking about in the past few hours, must have locked herself in her flat, bracing for her in-laws’ rage. Kai dared not even think of Han.
The flat was dark when Kai entered. Out of habit she called Ming-Ming's name, and the nanny quietly came out of the nursery, also unlit. Kai turned on the light and the nanny blinked, her eyes swollen with fresh tears. Where was Ming-Ming? Kai asked; the girl did not answer but looked in the direction of the bathroom with trepidation. A moment later, the door opened and out came Kai's mother, her face puffy and wet. Kai signaled for the nanny to leave them alone, and when the girl closed the door to the nursery, Kai's mother said, “Where have you been?”
“Where's Ming-Ming?”
“Your parents-in-law took him home with them. They left word to let the nanny go tomorrow morning.”
“Who did they leave the order with?”
Kai's mother looked at her for a long moment, her lips trembling. “Who did they leave the order with? Your own mother. Your mother had to stand here and beg your in-laws for forgiveness because you were out of your mind. Tell me, Kai, why did you do this to me? I'm an old widow and don't I deserve a moment of peace?”
Kai watched her mother crying. She realized that she had never, since her father's death, looked into her mother's eyes. With her tear-streaked face she looked more than ever like a stranger. “I'm just happy that your father's long gone so he didn't have to be humiliated as I was, being called all sort of names in my own daughter's home, in front of my grandchild and his nanny,” Kai's mother said between sobs.
“What else did they say?”
“What's the point of repeating their words to you? What's been said had better be buried with me.”
Even though Kai's mother had always been dominating at home, she was known to be easily intimidated by her superiors. One could not be expected to be repressed all the time, Kai's father had once said, in explanation to Kai of her mother's behavior; she needed to vent her anger, he had said, and it struck Kai now that her father had served as a receptacle for her mother's bitterness; that must have been what killed him. “Stand up for yourself,” said Kai now. “Ignore my in-laws.”
“How easy for you to say that. They left word that you and I would not be allowed to see Ming-Ming anymore. Tell me, how do you ignore that?”
Kai looked away from her mother. Under the newly finished television stand she saw something blue. She bent and picked it up. It was Ming-Ming's favorite rattle, in the shape of a whale. She wondered if the nanny knew he had lost it, or if he had put it there as one of his games of hide-and-seek. One time before she had found a small rubber ball in her boot, and for three days after that, she had found different toys there, and she had known then that it must be a purposeful action on his part. She wondered if he would soon settle for a grandparent's shoe for the game.
“Why did you do it? What is it that you want that you haven't got?”
This question had never been put to Kai before. She shook her head. It was not what she wanted that mattered, she said.
“What do we do now?” Kai's mother said. “Do we know how much trouble we're in?”
Kai was struck by her mother's including herself in her daughter's fate. She thought of comforting her mother, but she would not listen. “You've always been such a good child,” her mother wailed. “You've always followed your parents’ and your teachers’ instructions and never made a mistake.”
Again Kai told her mother not to worry, knowing her words were too vague to do any good. Such a trustworthy child, Kai's mother repeated as if in disbelief; people had always told her it was her fortune to have a daughter who would not step on the wrong side of the line and who had helped her siblings prosper.
Kai left her mother and walked to the nursery. When she pushed the door open, the nanny, who had been eavesdropping behind the door, stepped back, panic and shame on her face. Kai pretended that she had not noticed; she asked the girl if she was willing to take some extra money and leave for home the next morning.
The girl stared at Kai as if she did not understand Kai's question. Kai sighed and explained that it was best for the girl to go back to her own parents, at least for now. “Are you worrying that your parents will be angry at you? I can write them a letter and tell them that you did nothing wrong here,” Kai said.
“My parents—they don't read.”
“Can you explain to them? Tell them that we'll send someone to get you back as soon as we settle things here,” said Kai. She wondered how much the girl understood the situation, and if this lie would be enough to offer her and her parents some comfort and hope.
“Who will take care of Ming-Ming?” the girl asked.
“He's with his grandparents for now.”
“But someone has to take care of him,” the girl said. “Do they know what Ming-Ming wants when he cries?”
“He'll be all right.”
“But they have never taken care of him. They don't know him,” said the girl. “They were pushing him to drink milk when he'd just wet his diaper.”
Tap water was being run in the bathroom behind the half-closed door, but Kai could still hear her mother crying. “Ming-Ming will be just fine,” Kai said. “You don't have to worry about him.”
The girl looked down at her hands without replying. She must have hurt the girl's feelings somehow, Kai thought, but she was too tired to think about what she had said wrong. She counted out money equal to an extra month's pay and handed the bills to the girl.
The girl did not take the money. She unbuttoned the top of her blouse and brought out a small jade pendant.
