Incarnate

then he hit me when I suggested his intentions toward you weren’t pure.” True to her word, a bruise darkened her cheek.

“Sam wouldn’t have done that. Stef and Orrin wouldn’t have attacked us.” My legs hit the piano bench. I sat down, hard. “I don’t believe either of you.”

“Sam and Stef confronted me while their friends went sneaking around my house and the guard station.” Li sneered. “I don’t know what they were looking for.”

“We need to search upstairs,” Meuric said. “All of Li and Menehem’s most recent diaries are missing from the library. Evidence — which Whit and Orrin tried to hide, by the way — suggests Sam had taken the books. Personal diaries, professional — everything.”

If I hadn’t been sitting already, I would have now. “They’re free to anyone who wants to read them.” Wasn’t that the line I’d been given? “That doesn’t mean anything.” But it did. I’d asked Sam about the books in his room, and he’d said they were about dragons.

“Someone obsessed with you might search for anything related to you, including your parents’ diaries.” He motioned toward the stairs. “I expect you’ll want to see.”

He didn’t want to leave me by myself; we both knew I would run. But if I refused to go up, he’d tell Li to watch me. I didn’t want to be alone with her. One glance at the front door, and I made my way upstairs again, shaking with a new thunderstorm inside me. “Sam wouldn’t hurt me.”

The words came out strong, but he had left this morning, and had been talking to Stef about something Li said. I hadn’t noticed swelling on his hand from hitting Li, but even if he had, there was nothing wrong with that. I wanted to hit Li. Not that I would ever have the courage.

Every step up brought a new layer of dread. I couldn’t live with Li. Couldn’t. She marched up behind me. Any minute now she’d do something terrible.

And if I didn’t go with her, I’d be exiled from Heart. From Range. Even if I didn’t die within the first week — early death being most likely — I’d never see Sam or my friends again. I’d never have music again, not like I did now, and I’d never have a chance to learn the truth of my existence.

Which left obeying Meuric’s orders my only choice. I hated him.

“I saw the way you danced together.” Li’s voice was dark as dusk. “He was so upset when I suggested he might be taking advantage of your naivete, but if he does that with you in public, what are we supposed to assume happens in private?”

Just like he’d feared they would think. I kept my face down, as if that would hide my secret longings. “He wouldn’t hurt me.” She wouldn’t believe me no matter how many times I said it, but if I stopped, she’d think she won.

Li gave a hoarse laugh. “I think he’d do anything to gain your trust. You don’t know him. Not the way everyone else does. He focuses on what he wants — in this case, someone who practically worships him — and doesn’t let anything get in his way.”

The house was cold as we reached the top of the stairs, and Meuric started toward Sam’s bedroom. As much as I tried, I couldn’t forget the other night, when I’d helped Sam up to his room and had to kick aside books so neither of us tripped. Books that had been gone in the morning. There’d been so many. Had they all been about dragons and sylph?

“Watch her,” Meuric said, and flicked on lights until the entire upstairs was blinding bright. He rummaged around Sam’s belongings while I waited with my back against the balcony rail. Li guarded me.

“Why are you doing this?” I flinched away, but she didn’t hit me. She wouldn’t with Meuric in the next room. “You didn’t want me before. Why now?”

“You’re my daughter.” Li flashed a benevolent smile. “And you’ve been living with a man you know nothing about. I was under the impression you’d be on your own, and I thought you could handle that. But Dossam isn’t safe for you.”

“You gave me a broken compass. Sam pulled me out of Rangedge Lake.”

“The compass worked when I tested it. I can’t help if you broke it.” She shrugged. “At any rate, it’s come to my attention that your education has been neglected, and I’ve been given good incentive to rectify that.”

What did that mean? Someone had bribed her? It must have been for something good, if she’d agreed to endure my presence again.

She went on. “I didn’t do a good enough job teaching you before, and Sam’s idea of educating you seems to be— Well, you need to know more than music and dancing and whatever else he’s been doing to you.”

“We haven’t done anything.”

“After what I saw earlier? I doubt that.”

I grasped at anything, any accusation. “You followed me home the other night.”

She scoffed. “I have better things to do. What makes you think it wasn’t one of Sam’s tricks? It could have been a friend of his, trying to scare you so you’d trust Sam more. That Stef. They’re always so close.” Her voice lowered. “You should hear about the things they’ve done together.”

“It was you. I know it.”

Meuric emerged from the bedroom, a stack of books in his arms. “I’ve found the missing diaries. It seems you were right about Sam. He’s been studying everything he can about little Ana.”

I clenched my jaw; he was just as little as me. “So what? It doesn’t prove anything.” Except that he’d lied. Maybe lied. Avoided the truth, anyway. Omitted important information. Wasn’t that just as bad?

Meuric gave a long sigh. “Remind me why you’re scraped up.”

“Li attacked us on the way home.” My whole body trembled. I needed to run, needed to get free. I had to find Sam and ask why he’d been researching Li and Menehem, and why he hadn’t told me.

“Someone attacked you, clearly, but it wasn’t me.” She shook her head, as though I should be ashamed for thinking badly of her. “What is that, Meuric? This one isn’t a diary.” She plucked a book from the middle of the stack, not fast enough to keep those on top of it from falling. A dozen books thumped on the floor.

“Oh, that’s worrying.” Meuric squinted as Li turned pages. “There were more books in there. Hang on.” He went back into Sam’s room while Li kept flipping through whatever had caught her attention.

I squatted by the pile of books, my knife jabbing a bruise on my stomach when I moved. I suffered the pain; if I drew attention to the weapon, Li would take it away.

Mostly, there were diaries on the floor. Several were marked with Li’s name, but most were Menehem’s. His were thick, with bits of paper sticking out of them as though he’d tried to fit more information in at the last minute. From my angle, I couldn’t see what Li held, but her face was cold and rigid.

Not much scared her, not that I’d ever seen, but she didn’t react well to threats of humiliation, which I clearly remembered from Soul Night thirteen years ago. I’d been too young to leave behind, and she’d wanted to go to the celebration being held near Purple Rose Cottage while the main one went on in Heart. I’d tagged along while she explained that some of her friends had come down because they knew she couldn’t make it to Heart, not with me in tow. When some of them had teased her about the nosoul, her face had gotten like that: cold and rigid.

This wasn’t the same, not exactly, but whatever she felt, she tried to hide it. I imagined it was fear.

Then she noticed my stare, and she sneered. “Get off the floor. None of those are your business.”

“The Council said I could look at anything I wanted.”

“The Council said a lot of things because Sam convinced a few persuasive voices to let you roam free through the library. Sam isn’t here anymore, and I’m going to be more strict about your education. Now stand up.”

I did as she ordered. When we left, I would escape. Go to Sarit’s. She’d hide me. But she’d also be the first person Li would suspect. Maybe Armande would help.

Meuric came out of the bedroom with another stack of books, which he placed on the floor. “I found these too. This is very upsetting.”

Li’s expression shifted again as she crossed her arms, tucking the book against her side. “I can’t imagine what he wanted with all this. So much about sylph.”

I shuddered. Neither were looking at me, at least.

“Not only sylph.” Meuric picked through the books. “This one is on dragons. Sam hates dragons.”

No matter Sam’s real reason for taking these books, the Council would find a way to make this look bad.

“I wonder how long he’s been doing this,” Li mused. “He’s got a lot on Menehem here, and you remember what Menehem was researching?”