Incarnate

While I shot mock glares Stef’s way, Sam produced his SED and embarrassed me by taking more photos. After pairing me with each of his friends for a picture, he stopped someone and asked him to take a photo of the five of us.

“I’ve never seen you take photos before.” Sarit wrestled the SED from him and browsed through images. She giggled at one. “Decide it was important after all?”

My hat was suddenly fascinating while I pretended not to see Sam’s glance. “For now,” he said.

“You don’t have one of just you and Ana.” She smirked and motioned the others away from us. “Hold still, both of you. Ana, what are you doing with your hat?”

I held it against my chest with one hand and tried to work out tangles in my hair with the other. “I thought we were finished.”

“Here, let me.” Sam used his fingers as a comb, but before he was done, the flash went off several times and light boxes floated in the corner of my vision. “Maybe this was a mistake.” He angled his face away from Sarit as he eased my hat back over my ears. “Better?”

“Yeah.” The heat and attention had probably made my cheeks bright red. Maybe there was a way to get rid of the photos before anyone saw them. Even as I thought it, Sarit took half a dozen more.

An hour later, we had coffee beans, cheese, and supplies for tarts. The crowd and noise were becoming too much, but there were a few more things I needed. Now that we’d made a full circuit of the market, I knew where to find them.

“Can we meet somewhere in half an hour?” I couldn’t imagine needing more time than that. “I want to find things for my costume.”

“Sure. Ask them to write a bill and we’ll take care of payment later.” He gave a shy smile. “I’ve got a few things to get, too.”

“You’re going to dress up?” I hated how excited I sounded, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Maybe. I should have stuff just in case.” Again, he looked shy, but I didn’t mention it and we decided on a meeting place with everyone else. “Call me if you need anything.”

I patted the Council-issued SED in my pocket.

“Want company?” Stef asked as we started on our separate ways.

“Nope. I don’t trust you not to tell Sam what I’m getting. He’ll have to wait and find out when people start demanding payment.”

She grinned and waved me on. “See you later, then.”

I wove my way through the crowd with only my new clothes and shoes to weigh me down; Sam had taken the rest of our purchases.

Now, walking through the busy market alone, I missed his presence. It wasn’t as if we spent every minute together — there were plenty of times we were on completely opposite sides of the library, him researching whatever a five-thousand-year-old teenager needed to research, while I focused on the Council’s demands — but I’d gotten used to having him nearby.

I didn’t like being so reliant on him. I’d have to do more things on my own, now that I knew my way around the city a little better. Well, at least I knew how to get to the Councilhouse and back.

My first stop was the jeweler’s stall, where I searched the coils of wire, overwhelmed with choice.

“What are you looking for?” the seller asked.

“I need something sturdy, but soft enough I that can bend it with my hands.” After imagining the finished product for a moment, I held out my arms. “About triple this much.”

He rifled around and produced several options. “I recommend this”—he jiggled one—“because it’s not expensive, and you need a lot.”

“That sounds perfect.” Thankful he’d made the choice easy, I gazed around at the other options. Silver, gold, things I couldn’t identify. “Where do you get all the metal, anyway?”

The seller began writing my bill. “Most of it washes down from the mountains, but there are a couple of drone-mined caverns around.” His pencil halted over the paper, and he squinted at me. “What did you say your name was?”

I tried to make myself taller. “Ana. But make the bill to Dossam, please.”

His eyes narrowed, and I resisted the urge to retreat as he finished writing. “Don’t come around here again, nosoul.” He shoved the paper and coil of wire at me. “Dear Janan, why are we being tested this way?”

A high voice piped up from behind me. “Sure would be a shame if people knew how rude you were to customers, Marika.” A young girl, perhaps nine years old, smiled widely at me. “Have a good afternoon, Ana.”

I grabbed my things and hurried away. Everyone knew me. People who hated me, people who didn’t seem to care one way or another, and even people who liked me for inexplicable reasons. Like Sarit, or the girl in the jeweler’s stall.

The masquerade was coming up. No one would know me then.

It didn’t take me long to find Larkin, who sold dyed cloth. I mimed how much synthetic silk I wanted, and we discussed colors and prices before settling. Only then did he ask my name, but he fell into the category of people who didn’t care. That was a relief.

While he folded my things and wrote a bill for Sam, I scanned the market. The crowd hadn’t thinned at all. People still haggled over trinkets and shared bites of food. Children marched between stalls, behaving just like adults. I even saw an infant like that, quiet and mature as he directed his current parents to things he wanted. I must have been such a shock to the world, unable to communicate except by mindless screaming.

Armande spotted me and waved, as did a few others I had lessons with. I waved back, half wondering if Sam had sent them to keep an eye on me.

A tall figure appeared in the corner of my eye. She touched my shoulder.

“Stef, I said I—” I turned and stuttered, staggered back. “Li.” She looked just as she had on my birthday, fierce and ever-annoyed by my existence. My body turned wooden.

Larkin returned from packaging my items. “Here you go, Ana.” Then he was quiet, too.

“So.” Li plucked the bill from Larkin’s hand. “You found someone else to take care of you. Dossam has always been a fool.”

My throat was broken. So was my tongue. I wanted to snap back and say no one took care of me, but didn’t he?

“Nothing to say?” Li sneered and shoved the paper back at Larkin. “I suppose I should be impressed you made it here, what with your sense of direction.”

“You gave me a bad compass.” Part of me wished someone would step in to help. Most of me wished I could stand up to her on my own. “You nearly got me killed.”

“You know to check your equipment.”

“Go away.” My voice was surely lost beneath the crowd’s cacophony and the pounding of my heart. “You’re not part of my life anymore. Leave me alone.”

She pinched my chin and turned my face up. “On the contrary, I’ve asked the Council to return you to my care. You’re my daughter, and there’s so much I should teach you.”

I shook my head. “You can’t.” I hated this, feeling pitiful, feeling unable to fight back. After everything Sam and I had talked about, and as many times as I’d called him rude names when I actually liked him, why couldn’t I face Li? “He won’t let you.”

“He won’t have a choice.”

“The Council won’t let you.”

“Do you think people would coddle you as much if they realized what you really are? The beginning of more nosouls. The end of us. I doubt Sam would treat you so nicely if you’d replaced Stef. You’ve already replaced Ciana, though she might have been a phase for him. Like you are.” She smiled and sailed off.

No telling how long I stared after her, paralyzed, but Larkin said, “Ana, your things,” and I tried to thank him before I fled to the place I was supposed to meet my friends.

Friends? Earlier they’d felt like friends, but if Li was right, if the Council was right, Sam was my guardian and the others were doing him favors. I knew he cared about me, but still.

I dug the heels of my palms against my temples, struggling to compose myself before anyone found me.

“Ana?” Hands closed over my shoulders and I leapt backward. Sine released me, alarm on her face. “What’s wrong?”